Sear
by Rochelle Allison
Summary: Bella, one week into a housesitting job, has an unexpected, late night visitor. Written using WitFits. Short. Drama and romance, of course, but also...
1. Chapter 1

**Word Prompts: **Sear, seer, sere

Choose one word and write what your imagination dictates. For an added challenge, include all three words in your entry.

not beta'd. All recognizable characters belong to SM.

* * *

A small thump. Small, but definitely...

...a thump.

Startled, I sat up, rummaging between the couch cushions for the remote. Muting the TV, I stilled and listened, waiting for either another thump or my heart to calm down.

Except for the dual hums of the fridge and the heater, though, there was nothing. Easing back against the couch, I turned the TV off instead of back up and tossed the remote aside. I wasn't that into it, anyway. One week into my voluntary solitude and I was already going a little stir crazy.

My uncle's log cabin in the woods had sounded like an idyllic dream. Romantic, even, despite my lack of a love life. And it had been those things at first. He'd needed someone to housesit while he traveled overseas and I...I'd come seeking quiet, a place to repair my wounded heart. A place to regain some emotional footing, maybe uproot the seeds of ennui sprouting in my soul. Okay, that was a bit melodramatic, but honestly, it was how I felt. Lackluster, sad. Bored - epically. And I mean really - I was too young to be that bored (well, thirty... old to the twenty-somethings and young to everyone else) and _that kind_ of bored to boot.

I was no seer with a gift for the future, and I certainly didn't see things clearly as they were happening, so it was only now, with a healthy dose of hindsight bias, that I could really understand why I was where I was. Lack of purpose: drifting from one job to another, ignoring my mother's suggestions I return to school at least. A sad, little self esteem: finding worth in relationships when I barely even knew myself. When I didn't know if I even _liked_ myself. Maybe I even pitied myself. Maybe that's why it had been with Jacob - pity. Maybe

_thump_

Uncle Phil's ancient football blanket fell silently to the floor as I stood. The doors were all locked. I'd made sure of that earlier after venturing out for firewood; all day reports of heavy snowfall had forced me earlier from my lazy cocoon and into the stark frigidity of outside. Along with the fully stocked pantry, I was ready for anything.

_thump_

...anything but this. _What the hell?_

I crept quietly around, listening, hoping, wishing, praying that it was just...a deer. Or something. A bat? What would be out there at this time of year?

At this time of night?

The cabin was resplendent with windows, flooding its interior with light during the day. They were like lovely, living pictures, vistas of stunning landscapes. Lovely even in the dead of winter, even with towering trees sere and leafless, the world leached of color. By night though, those same windows gave me the creeps, invading my sense of privacy, and I had every curtain drawn by twilight. I peered at them now, wondering if there was a gap anywhere, if anything...anyone...anywhere could see me.

_thump_

_thump_

_thump_

_"__Oh God, Oh God,"_ I breathed, genuinely afraid. Someone was knocking at the door. I hadn't heard a car, and anyway the snow had been drifting down long enough to make driving difficult. Clutching my phone, and then the poker from the fire place for good measure, I tiptoed to the front door and listened.

Another thump, softer this time. I jumped back, shaky, feeling a flame of adrenaline sear through me, wondering if I should call someone or just call out. I was about to do the latter when I heard a feeble voice.

"_Please_..."

Grasping the poker in my right hand, I unlocked and yanked the door open with my left. My heart, which had been frantic 'til then, nearly stopped with the slap of icy air that greeted me. It was so cold it burned, and I gasped.

But there, lying on the front porch, in gray sweatpants and a black sweatshirt, both dampened by snow and maybe sweat - I didn't know - was the crumple of a man.

"Hey!" I cried, horrified. I tossed the poker aside and knelt beside him, trying to replace my fear of strangers with concern for this one. "Hey, are you okay?" He wasn't, obviously, and I shook and pulled at him, trying to get him up so he could at least come inside. His clothes were nowhere near appropriate for the weather, and I knew that he was probably already suffering from hypothermia.

He moaned, shuddering. Snow covered his eyebrows as well as his beard, which was just a little longer than scruff. Unthinking, I brushed my fingers over it, watching the snow melt with contact. He shuddered again, and then so did I, my eyes tearing up with the wind.

Another burst of adrenaline: I jumped up, hooked my hands beneath his armpits, and pulled him inside, apologizing beneath my breath when his head hit the doorjamb.

I slammed the door behind us, panting, hands tingling from the cold. _His_ hands and face, I could see now, had taken on a blueish tinge. Unsure of how to proceed, and not wanting to waste time, I dropped to my knees again.

"Hey, can you hear me?"

"Yeah," he whispered after a moment, breathing shallowly.

"Can you...move? At all? I think you should take a hot bath or something."

His eyes opened for a split second, brilliant green if not a little glazed over, before closing. "Okay," he said, just a hint of voice.

And then he passed out.

* * *

_thanks for reading!_

_no posting schedule yet. just, sigh, another plot bunny._

_i'm working on some things, though, original as well as other…life things…though, so please be patient if i can't update daily…much love._

_xoxoxoxo_


	2. forest

**Word Prompt: **Forest

**Plot Generator—Phrase Catch: **To each his own.

not beta'd. all recognizable characters belong to SM.

* * *

Oh...no.

This had escalated rather quickly. Realizing the stranger didn't have much time, I grabbed his leg and started dragging him across the hard wood floors. He wasn't light though, and half way to the stairs I realized...that _they were_ _stairs_. The bathroom was upstairs. If I was having a hard time hauling him across a flat surface, getting him up a flight of stairs would be impossible.

_Dammit, Uncle Phil. Aren't log cabins supposed to be one story? Cottage-like?_

There had to be something I could do.

Gritting my teeth, I dragged him into the living room and put him on the carpet, as close to the fireplace as was safe. I added a couple more logs and stoked it before replacing the screen.

And then, trying not to panic, I fumbled for my phone and called the one person who could help right now.

"Bell?"

"Rose, hey. You need to be in nurse mode right now."

"Uh, hi. How's it going? Cabin fever set in yet?"

"This is an emergency. I need you to stop messing around."

"Shit. What?"

"There's this guy -"

"In the middle of the forest?!"

"And he just, I think he has frostbite or hypothermia or something. He -"

"Not the time, Al," Rose muttered.

"What?"

"Alice. She wanted to know if he was hot."

"No," I half screamed. "He's cold! Very, very cold! I can't get him upstairs and he's _blue _and he probably needs a bath -"

"No. No bath. If he's blue he's probably already experiencing mild to moderate hypothermia and that could put him into shock. Didn't Charlie teach you this? Common sense, Bell."

"Common sense to a nurse, maybe. Which is why I called you," I said. "So what do I do?"

"Wait, is he awake?"

"Just passed out."

"Not good. Is there a fireplace?"

"Yes."

"Is it going?"

"Yes. I already put him there."

"Good. Heater?"

"Of course."

"Keep him by the fire, cover him with blankets, turn up the heater, and make him tea or something hot."

"What about body heat?"

"Like your body heat? Have you been watching Tristan and Isolde again?"

"Goodbye, Rose. Thanks."

"Body heat can help!" she called, right as I hung up.

I tossed the football blanket over the stranger and checked his shoes to see if they were wet. They were. Sneakers. What had he been thinking? I eased them off, socks too, and tucked the blanket around him. Jogging upstairs, I grabbed a couple of heavy comforters from the linen closet and brought them down so that I could cover him more efficiently. He was shivering now. He hadn't been a few minutes ago, and I didn't know what to think.

Halfway through my mission to make tea, Rose called back.

"Hey."

"Hey. Did he wake up?"

"Not yet. I'm making tea. And I turned the heat up. A lot." It had been relatively high before, but now the cabin was becoming rather toasty.

"Okay...you know, you could call 911, too."

"Yeah, but, we're snowed in. I don't know how long that would even take."

"Did I mention what a bad idea this trip was?"

"Several times, Negative Nancy." I sighed, rolling my eyes. "It wasn't so bad until now. Anyway, imagine if he'd come and no one was here. He'd have died out there. Everything..." Something welled up inside of me, putting my words on pause. "Everything happens for a reason."

"Maybe." Rose was quiet for a moment. "I guess...the idea of it kind of creeps me out, being so far away from everything. Being that isolated - for three weeks - sounds like torture."

"To each his own."

"Right. Anyway, you're not alone anymore, are you?"

"Guess not." The water began to boil. I tossed several teabags in, figuring I'd make a bunch at once. "I really hope he pulls through, Rose. I'm kind of freaking out, here."

"He'll be okay," Rose said, quietly. "And so will you. Go warm him up."

"Okay."

"Keep me updated. And if things get worse, just call 911. Even if it takes them awhile."

"Okay."

We disconnected, and I carried the tea into the living room.

"Hey," I whispered, sitting beside the pile of blankets. I could just barely make out his face. "Can you hear me?"

His eyelids fluttered, but he didn't wake. Putting the tea down, I reached beneath the blankets and found his hands. They were still so cold. Feeling a little like a pervert, I wiggled into the blanket pile until we were almost touching. I took his hands and placed them beneath my hoodie, flinching when his cold skin touched mine. His clothes still felt damp, though, and I knew that couldn't be good.

His sweatpants were worse than his sweatshirt, thankfully. Those seemed easier to get off.

"Can you hear me?" I whispered, poking him.

No response.

"Hey. I have to take your pants off. So you can get warm."

Nothing.

"Just do it, Bella," I told myself, sitting up. I tucked the stranger in from the waist up and maneuvered myself to his feet so I could tug on his pants. Thank God he wasn't wearing jeans. They would've been a disaster, especially when wet.

Still, it wasn't easy. His boxers started to slide down with his pants, forcing me to stop and yank them back up. I wished more than ever that Rose and Alice were here. We'd probably be laughing about all of this.

But it was just me, and the severity of the situation coupled with my aloneness crowded out any amusement.

Eventually I got his pants - and just his pants - off. I hung them over the side of the couch, grabbed a pillow, and got back down on the ground, snuggling beneath the blankets. It was almost too warm, but it felt good.

I put the stranger's hands back on me, aligning our bodies so that maybe my warmth _could_ transfer to him. His shivering had stopped. And it was hard to tell in the low light, but I thought his coloring had returned to normal. I hoped.

* * *

_the response to chapter one warmed me more than canoodling beneath a blanket by the fire. thanks, guys. much love._

_xoxo_


	3. disruption

**Word Prompt: **Disruption

**Dialogue Flex: **"I've never tasted something as delicious as this."

Using the provided snippet of dialogue, explore what comes to mind, be it a scene, a thought, or something else.

not beta'd. Twilight and its characters belong to SM. thanks.

* * *

The flutter pulled me from sleep, a tickle on my hip.

I jerked awake with the immediacy of one who knows they fell asleep in the wrong place. And, thanks to the barely-there fire and the absence of blankets - the stranger had pulled them off, some thank you that was - I was cold. Even the heater had phased off, though I knew it would kick in momentarily.

His hand slid away as I sat up. Had he woken at all during the night? I pushed my hair back, annoyed I'd forgotten to brush my teeth or wash my face before passing out. I felt gross. Maybe not as gross as Cold Stranger, though. I poked his arm, touched the hand that had fluttered. He was warm now.

I didn't know if I should wake him up. I wanted to know how he was doing, but he needed rest, too. Wobbling to my feet, I grabbed my nearly-dead phone and texted Rose, letting her know the stranger had survived the night. She didn't respond, but I didn't expect her to. It was early, still dark out, and I should have been asleep just like she was.

Yawning, I stretched some of the kinks out and climbed the stairs. Uncle Phil's shower was one of the more luxurious upgrades the cabin had to offer and taking a scalding shower sounded divine. I took my time - shaving, and washing my hair - and pretending the half dead guy downstairs had nothing to do with anything.

_Is he hot?_ Alice had asked. Maybe. Maybe. He had nice eyes.

Downstairs, there was a puddle of blankets by the fireplace. I stopped, looking around, ready to call for him when he reappeared, looking as surprised to see me as I was to see him.

"You're up," I said, heart speeding. Seeing him move about was weird, like he'd been reanimated. He still looked lethargic, but that was definitely to be expected.

"I..." He shook his head. He seemed confused, and maybe still exhausted. "Do you have my pants?

"Oh my God, I'm sorry!" I practically sprinted to the couch and flung the sweatpants his way. "They were wet so I...took. Them." I cleared my throat. "Off."

He was already slipping back into them. I looked away, twisting my hands together. "You should probably lie down. You can, um, lie on the couch if you want. I didn't know what to do last night."

"I think you did okay," he said, voice so husky it was hoarse, mouth curling just enough at one side for me to wonder if he'd been awake at all when I'd been...there. Or maybe it was just the fact I'd taken his pants off.

Face in full, red bloom, I turned and headed toward the door. "I'll be right back."

"Where're you going?"

"Just to grab some firewood."

"You shouldn't -"

"I'm ok; it's cut already. I'm just gathering some to bring inside."

He didn't say anything, but then, I didn't give him time to. Slipping into my boots, I stepped out into the frosty morning and headed toward the shed, where Uncle Phil kept piles of wood. Most of it was pre-bought from the store, but some he'd cut himself, no doubt in an effort to feel manly in the wilderness.

When I got back, the stranger was sitting on the couch, a blanket over his knees. I checked the heater, then tossed the wood into the fireplace, stoking it until it was roaring.

"Thanks," he said. I wondered if this was his normal voice or if his ordeal in the snow had left it that way.

"It's okay; I'm a little cold, too."

"For last night," he clarified.

I looked at him. His eyes - they shone in the dimness. He had an intense stare, bright. It was a little disconcerting and yet...I found myself wondering what he'd look like without that beard. Truthfully, he looked good with it.

_I guess he's hot_, I told imaginary Alice.

_And you're pathetic, _I told myself.

"You can take a shower, if you want," I offered, folding my arms. "To warm up. I would've - but I couldn't get you upstairs by myself last night."

He looked away finally - thankfully - and nodded.

"Come on."

He followed me upstairs, going slowly, but then, I was going slow too.

"I left towels on the counter," I said, pausing by the bathroom door.

"Thank you," he said, eyes searching my face. I didn't know what he was looking for, and I turned to go before he could find it.

But he touched my arm, fingers curling around it.

His touch startled me.

"I'm truly sorry about the disruption," he said.

"Don't be. I'm glad I was here." I turned and continued on, halfway down the stairs by the time I heard his

"So am I."

* * *

I couldn't cook. Well, breakfast - but anyone could make that. I loved breakfast and if I could've done it my way I'd have had it all day every day. With fruit because, you know - we all need fresh things. And fiber.

The kitchen was colder than other parts of the cabin, having lots of windows and little heating. It seemed, also, that we'd temporarily lost power during the night: the digital clocks on the appliances were all blinking. Shivering, I reset them all, glad that it had been short lived. The fireplace was good, but its warmth only reached so far.

And the lights. The thought of spending time here without light, especially at night, put a stone in my gut.

I'd managed toast and scrambled eggs by the time the stranger made it back.

"You know, there are clean clothes upstairs. I can get you something to wear -"

"I'm fine -"

"we can wash those -"

"It's okay -"

We both stopped abruptly.

"What happened to you?" I blurted. "Why were you out there?" I gestured. "Like that?"

"My car broke down," he said. "Was on my way to get supplies and it just...stopped."

"Why didn't you call 911?"

"My phone died. And then...it was just too cold. I waited, but no one passed by." He quieted then, looking past me to the window where snow still falls. It was a calm scene, beautiful. Deceptive.

I didn't know what to say. He'd been so close to dying, actually dying. He'd have frozen to death in a car with no heat, just more slowly. "Are you hungry?"

He nodded slowly, sinking into a chair.

Spooning eggs onto a plate, I tossed two pieces of toast and an apple on for good measure. I set it in front of him, with coffee and and silverware.

"What's your name?" he asked, picking up the fork.

I laughed quietly, not sure how I'd missed that. "Bella. What's yours?"

"Edward. And I can leave whenever you want me to."

"It's okay. It might be awhile. There's space here." I started filling a plate for myself. "We can call into town if we have to, get you a ride."

He didn't respond. I joined him, sitting across the little table, and we ate in silence for awhile.

"Is it okay?" I asked, finding his stoic expression impossible to read.

Edward's eyes flashed up to mine, and I swear they glittered. A beat passed, and then another. I looked down and frowned, pushing my eggs into a pile.

"I haven't eaten in over a day," he said, then. "I've never tasted something as delicious as this."

* * *

_thank you for reading. you guys rock._


	4. cleanse

**Word Prompt - cleanse**

**Not beta'd.**

**All characters and Twilight-y things belong to SM.**

* * *

Edward seemed tired.

Not just _looked_ tired, evident by his drooping eyes and slouch, but…_seemed _it. Like it was a state of being and not just a passing feeling. I eyed him as he finished his food, wondering what he'd do next. I wondered also how this was going to work. I kept being hit with the reality of him as live person, of sharing this space with someone I didn't know at all.

It made me nervous, and not in a good way.

"Do you want more coffee?" I asked, standing to clear my plate.

"No." He shook his head, following me to the sink. "Thanks. I think I'm going to go lie down."

"Are you okay?" I asked, like a broken record.

"I don't know," he said, closing his eyes for a second. Before I could say anything else, he walked away, disappearing into the living room.

I didn't know what his deal was, physically or emotionally. A small voice inside insisted there was more to his story than a broken down car and a dead phone. Did he live nearby? If so, shouldn't he know better than to venture out in weather like this? Especially so unprepared?

After cleaning the small mess we'd made in the kitchen, I went to the living room. Something in me cared about him, like he needed nurturing or something. Jacob had always been so self sufficient and proud. He'd never wanted me to do anything for him, and he'd never wanted me to do anything for myself, either. He'd probably thought that had made me feel cherished when really all it did was make me feel bored. Useless.

Edward was already dozing on the couch, curled up beneath one of the blankets. I ventured closer, squinting at him, realizing I'd never opened the curtains. I didn't want to wake him, but the lack of light was hurting my eyes and making things seem more depressing than they were. Quietly, I drew the drapes open, blinking in the white brightness.

Returning to Edward's side, I was dismayed to find that his cheeks were flushed. I touched his face, his forehead. He was hot; too hot.

What was it with him? Too cold and now too hot? Were fevers a common after effect of hypothermia? I had my hand on my phone, ready to call Rose, when Edward opened his eyes.

I stepped back, self conscious about my proximity. "You have a fever."

"I know."

"I have Motrin, if you'll take it."

"I will."

"Why didn't you tell me?"

He was silent, eyes slowly closing before opening again.

"I can't help you if you don't tell me what you need," I said quietly, walking away.

Once again Rose called as I was making tea. I intended to make Edward drink it this time.

"How's our patient?" she asked.

"He had a shower and breakfast, but now he has a fever."

"Damn." She sighed dramatically, sending static over the line. "This is a tough one, you know? I still kind of feel like you should just call the ambulance to come and get him, take this off your hands. On the other hand, though, it's most likely not that severe. He might have a cold or something from exposure. It would suck to have them risk the roads in this weather for something he'll just get over himself."

These things had crossed my mind, as well. I tried to evaluate the situation practically, tried to ignore the wanting inside, the craving for companionship. If I was being real, I didn't want to be alone here, even if it meant keeping some sick guy prisoner.

I snorted at the trajectory of my thoughts, prompting Rose to laugh a bit. "What?"

"I don't know. I mean, yeah. I feel the same. I don't know what to do. I'm making him tea. Again."

"You're sweet."

"I try." The kettle boiled, and I turned it off, leaving the tea to steep. "I'm giving him a couple of Motrin, too. If that doesn't work, then..."

"Then give him a tepid bath. A little on the cool side."

"He can probably give himself a bath."

"That's what I meant," she said, laughing again. "Silly. Hey, I gotta go - I think Alice locked herself outside again."

Shaking my head, I let her go.

Back in the living room, Edward was on his side, tracing a finger listlessly along the carpet below.

"Here," I said, holding out two pills and the mug of tea.

"Thank you." He sat up, accepting both.

Not wanting to stand there staring, I left him to it. There wasn't much to do here, besides watching TV and reading. Every day I told myself I should use the quiet time to do exercise or meditate or something and everyday I found myself on the couch, zoning out to old movies. Now even that was out, seeing as Edward had claimed the couch.

Sighing, I headed upstairs. It was a good time to read, after all.

And maybe exercise.

* * *

Two hours later, after answering emails, stalking people on Facebook, and scouring Pinterest for the best hair treatments and facial cleanses I'd never do, I slapped my laptop closed and stood. It was probably time to check on Edward; I hadn't heard a peep from him in awhile.

But first, I had to pee. I walked into the bathroom, already unbuttoning my jeans, and stopped cold.

Edward stood at the sink, pink razor in hand, shaving. I probably should've been miffed he'd stolen one of my razors...a new one, I hoped...but all I saw was that smooth, newly uncovered jawline and his bright green eyes, staring back at me in the mirror.

"Hope you don't mind," he rasped, holding up the razor. "Found a pack beneath the sink."

"It's fine," I breathed, yanking my t-shirt down over my open pants. My eyes fell to his back...and the reflection his chest...the muscles and pale skin. Angles and curves. Scratches. Bruises. I sucked in a sharp breath. "What the hell happened to you?"

I watched his reflection as as his gaze flickered impassively from his face to his chest. "Fight."

"Who won?" I asked, slightly horrified.

"Do you really have to ask?"

My eyes shot back to his. He smiled a little, smirked actually, returning to his task. It was the first hint of anything other than sickness and sadness I'd seen from him and it was beautiful. My heart squeezed, no doubt confused by the flutters and nerves I was feeling. I supposed I'd suspected as much. I'd known that once he shaved and started feeling better he'd be...hot.

And not because of a fever.

Clearing my throat, I turned to go. "How're you feeling? Did the fever break?"

"Yeah. I'm okay. Tired, but...better."

"That's good." I stole another peek as I slipped back into the hall.

"Bella?"

I popped back in. "Yeah?"

"Did you need something in here? I can get out of your way -"

"No," I lied, which was dumb. "I'm okay -"

But he was already in the narrow hallway with me, wiping traces of shaving cream from his face. Trailing his fingers over his chin, he wiped his hands on his sweatpants...that were riding a little low now, giving me an obscene view of abs and V-lines.

"You should wear a shirt," I mumbled. "You should let me wash your clothes."

"Well, which one is it?" he asked.

I glanced up, expecting to see the smirk, but he was serious as a heart attack. Easing away, I gestured for him to follow me to Uncle Phil's room. There, I tossed him a clean sweatshirt and a pair of flannel pants. Edward was taller and thinner than my Uncle, but beggars couldn't be choosers.

I kept these thoughts to myself, though.

"Just leave these on the floor," I said, pointing to his pants. He probably thought I was a closet freak, obsessed with the removal of his clothes.

"Yes, ma'am."

With that he started to pull his pants off. I took that as my cue to leave. Either he was messing with me, or he was a weirdo.

Maybe both.

* * *

_**thank you, so so so so so much for reading. I love hearing from you, seeing what the thoughts and theories are. **_

_**i love you guys.**_

_**xoxo**_


	5. avant garde

**_Word Prompt: Avant-garde_**

**_not beta'd. Twilight and all recognizable characters belong to SM._**

**_rated M_**

* * *

"I'll go this time."

"No." I shook my head, slipping into my coat. "I'll get it. I don't mind."

He made a derisive sound: annoyed and amused.

"What?" I asked, looking down as I zipped by boots. It was better than looking at him; my mind's eye kept replaying the image of him pulling his sweatpants off.

"I'm fine," he said. "You shouldn't coddle me."

It was the most passion he'd shown since arriving, which wasn't saying much. "I'd prefer you stayed inside. You had a fever like two hours ago."

He watched me leave, the light gone from his eyes.

Intentional disrobing aside, it had been a quiet day. The power had flickered out again while we were watching television, though, several times - enough to make me nervous. If the power went out, the heating wouldn't work and we'd be relying solely on warmth from the fireplace. Uncle Phil had a space heater in his room but it was ancient and I didn't think we had the proper batteries for it anyway.

Besides, what would we do then? Huddle around it for warmth? That was maybe two degrees away from huddling for body heat, and I was _still_ having mixed feelings about that.

I slammed the door behind, tromping through the thick snow. It was deeper now than it had even been, and I shuddered imagining what would've become of Edward had he not found the cabin. Using an old sled, I piled wood from the dwindling pile in the shed and dragged it back. Edward must've been watching from the window because he yanked the door open as I got closer and grabbed the wood. Frowning, I left the sled on the porch and trudged back inside, leaving my wet boots at the door. Edward was already loading wood into the fire, encouraging the embers into flames.

I hated being so awkward in my own place. And I hated the twist of feelings deep inside of me. Edward disturbed my space, my peace. He actually almost creeped me out; he was the very definition of _stranger_. But he also woke me up. He took away the loneliness just by being here, and not just the isolation I'd felt since coming to the cabin. It went deeper than that. No matter who he was, he was here with me. And...he was handsome.

Terribly.

* * *

I woke early.

I'd gone to bed early, too, leaving Edward to the TV. Not even the internet, which was being slow and inconsistent anyway, held my attention long. My mind was stuck on the guy downstairs. Edward was quiet and respectful, not taking up much space, but somehow he took up all the space. It was all I thought about - him downstairs, him in the next room. I felt like I was going crazy. I wished to go outside, but other than collecting fucking firewood, there was little reason to.

For breakfast I made pancakes from a boxed mix. There was no syrup, so we drenched them in butter and jam and drank coffee on the side. It felt almost normal.

"Is your family around here?" I asked, stirring milk into my second cup.

"No."

When he didn't go on I glanced up. "Are you alone?"

"My mother died when I was a kid. I grew up with my dad. And my brother. They don't live here now."

"Oh." Swallowing, I nodded. "I'm from here. I mean, Seattle, but I've come out here every winter for as long as I can remember. I grew up with my Dad, too."

We looked at each other for a long time, perhaps getting used to this new similarity between us.

Silence fell. From the living room, I could heard the TV on low, the sound of crackling wood.

"I'm going to get more wood."

"There's enough."

"I need," I stood, plate in hand, "to go outside. And get it."

"Bella -"

But I was on it, getting into my coat and boots with a quickness. I could hear, sense, his irritation but I didn't care. I wanted to do it, needed to do something. And we'd always need more wood so really, what did it matter?

Outside, the sky shone a silver-blue and the crisp air felt perfect. Days like today I wished I'd brought a camera to capture the beauty of this place. The little sled was still on the porch where I'd left it. Grabbing it, I breathed deeply, boots sinking into the snow with every step. I'd loaded it and started coming back when I heard a soft growl.

Everything slowed, then. A wolf stood just beyond the copse of trees in front of the cabin, watching my progress. I'd heard occasional howls from time to time, but they'd always seemed so far away - seeing this wolf here, now, made my blood run cold. Heart slamming in my chest, I started moving faster, fear propelling me toward the cabin. The abruptness seemed to draw the wolf because it started trotting toward me, its beautiful face drawn back in a snarl.

I left the sled and sprinted toward the cabin seconds before a shot ran out, and then another. Dropping to my knees, I looked up at the porch. Edward stood in the doorway, with what looked like Uncle Phil's shotgun. Behind me, the landscape was now silent and bare, snow drifting lazily down the way it had been for the past week. I didn't know if he had killed the wolf or if it had run away, but I didn't stay to see. Struggling to my feet, I ran across the yard and inside, hating the burn of tears behind my eyes, the shake in my hands.

I'd forgotten the wood, but Edward was already outside, retrieving it from the snow where it had spilled from the sled. Where had he found that gun? Uncle Phil had mentioned it once, but...

I swallowed back a sob and made a beeline for the kitchen, where I threw open cabinets and drawers, searching.

"Hey," I heard him call.

Finally, there: the liquor supply, shoved to the back of the pantry. Cognac, wine, bourbon, beer. I started for the beer and then, at the last second, grabbed the Maker's Mark. I didn't even know what I was doing; beer and wine were more my speed but the panic of being all the way out here spiked and I just wanted to numb it.

"Bella." Edward zeroed in on the bourbon, which I was pouring into a coffee mug.

"Do you want some?"

"I'm okay," he said slowly. I suspected he was full of shit.

I gave a brisk nod and threw back a huge, burning gulp.

This was it, I supposed. The unraveling of Bella Swan. I'd finally lost my shit out here and this poor guy was present to witness it.

"Do you want me to go?"

"No." I shook my head, warmed and mellowed. "Definitely do not go."

He studied me, coming closer.

I poured myself a little more and offered him the bottle. "Just take it."

"Cabin fever," he said, a hint of that rare smile gentling his features. He was being kind, I thought. And he was brave. Protective. I'd wanted to take care of him, but he was taking care of me, too. He took a small sip, then another, longer. I watched the curve of his Adam's apple, how it undulated as he drank.

Self conscious but also feeling good enough to not care, I shrugged past and went to the living room. It was my space too, dammit. And I wanted to watch TV.

Edward followed a minute later, sitting beside me on the couch. I channeled surfed awhile, blurring through cooking shows and reality television and cartoons, sports, soap operas, news.

Pausing, I watched the hourly weather report, which was just snow, snow, and more snow, before the news returned, reporting the local doom and gloom with gusto.

"Don't watch this," Edward murmured.

I glanced at him, half-surprised he'd spoken, but changed the channel. "Oh. Why not?"

"Bunch of bullshit."

"Well, yeah, sometimes," I laughed. "But sometimes there's important stuff."

"If it's important enough you'll find out about it."

His logic made sense and didn't make sense.

Which made no sense but the bourbon had me as warm as that fireplace and I didn't really care. Why hadn't I hit up the liquor cabinet before? I guessed I hadn't thought about it. That, and the fact that drinking alone for weeks on end could become problematic.

"What a most avant-garde opinion, Edward," I teased, side-eyeing him.

"Yeah." He snorted, finally taking a swig of bourbon, and met my gaze. "Yeah. That's me."

My stomach flipped. I looked away, back to the boob tube where it was safe and not real.

We found a movie, something suspenseful and a little scary. It was good though, well acted with plenty of twists. Edward was so quiet I thought maybe he'd dozed off, but when I snuck a peek he was awake and just as into it as I was.

"Do you want popcorn?"

"Sure."

I nodded, jumping off, trying not to come off as unsteady. "Be right back."

This I could do; there was plenty of popcorn and it had been a snack of choice many a night. I was staring at the microwave when I felt him behind me. Straightening up, I turned to find Edward inches away. He was always following me.

"What's up?"

He shrugged. "Just making sure you're okay."

"Why?" I demanded, a little obnoxiously. "I'm fine."

But he just stared back, probably thinking I was out of my mind. I'd been off since he'd showed up, and now especially after that episode earlier, and it was probably obvious. I couldn't help it. He'd disturbed my routine, and besides, I was attracted to him. That was the...thing. The crux of it. It didn't matter that I wasn't acting on it; the mere presence of feelings made things uncomfortable.

For me, anyway.

Behind me, the microwave beeped its conclusion. I turned around and opened it, pouring popcorn into an oversized bowl. Edward followed me back to the living room. Poor guy. He'd really picked a pyscho to shack up with.

We sat down, the bowl between us, but the feeling had changed. The movie continued, but all I could focus on was the nearness of the man beside me. It was all I saw, all I could feel.

How ridiculous. I felt like a fifteen year old on a date. A date with a person who didn't know they were on a date.

I drank some more bourbon. Felt Edward looking at me. Passed the bottle back, not looking at him. Saw him, anyway, drink it.

The fire roared. The movie droned. I melted back into the couch and finally looked at him. He was already, or maybe still, watching me, so I got up and stood in front of him. Perhaps he knew what I wanted because he didn't argue when I eased onto his lap.

He stared up at me, hands on my hips. "What're you doing?" he asked, very, very quietly.

"I like you."

"You're drunk."

"I'm drunk because I like you."

He chuffed a bit. "You had to get drunk?"

"Yes."

His hands wandered beneath my hoodie, coming into contact with my skin.

"Do you like me?" I whispered, again like we were fifteen.

He nodded.

"You have to," I laughed humorlessly. "I saved your life."

He didn't say it, but I imagined we were probably both thinking it: he had saved mine, too.

I pressed closer and kissed him until his grip tightened painfully and he started to kiss me back.

* * *

_**i have wanted to write ALL DAY but it was one thing after another i swear.**_

_**thanks for reading. so much appreciation for you guys.**_

_**xoxoxo**_


	6. Willpower

**Word Prompt: Willpower**

**Dialogue Flex: "I wouldn't have it any other way."**

**Using the provided snippet of dialogue, explore what comes to mind, be it a scene, a thought, or something else.**

**Not beta'd. Twilight, and all recognizable characters, belong to Stephanie Meyer.**

**rated M**

* * *

Edward's hands slid lower. I pulled myself closer. I'd been craving this: human interaction, physical touch. I wasn't created to be alone. Not that kind of alone, anyway. I missed my friends. I missed being in a relationship. I missed who I was when I wasn't Bella-in-the-woods.

And I missed being so viscerally attracted to someone.

I sank my fingers into his hair. Up close, he smelled like bourbon, like my shampoo and soap. His fingers slid into the back of my pants, rough skin against soft. I wiggled closer and felt his breathing change, felt everything change. The pants he had on did little to deter him from poking me, and I now I was the one smirking, pulling away. Guess I wasn't the only one suffering from a lack of willpower.

He smiled up at me, but his eyes were half shut and he was almost panting. "Where're you going?"

"Nowhere," I whispered, leaning in again.

* * *

When I woke to find him in my bed, my first instinct was to run.

Not far, because now that I knew wolves were around going outside had lost some of its appeal, but just away.

But we were still fully dressed, and while I'd been drunk enough the night before to give me a headache in the morning, I remembered everything. There had been lots and lots of fumbling and kissing. When that had slowed down I'd pulled him upstairs to sleep in a comfortable bed, feeling like it was the right thing to do. It hadn't been a mistake...I'd have done it regardless of the bourbon.

That had just greased the wheels, so to speak.

But now it was morning and the room was cold. I felt achey and gross and insecure. He was a guy - of course he'd kiss back when alcohol was involved. He shifted beside me just then, giving me the push I needed to get up. Easing out of bed and wincing at the creak of the wood flooring, I tiptoed across the hall and into the bathroom. I locked the door and started the shower, grateful for the warmth of the steam.

When I finally emerged, returning to the guest room, the bed had been made. I started to pull another hoodie on over my t-shirt, and then paused, considering a thin camisole and my pale pink, not-as-frumpy cardigan. I knew what I was doing, but I didn't want to pretend anymore. I did care. I wanted to be desired. I wanted it from him.

Even though I had no idea who he was.

As I made my way downstairs, I realized I hadn't heard from Rose in a while. I looked over the living room, remembering my phone being there at some point. On the couch, maybe, or the floor. It had fallen between the couch cushions at one point during our make-out marathon, but now it was nowhere to be seen.

The smell of bacon drifted from the kitchen. My stomach grumbled. I made a mental note to find my phone later and went instead to the kitchen, where Edward was standing at the stove.

"There was bacon?" I asked.

"In the freezer," Edward said, glancing back. His eyes flickered over me.

Folding my arms, I leaned against the opposite wall. "You're good at finding things, aren't you?"

"Guess so."

"How'd you know about the gun? Were you snooping?"

"Yes."

My heart skipped. I hadn't expected honesty. "Why?"

"To see what's here."

"But...why?"

He took the last of the bacon from the skillet and laid it on a plate. "Because we're out here in a snowstorm and there ain't nothing out there but predators."

Pushing off of the wall, I came to stand beside him. "Like the wolf?"

His eyes traveled over my face, pausing at my mouth. "Yeah."

"Did you see them when you were...out there? Before?"

"Heard them. Knew it was a matter of time. There's nothing else out here."

"So you knew my uncle had a gun?"

"Man doesn't live out here by himself without some sort of protection."

"Well, where'd you find it?"

"Closet by the front door."

I felt like an ass, then, because in all the times I'd opened and closed that closet for shoes and jackets I'd never seen a shotgun. Then I thought of the shelf inside, realizing it had probably been stowed up there. Guess Uncle Phil didn't think I needed to know.

Edward spooned eggs onto a plate and handed it to me.

"Thanks," I said softly, watching him work. He'd been fast with the gun, but otherwise he seemed to move slowly, with intention. Last night, too, with the kissing. Everything was deep and thorough. I looked at his profile, his lips. The spread of his hands and way his hair curled at the back. I remembered touching it. My face warmed and I started to turn, but then he looked at me.

"Does it bother you?"

I grabbed a fork. "The snooping?"

He nodded.

"Kind of. I don't know. I guess I'm glad you did because..." I trailed off. It was obvious why I was glad.

Breakfast was its usual near-silent affair, with the exception of last night's memories between us. I knew I was thinking about it, and no matter how impassive he appeared to be I suspected he was, too. Afterward, we cleaned up, side by side. The lights flickered, and then went off. I held my breath, waiting for them to come back on, but they didn't.

Shit.

Edward wiped his hands on his shirt. "I'll get more wood."

Unlike before, I wouldn't have it any other way - and he knew that. I watched from the window as he headed outside, sled in one hand, shotgun in the other. He disappeared into the shed and emerged a moment later, hauling the wood back.

"Not much left," he announced as he passed by, bringing the wood to the fireplace. "Gonna have to chop more."

"Right now?"

"Yeah."

* * *

By the time Edward came back inside, face flushed from exertion, I'd lost myself in a book. I jumped up, feeling inexplicably guilty that I'd been lounging while he'd been chopping wood. He still had the axe in his hand. Startled by the scene, I backed away, looking from the sharp blade to his face.

"I did as much as I could, but," he presented the axe, pointing to the handle, "this is starting to split. Do you know if there's another axe?"

"N-no. I don't know."

He squinted at me, then went back out. I heard a thump on porch, and then footsteps leading away. Peeking out the window, I saw him carrying load after load of wood back to the porch, where he rested it before going back for another. Eventually the front door closed for good, and I was strangely relieved.

"Are you afraid of me?" he asked, appearing abruptly in the living room. He was breathing hard as he unbuttoned the coat I'd given him, one of the Uncle Phil's.

"Should I be?" I asked lightly.

"No." He shook his head, kicking his boots off. More of Uncle Phil's. He said they pinched his feet some, but anything was better than sneakers in the snow. "I'd never hurt you."

I didn't realize how much I'd needed to hear him say that. I sagged against the wall, tossing my book onto the coffee table.

"You know that, right?"

"No," I admitted, swallowing. "I don't really know...anything about you."

He came closer, stopping just steps away. "You know that, then."

Purposely vague: I'd tried to write it off before but it was undeniable now. I opened my mouth to speak, but he closed distance between us and touched my sleeve, quieting my words before they'd even had a chance. "Did you wear this for me?"

I nodded, looking down at the cardigan.

Tipping my chin up with his fist, he met my mouth with a kiss, pressing me against the wall with his body. We kissed that way, long, wet kisses, his fingers working the buttons on my cardigan before slipping it off. The camisole I was wearing beneath went next, until I stood before him in jeans and a bra. I urged his shirt up over his head, and then we were skin to skin, reminding me of his first night. I hadn't gone this far, but I would have had it been necessary.

I started to slide my arms around him, but he moved away suddenly, pulling me to the carpet. Hadn't I suspected it would come to this? Fooling around in front of the fireplace, Harlequin style?

Hadn't I wanted it to?

He was all over me, kissing my neck and biting a little. His hand crept into my pants, down the front this time, and I gasped into our kiss, anxious and anticipating.

"Do you want this?" he asked.

"Yes."

* * *

_**Thank you for reading, and for reviewing. I read them all and appreciate them all. You rock.**_

_**xoxoxoxo**_


	7. brink

_**Word Prompts: Ink, brink, shrink**_

_**Choose one word and write what your imagination dictates. For an added challenge, include all three words in your entry.**_

_**not beta'd. Twilight and all recognizable characters belong to SM.**_

_**rated M.**_

* * *

Edward pulled my pants off with the speed and efficiency of an Olympic athlete before coming back to hover over me. I took a moment to admire his build, the definition in his arms and the lean, muscled landscape of his chest.

"Pretty girl," he said, smiling a little as he came in for another kiss.

"What do you do?" I asked.

Inches away from my lips, he paused, and then kissed me anyway. "I survive."

"Why are you so vague?"

"Why are you so intent on knowing?"

"You do realize that, every time you evade a question, you just make me want to know more, right?"

He pressed his face to my neck, inhaling. "You smell good, Bella."

"Like that - "

"Like that? Okay." He inhaled again, running his nose along my jaw, making me shiver.

I shoved him half heartedly away. "No, _like that_. You won't answer me."

His eyes searched mine. "Do you trust me?"

"I don't know."

"You do know. It's instinct, girl. You either do or you don't."

"I...I don't know." It was a lie, because he was right - partly. "I trust you in some ways, but not in others."

Rolling off of me, he sat back, hunched over, bringing his knees up and resting his arms on them. "Then you're smart."

I stayed quiet, wanting him to say more...but not really.

"But you should be more careful with who you let inside."

My heart skipped, and I swallowed, sitting up beside him. "I couldn't let you die out there."

"Maybe you should have." He side-eyed me. "I've done bad things."

"What kinds of bad things?" I whispered.

"Necessary bad things, but bad things nonetheless."

I looked away, staring at the fire.

"Do you want me to go?" he asked.

Looking down, I ran my hand over the carpet where we'd just lain. I didn't know what was wrong with me. He made me feel things I'd never felt and not just physically, either. But how could I feel so connected to someone I didn't know and barely trusted?

Edward leaned over, kissed my cheek, and got up. I heard him getting his boots back on, and a moment later the door opened.

This was ridiculous. Where was he going to go? He'd end up the same way I'd found him, unless the wolves found him first.

Scrambling to my feet, I wrapped the football blanket around myself and half ran to the door. I yanked it open to find Edward staring out into the swirling snow, on the brink of disappearing into it.

"You can't go. You'll...die. And this will have all been for nothing."

* * *

I didn't know what to do with myself. I felt like this was my entire world now, this cabin in the snow. And Edward. But he'd retreated into himself again. I found myself doing the same, wondering if my admittedly warped affection was one sided. I didn't exactly have competition out here.

Then again, neither did he.

We had an early dinner of peanut butter and jelly sandwiches. We spoke, but not much. Maybe it was this feeling of nakedness: I'd admitted to wanting him here once and for all and he'd admitted to doing "bad things". Things were even murkier than they had been. Afterward, I headed upstairs, craving the comfort of pajamas. So much for the cardigan.

Cold fingers caressed my bare back. I gasped, spinning around, flannel held against my chest. I hadn't even heard the door, hadn't heard Edward come in. He was stealthy like that, leonine and graceful.

Dangerous, maybe.

"I want you, Bella," he said, tossing aside my pajama top. He drew me close and kissed me, hands splayed over my back. "Is that okay? I want you. Please."

Now I held him, taking off his shirt and melting into him, letting go of my questions and inhibitions and probably my morals. We got into bed and he rolled on top of me, kissing down my neck and breasts, where he took his time with my nipples, tickling and licking, sucking and squeezing. I wrapped my legs around him and worked my hands through his hair, appreciating how very off the grid we were. There was nothing but this, no one but us.

He peeled my pants off, dropping them beside the bed. "Didn't take you for a girl with ink," he said, running his tongue along the tiny silhouette of a bird by my belly button.

"I got it -" I gasped as he kissed me through my underwear "- I got it when I graduated from high school."

"I can see you doing that," he said, breath tickling my inner thighs.

"Yeah?" I nearly squeaked.

"Yeah."

He got me naked then, kissing the undersides of each of my knees before propping my legs on his shoulders.

"You don't have to," I whispered, pushing his head away.

"Yeah I do." I felt him open me with wet fingers, running them all around, teasing and tickling me, holding me still. His tongue followed, tasting me in places that would have embarrassed me if I wasn't so turned on. Places I'd be thinking about for the rest of my life.

"It takes me awhile sometimes..."

"That's okay."

"Yeah," I whispered, closing my eyes, running my fingers through his hair.

By the time he actually made it to my clit I was desperate to come. He slid two fingers inside and worked them against the rhythm of his mouth, pushing me into an orgasm that started with a flutter and ended like a tsunami, engulfing me with pleasure. I became light headed with pleasure, the heavy breathing and rush of oxygen.

He kissed my inner thighs as I finally pushed him away, sensitive and trembling, kissed all the way to my feet where he climbed off the bed and picked something off the floor.

"Where'd you get that?" I asked, voice shaking in the wake of the biggest climax ever.

"Your Uncle's nightstand."

"Ugh," I cried, not sure what was more disturbing: Edward's ongoing snooping or the image of Uncle Phil entertaining guests in his bedroom.

"Was that a _ugh_ or a _oh,_" Edward asked, on top of me, sliding right inside.

"_Oh_!"

"That's what I thought," he whispered.

He kissed me the entire time. I liked that.

* * *

I drifted into wakefulness slowly, pulled from sleep by the need to pee. Beside me, Edward snoozed peacefully. He'd passed out sometimes after the second time.

I'd thought that kind of stamina was urban legend, or at the very least relegated to adolescent boys, but Edward got hard and stayed hard and then he came and got hard again. He'd made me come a lot too, though, and it had been good. Really good. He had sex the way he did everything else: thoughtfully, slowly. At first the slowness had made me impatient, but the longer he went, the deeper, and the deeper he went, the harder I came. It was hard for me to come from sex, but he took his time.

I was sore now, though. So sore that sitting up hurt.

I limped to the bathroom, feeling like a the punchline of a frat house joke.

Downstairs, the fire had finally gone out, but I was too tired to do anything about it. I got a glass of water from the sink and was drinking it when the power came back on with a hum, scaring the crap out of me. Gasping, I nearly dropped the glass, catching it by the grace of God. With the lights on I felt exposed, and I quickly turned them off.

"Well thank God," I mumbled, making my way to the thermostat in the foyer so I could adjust the heater. The house had grown cold while we slept, and the t-shirt I wore did little to protect me from it.

I was tiptoeing back to the stairs, intent on returning to the warmth of bed when I noticed the shotgun. Edward had left it by the front door, as he often did after coming in from the outside. Because of the incident with the wolf I understood why he did this, but I didn't like it. I picked the shotgun up gingerly and put it into the closet where it belonged, resting it on the top shelf. Something else clattered to the floor.

My phone.

I stared down at it, stomach in knots. Why had he put it there? What was he hiding? Grabbing it, I realized the battery had died. We had electricity now, though, so I could charge it.

Hoping Edward's past few days of hypothermia, wood chopping and sex would keep him asleep, I flew back into the living room. My purse was there, buried beneath blankets, and inside of it, my charger.

I plugged my phone in, waiting impatiently for it to power up. I kept thinking about Edward and what he'd been doing to me hours before. How much I'd loved it and wanted it. How much I still wanted it, and how much it was going to hurt when all of the unanswered questions and gut instincts I'd been shoving down came to light.

Finally, my screen appeared.

Eleven missed calls, twenty three text messages.

Shaking, I hit the messages first. Most of them were from Rose, but a couple were from Jacob too, which was weird. We hadn't talked in a while. I opened the most recent text from Rose.

_omg Bella call me. please. i'm freaking out._

The one before it read

_did you check? is everything okay?_

I frowned. Check what?

_they're saying it was that area. i don't know._

Confused, I continued scrolling through, going further and further back in time until...

_it was on the news...it's probably nothing but Alice thinks I should tell you. there was an accident out there. one of those prison trucks that transports criminals. anyway, the guy actually got FREE. there's this huge manhunt now. he's totally dangerous._

I felt my heart wither and shrink, snagged between brokenness and fear. Staring at the phone, I numbly read the rest of the messages which had nothing to do with anything. The remote control was between the couch cushions as usual. Trembling, I turned the TV on and turned the volume way down. It didn't take long to find a news channel...

...or Edward's face, staring at me from the screen. A banner ran across the bottom of the screen, bright red, urging us to alert the authorities if we saw anything.

The floor creaked, and he materialized from the dark.

* * *

_**Bjork - Hyperballad**_

* * *

_**just a few chapters left...**_

_**i've said this about other stories i've written: i write things i'd like to read. so, yeah. edward's the guy you knew he was, you feared he was. but as far as killers go, i'm more into jax teller than jeffrey dahmer if that makes you feel any better.**_

_**thanks so much for reading! even when things are crazy ;)**_

_**xoxoxo**_


	8. alert

**Word Prompt: Alert**

**Plot Generator—Phrase Catch: Run like the wind. Repeat the phrase to yourself five times, open a blank word document and begin.**

**Twilight, and all recognizable characters, belong to SM.**

**not beta'd. rated M.**

* * *

_Oh, God._

The most brutal fear I'd ever felt snaked up through my belly, coiling itself around my throat. I couldn't even swallow as Edward came toward me, his features becoming visible as he stepped into the dim, blue glow.

He took the remote control from me and switched the TV off, plunging us back into darkness. A second later his hand found mine and he pulled me gently up. "Told you not to watch that shit," he whispered.

Rendered speechless by how real things had just gotten, I stood frozen, unable to quell my nerves. Edward was a wanted man. He'd done something bad enough to warrant not just jail time, but heavily protected transport. I was protecting a _fugitive. _

My eyes had adjusted to the dark again, and I saw that he was looking down at me.

"Please," I whimpered.

His arms slid around me. "I said I wouldn't hurt you and I meant it."

"Who _did_ you hurt?"

"People who got in my way."

My knees gave, but he held on to me, his heart pounding the same way mine was. In a burst of crazy, I shoved him away and clambered over the couch. I didn't know where I was going - there was literally _nowhere to go_ and I couldn't see a thing - but my flight instincts were finally kicking in and I needed to put as much distance between us as possible.

But he caught me in seconds, grabbing my arm and yanking me back against his chest.

"I'll leave in the morning."

We stood there like that, cold and in the dark, silent, until he let go and walked away. I stood for a moment, watching. There wasn't much I could do but follow, and he must've known I would because he waited for me at the foot of the stairs.

* * *

I lay on my side, staring at the window, Edward's body curved around mine. The big spoon to my little, he'd managed to doze off again, but for obvious reasons I couldn't. Outside, the snow had finally stopped, and the sky was clear. I hadn't been able to see the stars in weeks, but tonight they shone bright.

I thought about the unfairness of it all. The one guy that had managed to wake me up was a criminal. Maybe even a killer. Who was I kidding - he was definitely a killer. I had absolutely no idea how this was going to end; I just prayed I wouldn't end with it.

Tears rolled sideways across my face, dripping off of my nose and on to my pillow. Now that the jig was up, Edward hadn't bothered to hide my phone again. It sat silently on the nightstand, an unlikely harbinger of bad news.

_I won't hurt you, but you can't tell anyone I'm here. Okay?_

_Okay._

And I wouldn't. Not tonight, anyway. Still, there were messages on that phone I needed to read. As if it knew I was watching, the screen lit up with a new alert. I carefully reached for it and accessed my older texts, going for Jacob's first.

_I heard something rather disturbing from Rosalie. Are you all right, Bells?_

and then

_I'm on my way. Stay inside._

My heart clenched. I looked at the time stamp on the message; it had been sent hours ago. He was coming, my misguided knight in shining armor, storming the castle the way he always did. And that's if he got here before the inevitable search party did. We were running out of time.

I cringed inwardly. _We. _Yeah - Edward was running out of time, not me. I'd done nothing wrong, unless you counted emotional crimes to oneself.

"You gonna answer him?" Edward's gravelly voice asked, seconds before he plucked the phone away and tossed it to the floor.

"No," I whispered, letting him turn me over to face him. "I just wanted to see what he had to say."

"Who is he?"

"My ex boyfriend. He's a cop."

Edward chuckled darkly. "How appropriate."

"I wasn't going to say anything." Anger flared through me, and I wiggled out from under him. "I said I wouldn't. You want me to trust you? Well, you need to trust me."

"I do trust you," he said, rolling on to his back. "I'd be gone already if I didn't."

I barely slept. When I did, it was in fits and snatches, a confusion of dreams and reality. When I did finally wake for good, Edward was gone. I sat up, wondering if he'd left the bed or just left. Despite everything, the thought I might never see him again weighed heavily on my heart. A sob worked its way up and I covered my face, letting myself cry.

"Shit." Edward stood in the door way, arms braced against the frame. I'd never be able to look at a pair of stupid grey sweatpants again without thinking of him. "Don't cry, girl. Come on." He made his way over, sitting beside me on the bed.

"I thought you were gone." I sniffled, embarrassed. "You should be gone."

"Take a shower with me."

"What? No."

"Hey."

"No." I met his gaze head on, trying to ignore the obvious situation in his pants. Even if I wanted to, I was still sore. Actually, a shower sounded heavenly; just not the kind Edward had in mind. _Lies. That sounded heavenly too. _

"I want you. And I know you still want me." He stared steadily at me.

I looked away now, a blush spreading across my cheeks. When I didn't say anything else, he touched my arm and then stood. "You gonna let me take a shower before I go, at least? Might be my last one for awhile."

"Go ahead." I shrugged, nodding.

"Ladies first. I'll get something to eat."

I watched as he left, knocking the top of the doorway again before disappearing into the hallway. I didn't understand his lack of his urgency; either he wanted to be caught or he was so cocky he thought he couldn't be. My stomach tensed into knots, thinking about the shitstorm coming our way. What would I say? How was I going to look at Jacob after this? I'd lie, of course. Lie til I was blue in the face. I didn't even know who I was anymore.

Maybe that wasn't such a bad thing. I stood, stretched in the weak winter sun coming through the window, and went to take my shower.

* * *

I stood against the door, watching Edward prepare to leave. Fully dressed in layers and boots, he was throwing food and water into an old backpack, even an extra blanket I'd found in the linen closet.

"You never told me what it is you did," I said quietly. "Have you killed?"

He stopped, dropping the backpack and walking over to where I waited, hands folded across my chest.

"I do what I have to do."

Taking that as a yes, I moved on. "So…"

"I run a family business, Bella."

"Thought you said your family didn't live around here."

"They don't. Not anymore."

"The mob?"

"Nope."

"Are you...drug dealers?"

Amusement danced across his face. "You could say that."

"Stop fucking with me," I ground out, eyes blurring with tears.

"Production and distribution of meth."

"Meth?"

His eyes went back and forth between mine.

"Do you," I swallowed, holding the stare, "do that?"

"What, cook? A couple times...but not really. I just made sure things ran smoothly... made contacts."

"But do you _do_ it?"

"Naw. Never get high off your own supply." He smiled rather grimly.

"So you just sell it to other people-"

"I sell it to people so they can sell it to people."

"So they can get high." I shook my head, looking down. "Why? Why would you be a part of that?"

"Supply and demand, girl." He came closer, bringing his lips to my ear, resting a hand on my hip. "Sometimes bad things can make people feel so good."

I closed my eyes, a shiver going through me. Even after everything he'd told me, that transfer of warmth - his skin on mine - melted me. I knew this was wrong. I knew it would never work. And yet, my heart yearned for it.

"Did I break you down, Bella?" He kissed my ear and then ducked down to kiss my lips. "Cause you sure broke me down."

I fisted his shirt as he kissed me, kissing back with everything I had. He tugged my hair, nipped my neck, and finally yanked my pants to the floor, kicking them aside as he unbuckled his own.

"We're not gonna make any babies, are we?" he grunted, hoisting me up against the door.

"N-no."

He worked his way inside, thrusting slowly until I was wetter. I held on tight, torn between lust, sadness...and a little discomfort.

"You okay?" he asked, face buried in my neck.

"Hurts a little."

He must've felt the same, because he grabbed my thighs and turned so that he was against the door. He slid to the floor, holding us together. "Let me feel you," he said between kisses. He licked his thumb and reached reached between us, touching me. "Let me feel you come on me."

Our sex was a lot faster than it had been the night before, harder. When I came I cried out, holding onto his shoulders as he thrust up into me, rapidly chasing his own completion. Then those green eyes met mine and I just knew he felt the same.

The panic of loss washed over me as we pulled ourselves together. Edward was hurrying now, donning gloves and a ski cap.

"Take the gun," I said. "I know it's big, but...it's better than nothing."

He said nothing, only disappearing into the living room before returning with another, smaller handgun. I gaped at it.

"It was in the drawer by his bed."

I shook my head. "Okay. Just...go. They'll be here any minute." As it was, I doubted he'd get very far and that gutted me. Besides the local authorities, and the Feds, I knew how dedicated Jacob was. Edward would have to run like the wind to have even half of a chance.

"Bye, pretty girl." He grabbed my face and kissed me before opening the door. I barely even felt the cold. "I'll find you."

"No. Don't."

"I will."

"They'll find you first."

"They'll _never_ find me," he said, eyes hardening. It was like watching someone turn to stone before me. He pushed me into the house, locked the door from the inside, and slammed it shut behind him.

* * *

**Lorde - Glory &amp; Gore**

**(actually, you could just play the whole Lorde album as you read this story. God knows I've played it nonstop while writing it)**

* * *

_**wow. this is like Lawless, Breaking Bad, SoA... i obviously watch too many movies/shows. many **__**thanks for reading &amp; reviewing. i appreciate it and love to hear what you're thinking. the good, the bad and the ugly, baby! (speaking of babies, no. please. there will be none. i'm sure they'd be adorbs but i doubt Edward would be father of the year...)**_

_**xoxoxo**_


	9. taxi

**Word Prompt: Taxi**

**not beta'd. rated M. Twilight and all recognizable characters belong to SM.**

* * *

I stood at the window for a long time, watching. Maybe even waiting. I knew I'd never see Edward again, and I was oddly okay with that. He made me feel so conflicted - afraid on a very primal level, but also very aroused, as if one fed into the other. Having him around, especially after we'd hooked up, kept me on a knife's edge and it was a relief to step down. Part of me mourned the loss of connection we'd shared, but most of me understood that people like him and people like me could not co-exist.

Perhaps his role in my life, should I choose to believe in fate, was to wake me up. Remind me that I had purpose, that I could be brave and spontaneous (if not totally stupid, too).

I missed him. Maybe I'd always miss him. But I could no more have him in my life than I could a wild animal. Beautiful, intriguing...deadly.

When the sight of endless white began to bother my eyes, I shut the curtains and plugged my cell phone in to the wall so it could charge fully before the electricity flaked out again. Guilt settled over me as I scanned Rose's increasingly panicked texts. I knew I needed to call her as soon as possible, but then there was Jacob, too. Regardless of our past or how he could be, he didn't deserve another moment of worry. I jabbed out a text to him, promising I was all right, and then, taking a deep breath, called Rose.

"Bella?!"

"Hey! I got your messages!" I said, imbuing my tone with as much cheer as possible. I probably sounded insane. "Everything okay?"

"I - I'm fine, Bella," she said impatiently. "Are _you_ okay? Is that guy...still there?" Her voice had dropped to a whisper, as if she feared whoever might be here could hear her.

"No, he left." I swallowed, closing my eyes. "He didn't do anything...I didn't even know until I read your messages...I don't even know..."

"But why didn't you call me? How did you miss the news?"

"The power kept going out. It might go out again; I don't know." This was true, and I took comfort in knowing that there was plenty of truth I could tell without messing things up for myself.

Or Edward.

"Oh my God," she cried. "I'm so glad you're okay. Alice wants to know if you're coming home."

"Of course I'm coming home," I muttered. "Jacob's on his way, along with God knows who else...hey, Rose."

"What?"

"What exactly did you tell Jacob? He seemed a little freaked when he messaged me."

"I told him what you told me. That some guy had shown up half dead, and that you were like...nursing him back to health. And then I didn't hear from you for awhile, so, I told him that too. He knew something was up. We all did. Oh my God. I knew you shouldn't have gone out there. I knew it..."

She continued rambling, which was rare for Rose, and I allowed her to. She was one of my very best friends, and I couldn't imagine what she and Alice had been going through during the last few days.

_What about what I went through?_

We spoke a little longer before disconnecting. A half an hour after that, the power shut down. I hadn't heard back from Jacob, but I knew he'd be with me soon enough.

"Dammit," I muttered, eyeing the firewood supply. Edward had left plenty of it, thankfully, but I still felt the precariousness of my situation. I imagined what things would have been like had he not been there. The wolf. The cold, no heat.

What started as a distant rumble grew in intensity until it sounded as if sky was coming apart. I shot off of the couch, grabbing a sweatshirt from the floor and pulling it on as I ran to the window.

The cavalry had arrived.

* * *

Jacob held my chin in his hand, examining my face. His deep brown eyes flickered with genuine concern between mine. "You're okay," he murmured, brushing his fingertips across my cheekbone.

He'd arrived just moments before, leading the charge against a backdrop of hard core law enforcement, search dogs, and several SUVs like the determined hero of a Michael Bay movie. If I hadn't realized what a big deal this manhunt was, I surely understood then.

I eased delicately away from the intimacy of Jacob's touch. We'd been like that once, a long time ago, and would still be if he could have his way. "I'm fine. I told you - he didn't...do anything. I didn't even know he was dangerous."

"I know, I know. Shh." He yanked me closer, enveloping me in his huge frame. He smelled great.

He smelled wrong.

"Are you sure there isn't..." He paused, holding me away again so he could look at me. "Anything you want to tell me? We can keep it private..."

"Jacob -"

"If you need a rape kit-"

"Jacob!" I pushed away fully, staring incredulously. "Are you listening to me? I said nothing happened." _Nothing non-consensual, anyway_. "Stop it. Deal with whatever it is he did do, okay?"

"I'm sorry." Hands held up, he seemed contrite... but I'd known him long enough to suspect it was a bit of an act. Jacob was good at what he did, from hunting criminals to coaxing the truth, and right now I was the one in the interrogation seat - even if I was the 'victim'. "But Bella...when Rose told me I couldn't help but imagine the worst. You have no idea how hard the past twenty four hours have been."

He was right. I didn't know. Sighing, I nodded and patted his hand. "I know. I'm sorry you were worried."

"Listen. They're going to have to debrief you sooner than later, you know that, right? Every detail...they have to know exactly what you know. And you have to be completely honest."

I scoffed, but my heart was racing. "Of course I'll be honest, Jacob."

"I know you will, babe. But..." He looked around, and then leaned in. "It's odd that he was here for so long without you knowing who he was."

"I told you, we had no electricity for a lot of the time. And when we did, I was trying to help him. I - I didn't have time for TV." It was the truth, but it was a lie, too.

"Hey." He gazed steadily at me. "I know. But you have to make sure _they know_. It's a crime to aid a fugitive."

Now a different kind of fear filled me. Because as innocent as I'd been when this had all started, I'd known exactly what I was doing in the end. Swallowing, I nodded. "I understand."

I looked around at the flurry of activity. A stark difference from the quiet past few weeks, the cabin was now filled with police officers and state sheriffs taking pictures and dusting for fingerprints while search dogs sniffed both inside and out.

I thought of the wolf, wondering if it had survived, if it was nearby.

One of the officers, a large, intimidating man with greying hair, approached me.

"Hello, Ms. Swan; I'm Officer Ateara. I just need to ask a few questions..."

* * *

"I'm going to pack my things," I told Jacob, who gave me a sympathetic squeeze before letting me go. Officer Ateara's questions had been predictable, but answering them had still been hard. I told as much of the truth as I could, like the general timeline of Edward's stay, but I fudged on other things.

_Around what time did he leave?_

_I don't know. Yesterday, in the afternoon. It was getting dark._

_And what was he wearing? _

_Grey sweatpants. A black sweater. A coat._

_Why did he say he was leaving?_

_He said he was going to get more firewood, and then he just didn't come back._

It was obvious that, previous to this encounter, Edward and I had never met. Plus, the power was still out, backing my story about why I was so uninformed, so after asking a few more questions I was free to go. There was no reason for anyone to think anything different to what I'd said.

Trudging upstairs, I mentally went over what needed to be done before leaving. I'd already called Uncle Phil, who was horrified at what had happened and would be returning a week early. My mother had called me, having heard second hand through Rose. She'd been a little hysterical, but knowing that Jacob was by my side with Washington State's best had seemed to ease her mind.

Upstairs, I dressed warmly and tossed everything else into my duffle bag. I collected my toothbrush and razors from the bathroom, seeing in my mind's eye Edward shaving in front of the mirror. I walked down the narrow hallway, the specter of Edward's presence following me to the bedroom. The messy bed mocked me, and I quickly made it, feeling like the worst niece ever for not at least washing the sheets. Then, cringing, I yanked them off altogether and tossed them in the hamper.

Grabbing my bags, I allowed myself one last look around the room and then, out the window. Below, only a few cops reminded standing in the snow - the majority had already resumed their pursuit. I shivered, imagining Edward out there, being hunted in the cold. What would kill him? Exposure? Wolves? Gunshots?

But it didn't matter now, right?

Not anymore. Not to me.

I tried to convince myself of that as I left the cabin in the woods.

* * *

We spent the night in the nearby city of Leavenworth, in a motel, and in the morning, Jacob put me on a train to Seattle. He didn't want to leave me alone, he explained, but he needed to get "back out there". I wasn't surprised. Now that I was safe, he could go and insert himself in the manhunt, lending his expertise and general knowledge of the area.

I was glad to see him go. My feelings toward him only added to my guilt; he'd done nothing but put me first and love me, and I was being an ungrateful bitch. I couldn't help it, though. Jacob meant well but he tended to smother me, and I needed time to decompress on my own. I was only a few minutes into my journey when Rose texted.

_You on that train yet?_

_Yeah. I'll be home around three._

_which station? _

_King St. but don't come. I'll call a cab_

_you're not talking a damn taxi so stop your shit. we'll be there. _

_;) thx. _

_xoxo_

And then, there was nothing else to think about but Edward - those nearly feral green eyes and his raspy voice, the color of his hair in the firelight and how relaxed he looked when he was sleeping. How he'd saved me from the wolf. How unapologetic he seemed about everything - not in the vaguely condescending air of Jacob, who was Right in Every Way Possible, but in a way that earned him a begrudging respect from me. He made no excuses for who he was.

How he kissed me and the way he'd gone down on me and the fact I was still kind of sore after the longest sex _ever_ and the fact I'd actually done all of that with a criminal, and not just any criminal but a dangerous, wanted felon who'd previously made a living doing one of the scummiest, worst things ever.

I almost laughed. But instead I cried: a deep, quiet cry from way down. I turned my face to the window, to an endless grey sky and the blur of green trees beneath it, wondering how a person came back from something like this.

* * *

_**thank you so much for reading. and for reviewing. it means a lot when you take the time to do so, makes the journey more fun when the words go both ways. love you, fandom.**_

_**xoxo**_


	10. scourge

**Word Prompt: Scourge**

**Scenario: Relive the past or see into the future?**

**Complete the scenario in any way, in any style, and for any word count. Open your mind and follow where it leads, writing as you go.**

**not beta'd. rated M. Twilight &amp; all recognizable characters belong to SM.**

* * *

_One year later_

* * *

Alice stood, gathering her bag. "I gotta get going. Jasper's expecting me back..."

Nodding, I stood too. "I know. I'm here if you need me, though, okay?"

Smiling softly, she drew close, wrapping her arms around me. She was small, but her hugs were mighty. "Thanks, Bella," she whispered, squeezing extra tight before letting go.

Emotion welled up big inside, and all I could do was nod again. We let of each other and I walked her to the door, watching silently as she walked down the path and to the street, where she'd parked.

It was a cold day, and windy. Shivering, I wrapped my arms around myself and waited until Alice had pulled away before stepping back inside. Despite the dreary sky, this was still my favorite weather. Always had been. It reminded me of Christmas with my parents before their divorce, and ice fishing with my Dad in Alaska after it. My mother had always hated winter, which is why she lived in Florida now, but as a kid she'd always been good for endless supplies of cocoa and movie marathons.

These days my nostalgia was tinged with a touch of melancholy. Despite my efforts, memories of last year kept slipping to the forefront of my mind lately. I'd done a good job of forcing myself not to dwell on that time, of the cabin in the woods and being snowed in with the perfect stranger, but life had a way of reminding me. It didn't happen as frequently as before, but Edward's picture popped up at the randomest times: FBI posters at the post office, America's Most Wanted on TV - the guy they'd gotten to play him in the dramatization was nowhere near as good looking - once even online as I researched something completely unrelated.

In the weeks and months right after, his picture had saturated the news. It was all I saw, and I tortured myself by watching and reading about it constantly. Every day he remained un-captured felt like a victory, regardless of how throughly screwed up that type of thinking was. I couldn't help it, though; he'd done something to me.

Well, he'd done a lot of things to me, things I mentally savored and relived at a moment's notice, but mainly it was the way he'd forced me awake. I'd heard that near death experiences had a way of doing that to people - giving them a "new lease on life" - and while he'd never tried to hurt me, the entire situation had shaken me to the core.

I knew it was wrong, and impossible, but I missed the feeling he gave me. I wanted him. I wanted to feel his wanting me. It had been so sharp, so vivid, and sometimes I still ached for it.

* * *

Alice, who'd always been particularly observant and intuitive, had been the first to notice. I'd been back a week and had finally consented to leaving my apartment with the girls. After having coffee at our favorite spot, she'd leaned in, eyes damn near sparkling in anticipation, and asked, "so, did you kiss him?"

And I'd been too surprised to lie.

Rose, true to character, wasn't quite as charitable with her reaction, but she didn't scourge me for my actions, either. She was just puzzled - and a little grossed out.

"He could have a ten foot dick and give the best oral on the West Coast - no way in hell I'd hook up with a convict. Especially..." She'd shuddered. "A meth dealer. I mean, gross. At least coke, you know? Not so grimy. Or weed better yet. I could handle handle a pothead."

"You made Emmett stop smoking weed back when you guys got serious," I reminded her.

"Yeah, you're right. It's _all_ bad."

Feigning nonchalance, I rolled my eyes. "I know, I know, okay? It was a -"

"Mistake?" she asked, smirking.

"One time thing," I said with a sigh.

"_A crime of opportunity_," Alice said, waggling her eyebrows. "Whatever; I think it's hot. I saw his picture and mhm. I'd hit it."

"Lovely." Snorting, I stirred my coffee. "It doesn't matter anyway. He's gone."

It had felt good to say, and good to admit all of it to my friends, knowing that they'd take the things I'd shared to the grave. But I knew I had to leave it at that. My feelings for Edward went inexplicably deeper than I'd let the girls believe, and that was something I needed to deal with on my own.

I realized I needed to leave Seattle for awhile. For one thing, Edward's face was everywhere, haunting me. For another, Jacob's passion for the case had reached a new level of crazy. He was committed to finding Edward and _bringing him down!_ His other passion was me, and while he cloaked his affection in friend zone type behavior we both saw it for what it really was.

So I left.

I packed my stuff, subleased my apartment to a UW grad student, and flew east to be with my mother. Alice and Rose were bummed, but they seemed to understand that my departure was a good thing. For years I'd shown a general lack of excitement toward life, and that had finally changed for me. I spent six months with my mother in the Florida Keys, sunbathing, going on pub crawls and frequenting art galleries. I got a job bartending, and though I kind of sucked in the beginning I was a pro by the time I left.

I returned to Seattle right as autumn began to chase away the summer. The crisp air was welcome after months of sun-soaked humidity, and I felt, as corny as it sounds, renewed. I got a job bartending downtown, much to the surprise of my friends, and re-enrolled in school. I wanted to teach, same as I'd wanted when I was a little girl (before life had dulled my sparkle, as Alice would say).

I felt…grateful.

* * *

Closing the door, I sighed as I caught sight of something bright pink. Alice had left her mittens again. Padding into the kitchen, I grabbed my phone and sent her a message.

_These mittens are mine now._

She responded right away. _I'll grab them Friday, sweetcheeks._

Shaking my head, I pocketed my phone and curled up on the couch. It was a rare day off, no work and no school, and I relished the thought vegging out. I just wished I didn't feel so emo.

I'd been fine. Great, even. Being back in town had initially brought back certain feelings, but they'd faded over time as I'd carved new patterns - grad school, working and living in new places. I was meeting people as well, people like Ben. He was a one year younger than me but two ahead of me in the program, and we had some of the same classes. Chance meetings became study dates, and then coffee dates, and then date-dates. After being single for so long it felt good to be into someone.

Other things had evolved, too. Emmett and Rose had tied the knot after the world's longest engagement and now Alice and Jasper were expecting.

And actually, Alice was a little freaked out about that, which was why she'd come by today. She'd been so chatty and anxious I'd kept my own news to myself - that Ben and I had finally called it quits after four months. It hadn't been anything dramatic; we just realized we didn't fit the way we thought we did.

I was still a little depressed about it, though.

Times like this I thought about Edward, wondered what he was doing. Had he really and truly made it? I supposed he had - there hadn't been news about him in quite some time. Jacob would've told me if they caught him, anyway. I fought the urge to google him.

Laughing a little, I remembered how there'd been a time I'd hoped he'd come for me the way he'd promised. It had been so ludicrous and yet, I couldn't deny that I'd harbored that fantasy for months. In Seattle, in Key West. I imagined looking up and seeing him there, offering me a way out.

But I didn't need a way out anymore. I'd gotten myself out, and I was doing better than I had in years. If I was honest, though, I guessed I could admit to missing him, which was silly because we'd only spent three days together. My eyes fell to the calendar above my desk.

Wow. A year to the day. Had it really been? I saw him in my mind's eye, unconscious in front of the fireplace...on the porch with a shotgun...beneath me on Uncle Phil's couch...eating bacon...

My phone beeped: Jacob.

_Are you home? I could bring a pizza by. Six pack of that beer you like._

My stomach growled. On one hand, I was enjoying my alone time. But on the other, I hadn't seen Jacob in a couple of weeks. And I was emotional - lonely because of Ben and concerned for Alice and now, _dammit_, remembering Edward with an intensity I hadn't felt in some time. Maybe drowning my emotions in grease and alcohol was the way to go.

I messaged him back, inviting him over.

Jacob stayed late. It was like old times, pigging out, catching up and tossing back brews. I liked him like this, when he was just Jake. Mellow. Too bad it took the better part of a twelve pack to get him this way.

"I missed you," he said, grinning sideways at me. "Work's been a bitch lately."

I burped, earning a laugh. "I missed you too, can't lie."

Grinning, he tossed me a napkin and pointed. "You have cheese on your face."

I wiped it off, and then, out of nowhere, he came in for a kiss. I was nearly tipsy enough to let him; he was familiar, and we had history - and I was still stinging from the breakup with Ben. I knew we'd both feel like idiots in the morning, though. Pushing him away, I shook my head. "Not going to happen, Jake. Come on."

"I could be so good for you, Bella."

Yeah, so apparently we were back at square one with regard to boundaries. I almost wanted to be mad at him, but I was too tired. And I felt kind of bad, too. Not because I'd done anything wrong, but because he was a good guy - just not good for me.

Sighing loudly, I stood. Jacob was a sentimental drunk. And a horny one. "Okay. I'm calling you a cab."

"Sure, sure," he said, closing his eyes as he leaned his head back.

Twenty minutes later, there was a honk outside. "Come on, Casanova, that's you," I said, walking him to the door.

He yawned, giving me a sloppy side-hug. "'Kay. Lock the door when I leave."

"I will. Love you, bye." I shoved him into the cold, watching him trip toward the waiting taxi. And then he really did - trip.

"Shit," I mumbled, going to help him. "Jacob..."

"What the hell is that?" he groaned, standing up.

Because there, on the path between my house and the street, was a pile of firewood.

* * *

_**thanks so much for reading and for every review. i appreciate them - and you - so, so, so much. **_

_**xoxo**_


	11. experiment

_**Word Prompt: Experiment**_

_**not beta'd. rated M. twilight and all recognizable characters b****elong to SM.**_

* * *

Clouds of breath escaped from my mouth - and Jacob's - as we stared at that wood. It was just a small pile, not a cord or anything, but its presence spoke volumes. Screamed it.

"Neighborhood kids," I explained with haste, forcing a little laugh. "Always goofing off."

It made no sense, but then...neither did the truth, either. If it was I thought it was.

Before Jacob's drunken thought train could catch up to itself, I gave him another shove - to his feet this time. I didn't know if the cabbie was watching this or not, but maybe he caught on because he honked his horn, the sound shrill in the thick silence of a cold street past midnight.

"All right, all right," snapped Jacob, wiping his hands off on his jeans. He glanced down at the wood, yawned, and started to go. Pausing at the curb, he looked back at me. "Go inside, Bells. I won't go until you do."

"All right, all right," I mimicked, moving quickly back indoors. My fingers were freezing - I hadn't dressed to come outside. Shivering, I shut the door and locked it.

There's shivering from cold, but then also, shivering from nerves.

I was awake half the night, thinking about that wood. I didn't know what to make of it. Obviously, it was Edward's way of telling me he was back, but...how? And where was he? It wasn't safe for him here, or anywhere in the open. While the hunt for him had significantly scaled back over time, he was still a target. His family's meth operation had spanned state lines, increasing their sentences if caught, but then he'd run and actually escaped. That right there, if nothing else, made him a very wanted man.

And they knew he was armed. Had to be. Jake had told me all about it one night, months before. I'd listened. Because while it sickened me to hear how Jacob regarded Edward, I was way too curious to stop him from spilling what he knew.

I guess the Masens were survivalists. Originally from Chicago, Edward's parents moved to the more isolated parts of Washington State when he and his siblings were little. There had been a lot of hunting and camping, which sounded pretty cool - I could think of worse ways to grow up - and Edward's mother grew a lot of her own food. The few neighbors they had, all spread across miles of wilderness, as well as residents of nearby Snake River, could recall Elizabeth Masen selling organic produce at farmer's markets. Jacob wasn't sure when the switch was made from fruit to illegal drugs, but by the time Edward and two of his brothers were teenagers, they had a thriving business.

And their mother had left, probably unable, or unwilling, to participate.

This was all stuff from their files. At the time, Edward's father and brothers had been gone for years. Edward had been the one to take the brunt of it, the literal fall.

"He deserved it, though," Jacob had said, confidently. "I mean, they all need to go down but...Edward's particularly ruthless."

My stomach flipped. "What do you mean?"

"I mean he's a killer. Probably the smartest of the group, but also the most dangerous." he'd reconsidered then, stroking his chin. "Well, not that smart. He did get arrested."

"And then he got away," I blurted, oddly satisfied when Jacob's smirk morphed into a frown.

Now things had died down on the news, but I knew Edward's evasion was a thorn in Jacob's side. He had been moved to other cases, matters of more pressing concern, but I knew this niggled at him. I never asked questions, though, and changed the subject as soon as it came up. Edward Masen was none of my business, and I wished it wasn't Jacob's either. He could be so dogged.

Despite tossing and turning, I forced myself to stay in bed. Right before dawn broke, I dragged myself into the shower, mind continuing to race. I kept seeing Edward's face, hearing him tell me he'd find me. I'd gone back and forth with that for so long, wishing he'd forget about me and then wanting him to come. It wasn't good for anyone if he came.

Looked like it was too late for that, though.

I toweled off and got dressed before heading downstairs to make coffee. Outside, the far-off rumble of garbage trucks reminded me I'd forgotten to take mine out, and cursing lightly, I slipped into my sneakers and jogged outside.

The wood was right where I'd left it the night before. I placed my garbage at the curb and turned to come back inside, stopping to scoop up the wood. Placing it on my porch, I glanced up and down the street, wondering if Edward was out there. Had he dropped this off to let me know he was okay? Or was this his way of telling me he was keeping his promise?

Next door, Jessica Stanley just barely got her trash curbside before the truck came. She waved sheepishly when she saw me, cheeks pink with exertion. I waved back, smiling. That had been me too many times, rushing out in a bathrobe like a maniac.

I had a long day ahead of me, full of classes and then work downtown, so I headed back inside for breakfast and maybe more coffee. I was sprinkling walnuts and raisins into my oatmeal when my phone chimed. It was ALice.

_you working tonight?_

_yes. what's up? _I responded.

_might stop by with Angie. _

I'd forgotten it was her sister's birthday. Nodding to myself, I typed, _of course. bday drinks on the house. virgin for you ;)_

She replied as I sat down, and, smiling, I glanced at the screen to see what sort of double entendre she was going to come up with.

_I can still smell you on my fingers, Bella._

Gasping, I looked at the number - definitely not Alice's, not that I'd needed any proof of that. My heart pounded crazily. I closed my eyes and ripped my scarf off, trying to keep from feeling too warm. The phone chimed again, giving me a start, but it _was_ Alice this time.

_you'd better. maybe i wouldn't be in this sitch if jasper had gone that route._

_that ship had sailed long before jas showed up _I wrote back, fingers shaking, with bravado I did not possess. _gotta go. see you tonight. xo_

_xoxo_

I clicked back to the anonymous message, which I knew was anything but anonymous. The only other person with this kind of intimate knowledge, and recent, was Ben, but he was too normal to send something like this. And we were awkward right now anyway, so unless he was drunk at - I checked the time - 8:04 in the morning I doubted it was him.

Over and over, my eyes flew over his words. I couldn't believe he'd written me. And that he'd written _that_. Well, no, could believe he'd say that. But how? How did he have my number? I thought immediately of his prowess, his penchant for snooping.

_Don't engage_ I told myself.

I held the phone between my hands, feeling it's warmth, telling myself it was time to go to class before I was late.

_I really hope that's figurative, _ I wrote back.

* * *

My classes were a blur. And that was literal, not figurative. I couldn't concentrate on anything my professors were saying, thanks to my lack of sleep and the subsequent weirdness of my morning.

Really, even if I had slept great, Edward's anonymous little messages - the wood and that rather forward text, good God - would've had me askew.

I did see Ben a couple of times. Either he was ignoring me or he'd truly moved on...which was fine, because I'd moved on, too. If I hadn't been before finding the firewood, I surely was afterward. I watched as Ben laughed at something the girl beside him said, rolling my eyes.

I was too old for this shit. Psychopathic meth dealers were more my speed, apparently.

Normally Monday nights were slow at work, but thanks to the blues trio they'd hired it was hopping. I enjoyed the energy, grateful that it kept my mind on mixing drinks and chatting with customers rather than the weirdness that was my life. Alice and Angie dropped in around nine, managing to snag a spot at the corner of the bar.

"Hey, ladies," I said, grinning as I made my way over. "Happy birthday, Ang."

"Thanks, Bella," she said, smiling - all teeth, just like her big sister. They'd both had braces as kids, and now the perfect smiles.

"So what's it going to be?" I asked, setting cocktail napkins down. "On me, of course."

"A coke," Alice said with a sigh.

I mentally began going through ways i could experiment with that, making it special despite the lack of alcohol. "And you, birthday girl?"

"You're the expert. Pick something for me." She winked.

Starting with Long Island Ice Teas, I plied the girls with goodies all night, making sure I matched Angie's cocktails with mocktails for Alice. They tipped me way more than they should've, but it was a good night. I was especially happy to see Alice happy and relaxed after the tumultuous few months she'd had since finding out she was pregnant.

On the way home, though, I started getting the creeps. The thought of entering a quiet, dark house this late unsettled me, and though part of me trusted Edward wouldn't hurt me, another part had a hard time reconciling that with the man I'd heard and read about.

After circling the block several times, I took a deep breath and eased into my tiny garage. I blazed through the house like a SWAT team of one, turning on lights and checking behind doors.

Once my reconnaissance mission was complete, I made a turkey and cheese on sourdough - salt and vinegar on the side, thanks - and drew a bath. I ate as I soaked, reading my latest book, too. Perhaps tonight I'd sleep better, well fed and warm after having worked hard all day.

But then my phone chimed, and before I'd even looked down at it I knew it was him.

* * *

_**i have ended this story a few times. **_

_**the first ending was the moment Edward finds Bella in front of the TV after she realizes he's a wanted criminal. i'd thought about this story for months, and it **__**was a oneshot ending that way. i wanted it to be creeeepy.**_

_**the second ending was when Edward left the cabin.**_

_**And the third was when she found the firewood.**_

_**Not sure when the real ending will go down…but I generally try not to drag things out, so, we'll see. thanks for humoring me and reading, guys! love you! is it getting nice and chilly where you are? it is for me! as a new georgia girl, i am relishing the cooler fall temps that florida just did not give me.**_

_**xoxoxo**_

_**ps **_

**_Long Island Iced Tea Mocktail:_**

**_4 oz Coke_**

**_4 oz lemonade_**

**_4 oz black tea_**

**_lemon garnish_**


	12. water

**Word Prompt: Water**

**Twilight and all recognizable characters etc belong to SM. **

**Not beta'd. Rated M.**

* * *

Choosing to ignore the text for the time being, I closed my eyes and soaked until I was so drowsy I could've fallen asleep right there in the water. Thoughts of Edward circled through my tired brain, and what his presence meant for me.

Obviously, I wanted him. Physically...but even emotionally. We'd connected once, and I wanted to experience that connection again. In various ways. I smiled to myself, feeling my face warm with more than just bath steam.

But wanting Edward on that level was very different than wanting to actually pursue something. It wasn't realistic to think that it was, and unless something miraculous went down, I couldn't foresee a future with him. That made me sad, but coming to this realization - allowing myself to come to it naturally - was a relief. I didn't have to do anything I didn't want to, but I was also going to play it by ear.

In bed, I clicked off the lamp and reached for my phone, curious to see what Edward's earlier text had said.

_is he with you, pretty girl?_

My heart jumped. I sat up, staring at the screen. With him? Jacob? Was Edward asking if I was dating Jake or if he was here in the house?

_no_

Despite that my response had taken at least an hour, his was almost immediate: _is anybody with you?_

I peered at the window, wondering if he was out there right now, being stalkery. _No, _I typed. _But you know this. Aren't you watching me?_

Then I was the one left hanging, because he didn't respond. I put my phone down, hit the pillow, and passed out.

* * *

Alice wanted to have lunch with Rose and me later, but I begged off, asking if we could do it another day. I just wasn't in the mood. Knowing Edward was around was exhausting enough without feeling like I was lying by omission.

My first class of the day was a later one, and I had a couple of hours to kill before heading out. I watched the street as I sipped coffee, wondering if Edward was around. When did he come? And where did he go when he wasn't here? How many aspects of my life was he privy to?

I should have been way more disturbed about it than I was. Not sure what that said about me. Instead, a glimmer of excitement ran through my veins, giving the gloomy, grey day an undercurrent of anticipation. I didn't know what Edward's plan was, or if he even had one, but I knew I was probably going to see him soon.

Work was slow, and I was let go early. I jetted home, scarcely keeping the speed limit. My little house was less creepy tonight, seeing as I'd left half of the lights on, including the one on the porch. I figured being environmentally irresponsible for a bit was better than being scared. After checking every room, though, it appeared as though I was alone. Which was good. Obviously! It was great.

I read half of a book. Ate grapefruit. Cleaned the kitchen sink. Went to bed at a decent hour, for once.

I woke up early, feeling rested and then slightly disappointed. Which made me feel silly. Instead of getting up, I grabbed my laptop and starting googling, wondering if there had been any recent activity with regard to his case or the manhunt, but there hadn't been. Edward really had disappeared. More than disappeared - it was almost like, with the exception of Jacob's obsession, he'd never even existed. Perhaps this was why he was so cocky now with me now. He knew no one else knew. He knew I'd never tell.

Procrastinating online made me late, which made me skip breakfast, which made me cranky and desperate for Peet's Coffee, which was crowded. I was even later by the time I made it to class. And things snowballed from there, as they often do. I'd forgotten an assignment at home, and would likely receive a lower mark as a result. I had a headache. I did not have work, but even that seemed like a double edged sword: I actually enjoyed the respite that bartending brought me. It could be demanding, but when I was behind the bar, nothing else mattered.

Now all I had was home. I didn't even have a cat. Or a dog. As I pulled into my garage, feeling sorry for myself, I made a mental note to get one. Maybe both.

Chewing my thumbnail, I wandered to the bedroom, picked up my phone, and typed..._are you there?_ ... and immediately regretted it. What was I doing? This wasn't me. I couldn't do this, be this

_do you want me to be?_

I paused, pacing_. i don't know._

_you do know. _and then,_ you've always known._

Worried that my ambivalence was coming across as flirting (and worried more so that it actually _was_ flirting) I didn't say anything after that, and neither did he. Still, I slept that night like a stone, comforted by the knowledge that somewhere out I had someone that wanted me. Someone other than Jacob, thankfully.

* * *

In the morning, when I went to take out the trash, it was already at the curb. I stared blankly at it until the garbage truck came rumbling down the street, blasting me back to reality. On cue, Jessica Stanley hurried out, dragging her trash can. She shook her head, red faced. "Every damn time."

Smiling wryly, I nodded.

She yawned, waving as she shuffled back inside.

I followed, returning to the warmth of my house as drops of rain starting falling. It was Friday. I really, really didn't feel like going anywhere, but I had Monday off so it was a three day weekend for me already. I could do this.

I went to class. Spoke to Ben, who randomly and suspiciously seemed as if he was interested once again. Met Rose and Alice for coffee before work, keeping it brief. The bar was crowded due another live act. I rolled with it, keeping busy, trying to keep my mind off Edward.

And it was working too, until my phone vibrated in my pocket. Normally I didn't even keep my phone on my person while working, but things were different these days. I glanced down at the screen.

It was an address, a motel downtown.

Swallowing, I slid the phone back into my pocket and continued serving drinks, ignoring the knot in my stomach. I worked and worked, smiling and bantering until it was late and then I took extra time cleaning and restocking until, Maggie, my manager, was practically pushing me out the door.

"You okay, sweetie?" she asked, peering at me through a cloud of cigarette smoke. "Want Nahuel to walk you to your car?"

"Just tired. I'll be." I smiled, turning to go. "Thanks, though."

"All right. You in tomorrow?"

"Nope. Off til Tuesday."

"Ah, that's right. Drive safely, Bella."

I waved and set off down the street, glad I'd managed to park close. What had been a soft drizzle all night was finally turning into rain again and I didn't want to get caught in it. I knew I needed to go home, but the address I'd seen was burning a hole in my brain. He was nearby. He'd _been_ nearby, all this time, but now...I could see him. The thought of it quickened my breath and sent my heart racing.

The Star Motel wasn't the classiest joint, but it wasn't a dump, either. The parking lot was well lit and about half full. I read the text again, making sure I had the correct room number, then jogged through the freezing wet to the door marked 17.

Oh, man. I hadn't been this nervous in...about a year.

I knocked, then shoved my hands into my jacket to keep them warm.

The door opened...

"Edward?"

"Come on, girl."

...and I walked through it as if all of this were completely normal, as if we saw each other all the time.

He shut it promptly, locking it. I was almost afraid to look at him, even though it was the one thing I wanted most, too. His hair was so much longer than it had been before, and I could see now how auburn it was. He had a a bit of a beard again. Dark, loose jeans. Black hoodie, still. A different one, though. I could tell. White sneakers.

He was checking me out, too. I wondered what he saw, if he noticed that my hair was cut differently, that my bangs had grown out. I wore make up these days.

Our eyes met again, and he smirked, coming closer, getting all up in my personal space and backing me against the door. He loved this, I could tell, loved getting a reaction out of me, loved challenging me.

"You think about me, girl? When I was gone?"

"Yes."

"I know you did. 'cause I thought about you..." He came closer still, running his nose along the side of my face, his lips brushing the shell of my ear. "All the time."

* * *

_**iron and wine - low light buddy of mine**_

_**thank you so very much for reading. i appreciate that, and i love hearing from you guys. *hugs***_


	13. sturdy

**Word Prompt: Whiskey**

**A single word meant to inspire immediate thought. Write what your imagination dictates.**

**Word Prompt: Sturdy**

**Dialogue Flex: "I wasn't expecting them to show up so early."**

**Using the provided snippet of dialogue, explore what comes to mind, be it a scene, a thought, or something else.**

**Two days worth of prompts…we've had guests from out of town.**

**not beta'd, rated M, Twilight belongs to S M.**

* * *

"All the time?" I whispered. I closed my hands into fists, keeping them at my side. Edward had existed on the fringes of my imagination for so long that actually being with him again was surreal. He touched my hair, letting it fall through his fingers before backing up enough that we could look at one another.

Who was he? Really? I feared I'd never know. I mean, there was a side of him I knew - past intimacy had afforded us glimpses into each other, as had Jacob's intel - but I wanted more. I wanted to understand what it was about him that awakened this thing inside me. And why was _he_ so taken with _me_? Was it merely physical?

I didn't know, but he seemed different from the night fate had smashed us together, when he was close to freezing and I was desperate to save him. He'd been almost defeated then, literally knocking at death's door. But now? Now he was was far from helpless: solid, strong, looming over me in a manner that could have intimidated but didn't.

"What've you been up to?" he asked, playing in my hair again, eyes following his fingers.

"Don't you know?" I teased, but my voice was wobbly. "Just...working. And school. I went back."

He nodded, lowering his hand, and I grabbed it without thinking. "How -" I began.

Pressing against me, he leaned down, his mouth finding my mouth like it had been looking forever and only now finding. We kissed. I reached up to touch his face, to run my fingers through his hair. I loved being kissed like this. I hadn't been kissed like this is so long and I felt myself being pulled under, just like before. It felt good to let go and let him. He ran his warm, rough hands up under my jacket, the shirt I had on underneath, and I did the same, needing to feel his skin against my fingertips. He shuddered against me a little and stopped, breath coming in soft puffs against my face. I looked at him, heart clenching when we made eye contact again. This was bad. So, so bad. What was I doing? Having a taste wasn't satisfying an urge, it was turning me into an addict - like I'd known it would, deep down.

But Edward backed off, turning to cross the room. "I knew you'd come."

I stared at his back. He seemed bigger, somehow. He'd been thin when I'd found him in the blizzard. Or rather, when he'd found me. Folding my arms, I followed, stopping with the bed was between us.

"I hoped you'd come," he amended, glancing back over his shoulder. He kicked his shoes off, leaving them beside the bed.

Biting my lip, I nodded. "Guess I'm predictable like that."

"No." He shook his head. "We can't stay away from each other."

I frowned, letting that sink in a bit. I'd been regarding him as the pursuer, but he'd lured me here and I'd come so willingly. "Where have you been all this time?" I asked. "How did you get away?"

"You want a drink? I got you whiskey...bourbon..." He winked at me, and my face burned. "Picked up some tequila, too."

"This isn't a game -"

"It's not?"

"Edward, what am I doing here?" I scowled at him, thrown off by his flippant behavior. "And what are _you_ doing here? You know they're still looking for you." I paused abruptly, looking at the floor. I felt like a silly little girl, trying to keep up in a game where I didn't know the rules.

Edward ambled over to the nightstand, surveying his collection of bottles before choosing one. He poured us each a mug before plopping down on the sloppily made bed. "I told you I'd find you." He held a mug out to me. "Didn't I?"

I sat beside him, accepting the mug. A quick sniff told me it was indeed bourbon, the cheeky bastard. Assaulted by memories of making out on Uncle Phil's couch, I put the bourbon down. Edward took a healthy sip and laid back into the pillows, getting comfortable, but I couldn't. I had too many questions. And besides, I didn't feel we had that luxury, not now and maybe not ever. The reality of that kept hitting me over and over, bruising my heart: we could never, ever be together. Not the way I wanted.

Probably not the way he wanted, either.

"Hey," he said, his hand on my leg.

"I shouldn't have come," I said. "But I had to see you, had to..." I swallowed, looking at his face. Man, I really liked that face. Maybe even loved it. "Make sure."

"That's the only reason you came? To see for yourself I wasn't dead? Who you think sent you those texts?"

"You know what I mean." I sipped gingerly at my bourbon. "I'm sure it's been...a rough year.

He stared steadily at me. "You have no idea what it's been like."

"So tell me."

"What do you want to know?"

"All of it." I gestured toward him. "Starting from when you left the cabin. How'd you survive out there?"

"Wasn't hard...I'm built for that. Time you found me..." He roughed his hands through his hair. "I was in a bad way. Wasn't dressed for the weather. When I left you a few days later I had boots, food, water - a coat. Survival's not hard when you know what you're doing."

"Jacob said your family were survivalists."

He cocked his head. "That fucker needs to keep my name out of his mouth."

I blew a breath out. "Not likely. He's obsessed with finding you."

"Maybe I should find him first."

My heart fell and I grabbed his arm. "Don't. Just...leave him alone."

"You love him, Bella?" The playfulness in his eyes was underscored by a hard glint I'd seen maybe once before.

"Not the way -" I broke off, catching myself. _Not the way I could love you. _"The way he probably loves me. We dated a long time ago, but we're friends."

"Some people can't be friends."

"That's true," I admitted. "But I don't want to talk about Jacob."

We shared a look. He had this way of completely disconcerting with me with just those eyes. "So. You made it out of the woods."

"I hiked all day, heading along the highway once I found it. Hitched a ride."

"Weren't you afraid of someone recognizing you?"

"That's what the gun was for." He finished what was in his cup, and settled back again, hands folded behind his head. "That and wolves."

"You'd have killed to get away."

"I don't need to kill to get away. Most people will do whatever you want when you have a gun." He cut his eyes to me. "But it never came to that."

"But there was a manhunt...didn't they have roadblocks?"

"Weather was on my side. I rode when it was safe, walked when I had to. Power was out everywhere...communications shot to shit. It was close a couple times, but...I made it."

"To where?"

"Canada."

"You're not serious." I rubbed my hands over my face. "I thought for sure they'd catch you."

"You keep saying that. You underestimate me."

"Obviously. It's just...the whole thing is unbelievable. They came so close - _so_ close...I mean, Jake said he was on his way but I don't know. I wasn't expecting them to show up so early and yet you still managed to disappear. You must be charmed." I nodded, taking another sip before putting my mug down again. "Anyway, I'm glad you made it. I wanted you to be okay."

"Yeah, well, here I am. A-okay."

"I watched you on the news...online. I tried to follow."

"Did you?" His eyes crinkled, and he reached out, touching the sleeve of my jacket, tugging it. "Hey, you gonna stay while?"

Hesitating, I nodded.

"Take this off, then."

I found the zipper and pulled it down as Edward moved closer, taking my jacket off as soon as he could. He touched my arm then, running his fingers over my skin. It was a simple touch, but it twisted me up inside, made my nipples harden beneath my bra. I wanted to give him more.

I looked at him. He was closer enough to kiss now, his eyes following his hand's feather soft touch. Feeling my gaze, he looked up, making my heart pound with the things he didn't use words to say. He maneuvered closer, easing me on to my back. When he kissed me this time, it was deep and slow, the way I remembered from the cabin, like he was slowing time down to do me the way he really wanted.

I tugged on the hoodie, and, sitting back on his knees, he lifted it off over his head, giving me a brief glimpse of the skin between his shirt and jeans. I stretched to touch it, and he smiled for real, stretching over me, caging me in his arms.

"You look so good," he whispered, laughing a little. He was unguarded now, sweet. "I wanted you so bad, girl."

"Yeah?" I pulled his face to mine, kissing it. "No one to keep you warm at night?" _Literally._

"Why fuck some girl when I can jack off to you?"

I laughed out loud now, pushing him playfully but he came right back, kissing me. "You think I'm joking..." he muttered, and the thought that he hadn't been, that he'd waited for this, floored me. Was that true? _Why would he do that_? He wrapped one of my legs around his hips and I lifted the other one, holding him against me, feeling how hard he was.

"_I_ was 'some girl' once," I reminded him, touching his beard, his mouth.

"You were never some girl." He kissed my palm. "I feel asleep thinking I was gonna die and woke up wrapped up in you. You saved my life. You let me inside..." He smirked at this, likely satisfied at whatever he saw on my face. "And you kept our secret. You were never some girl. You're the only girl."

We kissed forever. It was the cabin all over again, rain pouring outside instead of snow, the hushed silence replaced by continuous traffic. Playfulness gave way to need. He kissed my neck, lower, sucking the skin so hard he bruised it. I couldn't keep my hands off of him, pulling his shirt up so I could feel his skin. Pulling back suddenly, he yanked his tshirt off over his head. If he'd looked good before, he was devastating now. Where he'd been lean before, he was filled out and well defined now.

Without missing a beat he pulled me up to sitting, taking my shirt off and then reaching around to unclasp my bra. He slowed down then, laying me back, taking one of my nipples into his mouth. It reminded me of before, the hunger but also the reverence...his patience. His hair was a soft tangle between my fingertips, tickling my stomach as he moved lower. He was so many things, such a study in opposites: sturdy and soft, dangerous and affectionate.

He didn't ask about protection this time, and I didn't offer. I want to feel all of him in all of me, the way we'd done before he left - without the frenzy of imminent separation. I came on his fingers seconds before he slid inside. He exhaled heavily, kissing my ear.

"You don't even know," he said, so quietly I wasn't sure it was even for me to hear.

I looked up at him, waiting until he opened his eyes, and when he did, what I saw tore me apart and melted me back together. He looked at me like he loved me, which was impossible.

Edward fell asleep beside me, inside me. I could have woken him up, pushed him away, but instead I held on to him, knowing our time together was limited. I smoothed his hair from his face, feeling my heart expand, torturing myself with this closeness.

Eventually I moved away, extricating myself. I cleaned up in the tiny bathroom, unable to look at myself in the mirror for fear I'd start crying or something stupid. The logical part of me said to just leave a note and go. My heart begged me to stay, and, because I never was the rational type, I did.

I climbed back into bed, reaching over Edward to turn off the light. That's when I noticed what I hadn't before: a tiny letter 'B' in script between the thumb and forefinger of his left hand.

* * *

_**Josef Salvat - Hustler (SaneBeats Remix) (*thx to whomever recommended this song to me! loved it, found this remix, love it even more!)**_

_**Meg Myers - Desire (*thx for the rec, NewTwilightFan. song is so sexy. so creepy. and so right for this story)**_

* * *

_**thanks for reading, guys. love you.**_

_**xoxoxo**_


	14. pushover

**Word Prompt: Pushover**

**not beta'd, rated M**

**Twilight and all recognizable characters belong to SM.**

* * *

Something like warmth unfurled from my heart, spreading through me. I turned the lamp off and sat back in the dark, gazing at the faint blue glowing around the edges of the curtains. The rain had abated for now, but on the road, traffic drove continually over the wet asphalt.

He'd branded himself with me. There was nothing casual, temporary, about that. Edward had meant it when he'd said he'd come for me - and this wasn't just about sex. Maybe I could've convinced myself of that in the cabin, when we were snowed in, but here, now? No. He'd have saved himself a lot of trouble, and danger, finding that elsewhere. Guilt prickled through me, because I hadn't been faithful this past year. I hadn't taken Edward at his word.

But why would I? What we'd had, as special as it had been, as _strange_, had been little more than a one night stand. And when a guy you barely know tells you he'll find you - especially in circumstances like the ones we'd been in then - it's hard to believe. I remembered being heartsick at the time, not delusional: Edward would have been lucky to survive. It was impractical, albeit terribly romantic, to think he'd risk everything to come for me later.

He had, though. He'd come, and now here we were.

I looked at the outline of his body, craving him though he was right next to me. It was hard to tell how long this would last - this visit, this trip, this relationship - but I wanted to make the most of it. Yawning, I slid down beneath the covers and got as close to him as I could without waking him up.

* * *

"Favorite food?" I pushed his hair from his face - any excuse to touch him.

"Ribs. Bacon. Pumpkin pie." He closed his eyes, smiling. "Pecan pie. Mashed potatoes..."

"Sounds like Thanksgiving," I teased.

His eyes popped open. "You cook?"

"Nope."

Edward shrugged. "You'll learn. I can teach you."

"Oh, _you_ can cook?" I asked, arching an eyebrow.

"Yeah. My mama taught us before she left."

"You told me once..." I swallowed, not wanting to ruin the mood, but needing to know. "That she was dead."

"Might as well be. She wasn't around."

I could understand his pain to a degree; Renee had left the state after the divorce and I watched Charlie deteriorate from it. But he'd healed eventually, and so had I. Life was too short to be eaten up by bitterness and sadness. I watched Edward, pressing my thumb to the wrinkle between his eyes.

"I'm sorry," I said quietly.

He caught my hand, holding it. "It's fine."

I nodded, letting him slide his leg between mine under the covers. "Favorite color?"

"Pink," he said, eyes full of mischief.

"What?" I scrunched my nose.

"Like that little pink sweater you wore that time."

"Can't believe you even remember that," I said, rolling my eyes to hide my embarrassment at the memory. Yeah, I'd been trying to seduce him I guess.

"I remember everything, girl. Something to keep in mind."

"I remember everything, too. So you can't lie to me."

"I have no reason to lie to you," he said. I raised both eyebrows this time, and he chuckled. "Okay, I don't have reason to lie _anymore_. It's different now." His hand came in contact with my hip, and he ran it over the curve, pulling me closer. "And I'll know if you ever lie to me, so...don't."

"I won't," I promised. It was crazy, really, talking like this and making promises when we probably had no future. And yet... "Favorite color. For real this time."

"I don't have a favorite. They all have a place, don't they."

"Very sage."

"What's your favorite, then?"

"Green," I said. "Like your eyes."

"Like my eyes or because of my eyes?"

I grinned. "Favorite memory?"

"Got a few. My Grandma's house when we were little. Used to spend summers there sometimes. She liked to cook, too."

"My grandparents died before I got a chance to know them," I said.

"That's too bad. Family's important."

"Do you miss your father? Your brothers?"

"Not really. I see them all the time."

"What?" I asked, surprised. "But I thought..."

"What, that they'd sold me out? Nah. We always knew how it would go down, what to do if things went to shit. Just so happens I was the one there when the feds dropped in."

"So...are they...waiting for you? Now?"

"Something like that."

"They know about me?" I ran my thumb over his tattoo, and he smirked, letting me.

"No, they think the 'B' is for bacon," he teased.

I rolled my eyes, but I was laughing, too. "Favorite place?"

"Between your legs."

Gasping in mock shock, I grabbed his dick, making _him_ gasp for real. "You better behave."

"Listen to you," he said, on top of me with a quickness. He thrust into my hand, already hard, staring at me like he wanted to eat me alive...thrust until he worked his way out of my hand and into me. I grabbed his hips, pulling him deeper inside.

He moved faster now, despite the tiredness that had come from drinking half the night and waking up before we were really rested.

It was just before noon, still overcast out, the room dim. I didn't know what was happening outside, or at home, or anywhere, and I didn't care. I purposely had not made plans with anyone, knowing, I think, that there might be a chance I could see Edward. He deserved this - I deserved this.

He shifted, hitting a good spot, and I moaned quietly, watching him.

"Damn," he breathed, closing his eyes and shaking his head. "Damn."

"What?" I reached up, linking my hands around his neck so I could bring him closer, kissing his face.

He shook his head again. "I think I love you, girl."

My heart clenched. "That's your dick talking."

He laughed, making my heart squeeze again, this time because he was so cute. "No, that's all me."

"But how?" I whispered, holding him tightly. "You barely know me..."

"How can you say that?" he asked, pausing. He kissed my neck.

My mouth opened, and I wanted to speak, but I didn't know what to say. Did I love him, too? I thought I did, but how was that possible? How? Was love a time table? A set of rules? Mutual exchange of information? I'd never, ever met a man so open, so okay with laying himself bare like this. And I wanted to believe him. So badly, I wanted to believe. I wanted to love him too, and be in love, and have this.

"Does this feel like we barely know each other?" He resumed his pace, relentless, like he could work my doubts away.

"No," I cried. "I -"

He pulled out, breathing heavily, and urged me on to my stomach, pulling my hips up. "I've never met a girl this determined to..." He entered me from behind.

_Damn, but that feels good. _"To what?"

"To avoid love."

"I'm not," I argued, turning my face to the side. "I'm not trying to avoid anything. I've...I've always had feelings."

He stopped, harsh breaths cutting off his groan, his fingers digging into my hips. "God, you look good like this." I could only imagine what I looked like, ass up, face down. Of course he liked it.

I liked it, too, though. "You feel good like this."

"Yeah?" He collapsed to my side, bringing me with him. "Hey."

I gazed at him, biting my lip as I climbed onto his lap. Besides that one time at the cabin, where we'd been half dressed anyway, I generally felt self conscious being on top. The way Edward looked at me, though, made it hard to say no to anything he wanted. I wondered if he'd used his looks a lot in life, to get his way. Probably. Knowing his feelings helped me not to feel like such a pushover, though.

I rode him slowly. I had to admit, it felt even better. He ran his hands over my breasts and down my stomach, touching everything he could reach.

"I made the first move," I said. "Remember?"

Edward might have been below me, but he pinned me with his gaze right then. "I remember."

"I'm afraid to love you and then lose you," I said, swallowing.

"You're not going to lose me."

"That's what you say, but -"

"Didn't I come back this time?"

"Yes, but -"

"Why'd you stop?" He thrust up, smacking his palm on my thigh.

"Because it's hard to concentrate on loving you when I'm talking about loving you," I said, smiling, leaning over so that we were inches apart. "And I do love you, okay? I never really had a choice."

He wrapped his hands in my hair and kissed me long, slow and sweet. "Good."

* * *

I had to go out and get food. I didn't like Edward leaving, even if he had been playing dangerous games by coming to my house before. Calling in an order to one of my favorite Chinese restaurants downtown, I left as the rain started up again. It was hard not to feel paranoid, though I knew that was probably dumb.

No one knew where I was, nor had my friends any reason to think I'd be with Edward. It was implausible, and so it was safe - for now. That's what I told myself.

Alice did text once, asking if I wanted to help her plan Rosalie's upcoming birthday. I told her I'd love to, and that was it. No more messages by the time I'd returned to the motel room. Edward had showered and shaved, and was watching TV when I came through the door.

"So, how'd you survive all this time?" I asked, as we tucked into lunch. "I mean...who's been feeding you?"

He cocked his head, giving me a look. "What's that supposed to mean?" There was a teasing lilt in his voice, but I suspected he thought I was fishing.

"I mean, who helped you out? You've been living off the grid, Edward."

"I have a lot of...associates. People my Dad knows...people I know. I just went where I knew it was safe 'til I met up with my family."

"Like..." I averted my eyes, focusing on my soup. "Drug dealers?"

"Mhm."

I nodded, taking a bite.

"It bothers you, doesn't it?" he asked, after a while.

"Yes."

Sighing, he unwrapped a spring roll. "It's what I do, Bella."

"It's what you _did_," I shot back. "Doesn't have to be what you _do_. I...This is why I can't - I mean, you're on the run, you know? Who knows how long that'll last. But then...you just...you'll keep digging this hole deeper and deeper because you're gonna continue this -" I gestured - "line of work. And I can't be a part of that. Doesn't matter if I love you. I can't."

He was silent for a long time. We finished our meal, and he stood to throw away the trash. I went to the bathroom to wash my hands, emotionally drained from the constant highs and lows. I'd meant what I said, and knew it was the morally correct choice. So why did it hurt like this?

Back in the bedroom, Edward had poured us each a drink. I took mine, clicking the mug to his, waiting to see what he'd say. But he said nothing, just shot back the tequila and slammed his cup down on the nightstand.

I imitated him, trying not to gag. "Okay," I said. "Say something."

"What do you want me to say?"

"No, no. None of that sullen shit. You tried this at the cabin," I said, mouthy with liquid courage.

He cracked a grin at that. "Just thinking about what you said."

"What about it?"

"Trying to figure it out." He put a finger up before I could say something else. "This is how I make money, girl. A lot of it. So if I'm not cooking and selling, what am I doing? What do you want?"

"I want you. Just you."

"You got me. Now let me figure out the rest."

* * *

_**No Ordinary Love - The Civil Wars' rendition**_

_**I Need My Girl - the National**_

* * *

_**what? i was feeling lemony.**_

_**thanks for reading! love, love hearing from you and appreciate every review and comment. *high fives* *hugs***_

_**also, this girl is excited because she just wrote the end in her mind. don't worry - a few chapters to go, i can't rush it. but, yay :)**_


	15. torment

**Word Prompt: Torment**

**Dialogue Flex: "Clever ideas come from the strangest places."**

**Using the provided snippet of dialogue, explore what comes to mind, be it a scene, a thought, or something else.**

**not beta'd, rated M. Twilight &amp; all recognizable characters belong to SM.**

* * *

Would there ever be a time I could be with Edward in the light? Outside? I watched as he flipped mindlessly through TV channels, munching pretzels from the bag between us.

He kept his eyes on the screen, but a lazy smile spread over his face. "What?"

"What?"

"You're staring."

"I'm allowed."

"You are allowed," he agreed, glancing at me.

Studying his features a moment more, I looked away. "I just...I don't know. I'm going to have to leave tonight -"

"Tomorrow. In the morning, early."

I nodded, feeling deflated anyway. Our time together had gone by way too quickly, as I'd known it would. It was hard to keep the helplessness from setting in, knowing that at this time tomorrow I'd be alone again.

"Hey." He tossed the remote control aside and grabbed my hand. "We'll figure it out."

"How?"

"Have faith."

I did have faith. I was completely running on gut feelings, going with my heart and hoping feverishly that I wasn't screwing myself by doing so. If this was happening to one of my friends, I'd be telling them to run far, far away from Edward and his past, and his questionable future. But it wasn't: it was happening to me. And every time I was with Edward I felt myself fall for him more.

"Have you ever loved anyone?" I asked.

"There was one girl. Katie."

When he clammed up, I gestured for him to continue. "What happened?"

"Nothing. After a couple of years I left town and she found someone else. Old story." Squinting at me, he tapped my knee. "Why?"

"I'm just trying to get a feel for you, Edward. I want to know you, for real. I want to..." I took a deep breath. _Out with it, Bella._ "I want to know what I'm waiting for when you're gone and all I have is what you've told me. You came back when I didn't think you would, and you say the best things, but..."

"I've been real with you." He squeezed my hand. "You trust me, right?"

"Yeah."

"Were you in love with that cop?"

That was fair enough, but I really didn't like discussing Jacob. "I don't know. I thought I was, but...it didn't last. We'd been friends a long time, so when things got physical it felt right. But it wasn't. We didn't last more than a few months. And it hasn't been the same since. We're friends, but it's weird."

"Because he knows what he's missing," Edward said, laughing somewhat derisively.

"I don't care about that. I care about this - you and me. Just don't hurt me, okay?"

"I won't."

"What is it about me, anyway, Edward?"

"I could ask you the same thing, girl. You could be with anybody. Why are you here?"

Silence stretched between us. I frowned, looking at the window. "I've tried, with other people. But it's not like this."

"You think it's not the same for me?" he asked quietly. "You're real. And brave. And I can trust you; I know you're down."

"Down for you, yeah, just not with that life."

"I get it, I get it." He winked, chewing on a toothpick he'd gotten from one of our fast food bags. "Not as slow as I look."

I cracked a smile at that. Yeah, he was far from stupid. That was what concerned me sometimes.

"We all make choices." He sat up straighter, looking down at the bedspread. "And we have to live with what we choose. I can't change my past, but I don't really want to. It is what it is."

I nodded, understanding that. Getting wrapped up in regret was a sure way to stagnate, and I'd had enough of that in my twenties. "But now?"

"Things are different now."

"How?""

Tossing the toothpick into the trash, he turned fully toward me, sitting cross legged like a little kid. "You believe in fate?"

Now there was a question I never expected to hear from Edward. "I don't know. Maybe."

"I used to think it was bullshit. Didn't like the the thought of something else deciding my life. But then things start happening. And it's impossible not to see the bigger picture. The timing..." He shook his head. "Sounds crazy."

"It doesn't. Go on."

"The timing of...everything. About a month before I went down, this kid I knew from high school - he'd been in some shit - anyway, he died. Deal gone wrong. And that happens all the time. Gets to the point where it sucks, but it's life. You barely blink. This time, though, it got to me. Because I knew him, knew his girl. Knew their kid. I think about this." His eyes met mine. "It didn't change what I was doing, but...it changed how I saw things. I don't know why."

"Were you guys close?"

"Naw. Hadn't seen him in a couple years. But you hear things." He was quiet for a moment. "The night I got arrested, my little brother - James - got away. He's all about the life; he and my dad are just alike. But for me... it was a living, not a life." He laughed humorlessly, shaking his head. "I ain't gonna lie to you - I _like_ the lifestyle, but I'm just tired. It was almost a relief to not have to look over my shoulder. I was in county for a month before they transferred me. Well, they tried. That accident...which shouldn't have happened...happened - and I had a choice: stay and wait or run."

"So you ran."

"Ran right to you."

I nodded, remembering vividly that night in the snow. Edward stared at his hands, no doubt also remembering. It was surreal hearing about it from his side.

"Anyone else would've turned me in. Or let me die." He exhaled roughly. "Maybe you would've let me die if you'd known."

"No," I said, tipping his chin up so he was forced to look at me. "I would not have."

"You wanted to know why you? That, right there, is why."

I stared at him, allowing this to sink in. We had this bond, this thing that transcended sense and logic. Before, I'd always judged people based on their deeds. Weren't we a sum of the things we did? But maybe it was more than that. Maybe our capacity for love, for change - our potential for redemption - maybe those things mattered more than I'd known.

"They say experience is the best teacher." Edward stood, linking his hands behind his head. "But that's not true. It's _other_ people's experiences - those are the best teachers. And my dad lost my mother because he chose that life over her."

Tears filled my eyes.

"I might not be good enough for you -"

"You are," I whispered, wiping my face with the back of my hand.

" - but if you want me, then I choose you."

* * *

Five a.m.

I hit the road with a lingering kiss, digging my nails into the palms off my hands to keep from crying. I'd have time for that later. Edward didn't need that image in his head.

We'd barely slept, despite the fact we both had extremely long days ahead. I had three classes and a shift at the bar; Edward had to go back to his hideout. He wouldn't tell me exactly where it was.

_"__That's shitty, Edward."_

_"__It's protection. You can't tell if you don't know. You can't get yourself in trouble if you don't know."_

It was somewhere way upstate, I knew that much. Northeast, and near the Canadian border.

That had to be enough for now. He had my number, and I had his, filed under "Tony." As in Montana; his idea, and he thought it was hilarious.

_"__Will you give me time, Bella?"_

_"__How much time?"_

_"__As much time as it takes to straighten shit out. I started getting in deep again...but I can get out."_

_"__Do I have a choice?"_

_"__You always have a choice, girl."_

_"__Okay."_

_"__Okay?"_

_"__Yeah."_

Something haunting and romantic spilled out from the radio, reminding me of Edward, and I turned it off, unable to torment myself anymore. I had a feeling I'd be seeing his face everywhere I went, hearing his voice in everything I did. This was it, I supposed. The waiting game. Unlike before, when I'd been convinced he was nothing but a memory, now he was my hope. My future. Real.

The rain had stop during the night, and now the sun was starting to peek over the horizon. Paying little attention to the route, I drove home on autopilot, preoccupied with thoughts of the weekend. I wondered how long it would take Edward to get back to his family.

I loved my home, but it felt so empty today. Letting myself in through the garage, I locked the door behind me, running my hand along the wall as I walked by. A coffee mug left by the sink went into the dishwasher, as did a fork and a plate. The scene of a single. I'd never minded much before.

Today, I minded it a lot.

He'd said have faith. I did: faith was believing in what one could not see and God knew I couldn't see how this was going to work out. But God also knew that clever ideas came from the strangest places, and if anyone could wrangle reality into something he wanted it was Edward.

He'd made this girl a believer.

After shuffling around the house, distracting myself with laundry and straightening up, I headed upstairs. I couldn't go to sleep now, because I'd never wake up in time. Instead, I peeled my dirty clothes off and got into the shower, letting out the tears I'd kept locked inside since leaving Edward's side.

Sometime during my third class I realized I didn't want to be there. I blinked, realizing I'd been gazing in Ben's general direction, catching myself just in time to see him see me. He smiled a little, private grin I'd once thought was adorable. Now it was just...Ben. I gave him a small, perfunctory wave and stood, glad I'd had the insight to sit in the back.

Outside, I shrugged into my jacket and touched my scarf, making sure it was concealing the marks Edward had left - as if we were in high school.

I sent him a text.

_miss you already_

He responded within seconds.

_miss you too. _

Finding my car, I left the parking lot and headed downtown.

And by the time I got to work, a couple of hours later, I had a tiny E tattooed beside my bird.

* * *

_**Be My Baby - Snow Hill's rendition (reccd to me by r0cknroam) **_

_**(coincidentally, this is the song B switches off in the car b/c it hurts)**_

* * *

_**thanks for reading, loves! thank you thank you thank you.**_


	16. taunt

_**Word Prompt: Taunt**_

_**Dialogue Flex: "His pride was wounded, but he'll get over it."**_

_**Using the provided snippet of dialogue, explore what comes to mind, be it a scene, a thought, or something else.**_

_**not beta'd, rated M. Twilight, and any recognizable characters, belongs to SM.**_

* * *

Having Edward in my life without actually having him around sucked, but not as badly as I'd feared. I'd imagined endless, drawn out days of longing and wistfulness and a lingering sense of arousal made worse by thoughts of our weekend together. Those feelings did exist, but they were manageable. It helped that he texted me, all the time.

I texted him, all the time, too. We had conversations that went on for days…it was like having him right beside me. Only not as satisfying.

Every couple of days the number he contacted me from changed, so I'd given up saving any of them, but it was a small price to pay for ongoing communication. Unlike my cherished smartphone, he went through burners like I went through underwear - a typicality of his lifestyle.

Sometimes he was sad.

_it's so grey today. be my sunshine._

Sometimes he was frisky.

_send me another picture. less clothes. remember when you let me fuck you in the shower?_

Sometimes he was romantic.

_marry me. i don't need anyone else. let's disappear. _

I hadn't responded yet to that last one. I knew him well enough to know he didn't just say things, and what he proposed scared me. I'd been afraid he'd say something like that - after all, wasn't that what people in his situation did? People in _our _situation? Run away? Elope to Mexico? Or in our case, Canada, seeing how purposely close it was to his family's base. Edward was a lot of things, but he wasn't impulsive. As risky as his life was, as spontaneous as his words and actions felt - he thought through things meticulously.

We didn't discuss his life much these days. For one thing, our messages had to be hard to decipher. Beyond the love talk, there was nothing suggesting where or who he was or what he did. I erased our messages every few days; he switched phones and numbers. We covered our tracks - tried to, anyway.

Maybe it was for nothing, but it was better being safe than sorry.

_hey _he wrote, when I didn't respond.

I sighed, fingers dancing over the phone without actually pressing anything. Then, because I couldn't do what he'd proposed but I could show him that I was in this for the long haul, I snapped a picture of the tattoo on my belly and sent it. He hadn't seen it yet; I'd wanted to show him when next we met but this worked, too.

A minute passed, and then the phone rang. I jumped, not expecting it. "Hello?"

"Is that real?"

My heart pounded, joyful. I hadn't heard his voice in three weeks. "Yeah."

He was quiet for a second. "I need to see it."

"You just did..."

"Up close."

I bit my lip. "You will."

We were quiet. I could hear cars on his end, like he was standing near a busy highway or something. Calling me like this was dangerous, but I was glad he had. "I miss you...so much."

"Miss you too," he said, sighing. "Messes with my head."

"Mine too." I flopped back in bed, still dressed from my long day of class and work. "I didn't think I'd get to hear from you so soon."

"I had to hear your voice."

"Me too. Thanks for calling."

"Don't thank me. I'm selfish as fuck, girl."

"I don't know; I'd say you're pretty giving in certain situations..." I teased, thinking about the way he was in bed.

"You're trying to rile me up and I got things to do," he chided playfully. "Gotta go. Be good."

"You too."

We disconnected, and I knew the next time he contacted me, it would be from a new number.

* * *

"Can't say no on my birthday, Bells."

Jake was back in town after another trip for work. It had been awhile since we'd hung out, mainly because we were both so busy, but really...that was an excuse. For me, anyway. Conflicted didn't even _begin_ to describe how I felt about seeing him now that Edward was back in my life.

For one thing, they hated each other, and with good reason. Edward because Jacob was a cop, and because of his feelings for me. Jake because Edward was literally the one that got away, the criminal he hadn't been able to apprehend.

And then there were my personal issues; there was always a possibility Jake would bring up our past, or his feelings, after a few beers.

But he was right. It was his birthday, and we hadn't hung out in weeks. When I thought about it, we spent less and less time together as the months and years went by. Dating had been the beginning of the end for us.

"All right." I tried to put a smile into my voice. "Where do you want to go?"

"I was thinking you could come over, maybe. I'm having a couple of friends over..."

Relieved I wouldn't be the only guest, I agreed. "That would be great. Let me know if I can bring anything, besides your birthday present."

"Your presence is all I need."

"I'm hoping that awful pun was unintentional."

"You wound me."

On Tuesday, after class, I stopped to grab a birthday card and a six pack of Jake's favorite beer before heading to his apartment. As he'd said, several of his friends were already there. I knew a couple of them - mostly guys from the force. There had been a time when they'd kind of been my friends too, back when we'd dated, but now they were just familiar faces.

It seemed as though Jacob was seeing one of the girls in the group, a tall, curvy girl with shiny black hair named Leah. She was a stunner, and I while I was a little surprised by their subtle touches and glances, ultimately I was relieved.

_Thank God._ Maybe now he'd focus his attention elsewhere.

Around ten, after drinks and cake, my phone vibrated. Not wanting to check in the event that it was a text was from Edward, I slipped into the hallway.

_what are you doing in one month?_

My heart leapt. _I don't know. Why?_

I paced, waiting for him to answer. One of the doors in the hallway was slightly ajar, and I glanced absently into it as I passed. And then I paused, backtracked. Something had caught my eye. Making sure no one was coming, I peeked inside the room again. It looked like Jacob's office, but that wasn't what had my attention.

On the wall, across from the desk, was a...a...I didn't even know what to call it. Research? A collage? A shrine?

Photos and articles, maps, sticky notes and print outs...all pertaining to the whereabouts of Edward Masen. The extent of its thoroughness was intimidating. I knew he'd continued the investigation but this was crazy. Was the entire force this devoted, or just Jacob? I wondered, suddenly, if any of his trips over the past year had anything to do with Edward. He'd let me think they were for current cases with fresh leads, but now...

My phone vibrated again, and I ducked back out of the room, heart pounding.

_i need to see you._

_I need to see you too._

* * *

Alice had finally settled into her mother-to-be-hood. Which was good, because the Alice I knew and loved was generally chipper and optimistic, and if she was perpetually bummed out there was no hope for the rest of us.

I headed to her place on Friday, arms loaded with things she'd asked me to pick up for the baby's room as well as some things I'd thought of on my own. She and Jasper were having a little girl, but Alice was unexpectedly anti-pink. She'd chosen a "forest" theme for the room - "Fairies, toadstools. Unicorns. You know. No real animals!" Half of the time I had no idea what she was talking about, but she was a designer and decorator so...I just went with the flow.

"Hey, Bella," she said, welcoming me with a hug. Her stomach grew more apparent every day - now she was holding her jeans shut with a rubber band around the button.

"Why don't you just buy maternity jeans?" I asked, following her to the kitchen.

"Because." She scoffed. "This is a right of passage. I'll buy the jeans when I'm too blimpy to fit into anything else."

See - I had no idea what she was talking about. "Oh, okay."

Grinning, she rolled her eyes. "You think I'm crazy."

"I know you are."

"That's why I love you. Because you accept me." She waggled her eyebrows, then reached into a cabinet. "And because you won't tell Rose."

"Tell Rose what?"

Alice brandished a bag of Doritos. "She says processed foods and GMOs are bad for the baby -"

"They probably are-"

"But I've wanted these for weeks and if she feeds me another kale chip I'm gonna puke."

Snorting, I reached into the bag. "I actually like her kale chips."

"Yeah, well, I do too, but sometimes you need junk." She closed her eyes, moaning. "So good."

I brushed my hands off and grabbed the Target bags I'd brought. "Where do you want these? In the nursery?"

"Yeah, that's fine. Thanks, babe."

The house was immaculate. I chuckled, shaking my head as I made my way to what would be Baby Whitlock's room. Alice had gone from moping around to hyper-mode, constantly cleaning and rearranging things. She said it was nesting, but I thought that happened later in the pregnancy.

Back in the kitchen, Alice had dragged a chair to the counter and looked like she was about to get on top of it.

"Are you nuts?" I cried. "Come _on_, Alice."

"There's a jar of Nutella up there."

"Please tell me you don't plan on dipping Doritos in it."

"Ew, gross. No. I have fruit."

"Okay." I climbed on to the chair and reached into the cabinet, easily locating the oversized vat of Nutella. "Good God, Alice. Could this be any bigger?"

She was silent as I climbed down, a funny look on her face.

"What?" I glanced around.

"You got another tattoo?" she asked, scrunching up her nose.

"What?"

Her eyes flew down to my shirt. She hooked a finger beneath it and yanked it up. "E?"

_Shit. _I never could lie to this girl. Rose liked living in denial, but Alice? She'd always felt things strongly, sensed things, noticed things. I couldn't believe she'd seen that damn tattoo. I'd been so careful, generally.

Averting my eyes, I put the Nutella down. "It's nothing."

"You mean no one."

Our eyes met. She gave me her best bitch face. "Is it real?"

My heart clenched, because hadn't Edward asked that very thing? "Yeah," I said, tucking my hair behind my ears.

"Bella," she said gently, coming closer. "Is it some_one_?"

I blew a long breath out, ruffling my bangs.

"Did you meet someone? Please tell me..." Her eyes shone. She was a hopeless romantic, and usually I was just hopeless, hence her excitement now.

And then I just didn't want to keep it to myself anymore. I couldn't. I'd carried this secret for so long, in so many ways, and I just didn't want to anymore. It was too heavy. I sagged against the counter.

"Edward."

She nodded encouragingly, reaching into a drawer and retrieving two spoons. "Yeah? Where'd you meet? Why didn't you tell me? I mean, a tattoo is pretty serious."

I shrugged, dragging the chair back to the table "You were dealing with a lot...already...and I just...it's kind of a weird situation."

"Weird?" she frowned. "Bella, you tattooed homeboy's _initial_ on your _stomach_. How long has this been going on?"

How did I answer that? "He...came back into my life about a month ago, but I've known him for a little over a year."

We sat down at the kitchen table. "And?"

"Alice, you have to promise me you won't tell anyone. Okay? This is...a weird situation."

"You keep saying that," she said, smirking. "Is he an escort or something?"

"Or something," I said, scrubbing my hands over my face. "I'm serious, though. You...can't say anything. To anyone. Not Rose..."

"This is worse than GMOs, isn't it."

"Yes." I took a deep breath. "And you can't tell Jake."

"Maybe he'd give up the dream if he knew -"

"No, Alice. You can't tell him especially. He...it's...Edward is the guy. From the cabin."

Alice's eyes bugged out of her head. Literally, like a cartoon character's. "You're shitting me."

I shook my head. "No."

"Holy..." She dug her spoon into the Nutella and smeared in onto a strawberry. "I...wow. Wow! I knew there was more than you were letting on."

"What? When?"

"Back then! I just...you were all, I don't know. This, though, is crazy. Legit crazy. He's wanted. He's on the run, right?"

"Yes, but -"

"You can't _actually _be with him, Bella. Where is he? Is he here?" She looked at the window, as if Edward was out there, spying.

"No," I said, giving her a bitch face of my own. "He is not. And this is why you absolutely cannot tell anyone."

"Wow," breathed Alice. "I...okay. I can see why you'd want to keep this from Jake."

"Yeah, it really bothers him. He still talks about Edward and the manhunt."

"I don't know; isn't this the only case he can't solve or whatever? Just give him time. His pride was wounded, but he'll get over it."

"No, I think it goes deeper than that. He's kind of obsessed...like this whole thing taunts him. I was at his house Tuesday night - for his birthday?"

"Yeah?"

"And his office is so devoted to Edward it's creepy."

"What, like Criminal Minds creepy?"

"Yes. Exactly. The whole wall - covered in stuff."

"Oh boy." Alice slathered Nutella on a banana. "Jake's always been intense, but that sounds a little unhealthy."

It was nice having someone validate my feelings on Jake. I was too close to the situation to see things objectively, but if Alice agreed, then I knew I wasn't losing it. I needed to figure out a way to make Jacob spill on what he knew - if any advances had been made. He'd shared details with me before, maybe he'd do it again.

"For now, though," said Alice, pushing the chips my way, "I want to hear everything. How did this happen? Did you...you know...at the cabin?"

I opened my mouth to speak, but she just laughed, pointing her spoon at me. "Oh my God, you did. Bella Marie!"

* * *

_**yeah, bella needed a girlfriend to confide in, poor thing.**_

_**trying to finish this by or on Halloween, which means more frequent updates. thanks so much for reading! i love hearing from you guys.**_

_**xoxoxoxo**_

_**p.s i'm now obsessed with homeland. we're currently gorging on season 3 (on demand). so good. so good! ack!**_


	17. visit

_**For some reason I didn't get a prompt today, but I needed to get this chapter out. **_

_**not beta'd, rated M. Twilight and all characters belong to SM.**_

* * *

A few days later, Jacob brought Leah to the bar.

He was the last person I wished to see, but at least he was on a date. In his mind he was probably doing me a favor, patronizing my place of work. Or maybe he was watching me.

Or maybe...I was being unfair. Maybe he just wanted to say hello. Sometimes I felt like I was going nuts, my mind a jumble of thoughts: Edward, Jacob, his office... I kept seeing that wall, those pictures. I'd known Jake was invested in the case, but I hadn't realized how much. It was a game changer for me, making me feel nearly paralyzed with fear; if he was keeping tabs like that on every bit of information, then it was only a matter of time before he succeeded in his task. Edward was cunning, but Jake was determined.

I didn't want to express this to Edward via text, and definitely not over the phone, so we had a meet up planned for the following week.

That excited me, even if it was going to be brief. I needed to see him, needed a hit.

_Just a few more days..._

The thought brightened my spirit. Meanwhile, Jacob was doing a fantastic job of being the world's best boyfriend, mooning over his equally smitten girl. I'd find it sweet if I didn't know Jake; I couldn't help but wonder if this was partly an act to make me jealous. Which was crazy, but...then again, everything was changing. _I _was changing, and Lord knew Jake wasn't who I thought he was.

I treated them well, though, making sure to top of their drinks promptly and serve them the bar food they'd ordered, even making small talk in the downtime.

After a couple of hours Jacob got up, presumably to use the bathroom. I turned to Leah, figuring I'd chat with her in the meantime, but she was absorbed in her phone. Moments later Jake returned and settled his bill.

"We're gonna head out, Bells," he said, tapping the bar.

"Okay. Thanks for coming by," I said, giving Leah a polite smile.

She gave me a perfunctory little smile and picked up her purse. "See you later."

At the end of my shift, I paused before leaving, sending Edward my usual nightly text. He didn't like when I worked late, and had asked me to text him when I left the bar and then again when I got home. It had surprised me at first - the last guy to be so protective over me had been Jake - but I found it sweet. He was obviously too far away to do anything at this point, but the fact that it eased his mind meant something to me.

He responded right away, and I hit the road, looking forward to a hot shower and bed. I was exhausted.

When I got home, though, Jacob's car was parked outside.

Surprised and annoyed, I pulled into the garage. It had been a long day, and the last thing I needed was some bullshit from Jacob. Yawning, I messaged Edward, letting him know I was home safe, then got out out, wondering what was going on. Jake had gotten out of his car by the time I made it to the sidewalk. I forced down the irritation, trying to see Jake as an old friend and not the pain in the ass he'd become.

"Hey. Everything okay?" I asked.

"Yeah, it's fine."

I frowned. "It's really late, Jake. I have class tomorrow."

"I know; I'm sorry. Can I come in real quick?"

Blowing a breath out, I gestured for him to follow me inside.

"I won't stay long," he promised as I closed the door. "But I wanted to tell you I'll be going on a...very private mission tomorrow. Just for a couple of days."

I stared blankly at him.

"I thought you'd want to know because it sort of involves you."

"Me?"

"It's about the guy who messed with you at the cabin," he added.

"You mean from last year?" I asked, feigning confusion. I didn't bother telling him Edward hadn't "messed" with me at the cabin; he was determined to believe that he had.

"Right."

"Oh. I didn't realize that was still going on...you haven't mentioned it much..."

"I try to keep you updated," he argued. "Pretty often, in fact."

"Well it's been awhile I guess." I shrugged, shoving my hands into my pockets.

He peered at me expectantly. "We have intel that he and his brother might be in Oregon."

I didn't think that was true, but then again maybe it was. My heart sank. What did he know? "How'd you find that out?" I asked.

Smiling smugly, he leaned against the door. "We have ways."

I nodded, mentally willing him to leave so I could think, maybe contact Edward.

"Did he ever say anything to you about a possible contact in Oregon? Portland, maybe?"

"No."

"What about his brother? Anything at all?"

I yawned, not bothering to hide it. "No, I don't think so."

"You sure?"

"Jake, it was ages ago...but no. He didn't." Folding my arms, I took a step away. "But right now it's late and I need to go to bed."

"All right." He nodded, placing his hand on the doorknob. "I just thought you should know."

"Why?"

"Why?" He laughed. "Because I'm doing this for you, Bells."

"For me?" Now I laughed, incredulous. He was doing this for himself. "Jake, I'm fine. I've moved on."

"I know you say that, but...I hate knowing he's out there."

"It was never really about me," I said. "He just...showed up that night. And I happened to be there. It's not like he targeted me or actually did anything."

Jacob cocked his head. "Why do you always defend him?"

"I don't!"

"You do, Bella. Look, I get that you're soft hearted, but he's a piece of shit. He needs to go down."

"I know he does," I muttered, sweeping my arm out. "I just wish you'd stop bringing it up. I'm trying to put all that behind me."

"And I'm trying to finish what I started."

Ignoring the twist in my stomach, I nodded. "Okay. Well, good luck."

"Sure, sure. Night, Bells."

"Night."

He turned to go.

"You know, you could've just told me all this at the bar," I blurted.

Glancing over his shoulder, he shook his head. "Didn't want to say it in front of Leah."

* * *

Alice had enlisted my help in planning Rose's surprise birthday party, and I was looking forward to it. I needed a breather from work and school; it was hard enough to focus on anything but Edward and the situation in Jake's office. Just thinking about what I'd seen made me sick with worry.

Alice came over on Sunday afternoon with her notebook and two coffees - decaf for her. True to her word, she hadn't mentioned anything to anyone, not even Jasper. She didn't even bring it up to me again, respecting my desire for privacy and discretion. I hoped I'd made the right choice in confiding my secret to her. It seemed I had.

It helped that she was so focused on the party. Emmett was taking Rose out to dinner on her birthday, some classy place in downtown Seattle, so we'd have plenty of time to decorate and do all of the things Alice had dreamed up for the party.

"I can only imagine what your children's birthday parties are going to be like," I said, after she'd explained the balloon drop. _Soft pinks and greys, Bella. Classy, like Rose. Actually the balloons should be rose pink. Like Rose._

"I know! I can't wait."

Our "meeting" went well into the night, ending only when Jasper called, wondering if she planned on sleeping over.

"Smart ass," she mumbled, getting off the phone. Her smile told another story, though.

"Drive safely," I said, kissing her cheek. "It's late."

"I'll be fine. Bye!"

I'd just locked the doors and turned off the living room light when my phone lit up with a text.

_whatcha doin?_

_my friend Alice just left. we were hanging out. you?_

_same. with my bro._

I nodded to myself, bending to turn the dishwasher on.

_cant wait til next wk _he wrote.

_me too. wish it wasn't so short tho._

_soon. i have a plan._

Seeing those words lit me up inside, and I smiled. _good to hear._

Then another text came through, not from Edward. I frowned at the familiar number, recognizing it as Jake's.

_You home, Bella?_

I glanced at the clock - it was nearly twelve. What was up with these late night deals? Making a face, I wrote _yes, about to go to bed._

My phone rang. I stared, tempted to ignore it. But what if it was important? Sighing, I answered before it went to voicemail.

"Jacob?"

"Bells. Hey."

He was drunk, I could tell. This was happening more and more as time went on, and I hoped it wasn't becoming a problem for him. We'd watched his dad succumb to a drinking problem, and the pain associated with that was emotionally draining.

"Hi. Everything okay?" I asked carefully.

"Yeah. Just needed to hear your voice, Bells."

"It's late. And I doubt Leah would appreciate you calling me -"

"Fuck Leah."

"And that's my cue to go. Good night, Jake."

"Wait, wait. Shit. I'm sorry..."

I waited, wondering if his call had a point. Finally, he exhaled loudly and cleared his throat. "You'd never lie to me, right?"

"Right."

"You know you can trust me."

There was a time that would have been a definitive yes, but lately I wasn't always so sure. "Yep."

When he fell silent again, I lost my patience. "What's this about, Jacob?"

"I need to discuss something we found. I'll come by tomorrow."

"What? Ja-" But he'd hung up. I stared down at the screen, noticing that two more texts had come in from Edward's latest number.

_we'll make it work. _

_you should be here, with me._

Jake's behavior was freaking me out. I needed to see Edward sooner than we'd planned.

_how about tmrw night? i have things i need to tell you._

Moments later, Edward texted me an address.

* * *

_**Edward will be back tomorrow/next chapter.**_


	18. primitive

_**Word Prompt: Primitive**_

_**Plot Generator—Phrase Catch: Nothing but the truth.**_

_**Repeat the phrase to yourself five times, open a blank word document and begin.**_

_**not beta'd, rated M; Twilight &amp; characters belong to SM.**_

* * *

It was, thankfully, an address upstate, nowhere near Oregon.

I blew out a breath, relieved he'd listened - if he'd been near Portland at all. I'd find out more tomorrow, but for now, I was just glad he was safe.

I texted back, letting him know I'd be there.

Jake showed up around eleven the next morning, yawning over two cups of coffee he'd brought. He'd seen better days. Scruff looked good on some guys, but it made him look unkempt.

"Rough night?" I asked, letting him in.

He eyed me as he passed. Not a good sign.

Biting my lip, I locked the door and followed him to the kitchen. We sat at the counter.

"Are you hungry?" I asked quietly. "Do you need anything?"

"I'm fine," he said, just as quietly.

I forced myself to remain calm, not wanting my fear or irritation to show. Jacob had always been a little much, but now it was becoming unbearable. How could I tell him I wanted to be left alone - indefinitely - without backlash? I felt trapped.

Eventually he set his cup down and turned to face me. I'd seen this look before. He was in cop mode: studying me, making mental notes. Looking. Examining.

On a mission.

"We went to Portland," he began. "Myself and two others. We had good information that Masen and his brother were at a motel on the edge of town, conducting business."

I nodded, taking a sip of coffee.

"We'd even secured a witness."

My heart thumped.

"We knew what room they were in. It was definite. But by noon there was still no sign of them." He sat back a bit, watching me.

I frowned. "Okay?"

"I got the go-ahead to enter, so we went inside the room. It was empty."

Oh man, my heart was racing now.

Jacob smiled, but it wasn't a smile at all. "They'd been there for sure, though. They'd left things behind, like they'd been in a hurry. Trash...a t-shirt. A pad of paper. Nothing written on it, obviously, but we could see the impressions on the paper beneath." He chuckled.

I strained to keep my expression neutral, but underneath I was falling apart.

"It was almost like...they knew we were coming," he said.

I took another sip of coffee, seeing in my mind's eye the text I'd sent minutes after Jacob had left that night.

"Bella, except for the very few individuals assigned to this case, nobody knew we were going to Portland. Nobody." He cocked his head. "Except for you."

Sliding off of my stool, I stood straight, meeting Jacob's gaze with my own. "What are you saying, Jake? Because this is some crazy shit."

"I'm saying someone tipped them off - "

"Maybe they saw you -"

"They didn't fucking see anything - we got there before dawn and stayed down until the minute we went inside! They had another day at least -"

"Well, what do you want from _me_?!"

"Nothing but the truth, Bella. Tell me the truth."

"I have been telling you the truth! This has nothing to do with me!" I screamed. "I have nothing to do with _it_! You've been obsessing ever since it happened and you need to stop! I don't know anything about those people, and I never will, so leave me alone!"

"Bell-"

"I mean it, Jacob! I will call your superiors and report you for harassment. Swear to God I will." I gulped down a breath, trying desperately to calm down. "I mean it. Do your investigation, but leave me out of it. You're picking at a wound, here. It's like you don't want me to heal." It was low, playing the guilt card, but I had to do it.

The anger faded from his face. He looked down, nodding slowly. "Okay."

"I think you should go."

Draining his coffee, he slammed the cup down and got up. I followed him to the door, eager to get him the hell out of my house, but he stopped abruptly and turned around.

"Do you know what I remember from that day at the cabin?"

Taken aback, I shook my head.

"I remember how calm you were." He looked away, toward the street. "I remember two of everything by the sink: two plates, two forks, two knives." His eyes came back to me. "Two coffee cups, two spoons."

Swallowing, I folded my arms. "So I fed him. So what. I didn't know who he was. What he was."

"And your bed, Bells." He closed his eyes, as if the memory hurt him. "Sheets on the ground."

"What?" I whispered, caught between mortification and fear. I'd underestimated Jacob. I'd forgotten that the reason he was where he was, professionally, was because he was _this_ good. He didn't miss a thing. He saw things, connected the dots, drew conclusions.

And he'd always had hunches, had always been able to sniff out the liars, the cheats. The bad guys. It would be easy to accuse him of being paranoid and inappropriate, but the problem was he was usually right.

"I _love_ you. I have always loved you." He touched my face, dragging his fingertips over my cheek. "I will always love you."

I took a step back, forcing him to drop his hand.

His face hardened, and he opened the door. "I'll leave you alone, so long as you understand that I'm doing this for your safety."

"Fine," I whispered.

And then he was gone.

* * *

I didn't know what to do.

Edward and I had were supposed to meet at six o'clock, but now I was scared to leave. What if Jake was watching? Apparently he was that crazy.

My phone vibrated, but it was just Rose, sending a picture of her crocuses. It was spring now, so she was out in her garden all of the time. I responded, then backtracked to the rest of my text messages and opened Edward's thread. I hadn't deleted in a few days, so our conversation was there, plain as day. Normally it was all very vague, but I'd had to be clear that night.

_lv Ptlnd ASAP_

I deleted that, and all of the other messages, before writing him a new one.

_Complication_

His reply was immediate. _whats wrong?_

_lots of eyes. ears?_

But then I grew angry. This was my life. Mine. I was tired of just letting everything happen. Hadn't I realized this, last year? After meeting Edward that first time? It had jarred me from my passivity, forcing me to look at myself. And I'd changed. I'd done something different. I'd taken life by the proverbial horns. I'd punched it in the face.

Now it was time to do that again. I grabbed my phone and wrote one more message.

_don't worry. see you at 6, ok?_

_you sure?_

_yes._

Forget waiting for Jake to come and stalk me, or whatever he was up to. Instead, I got in to my car and drove by the station. His car was parked there, so he was probably there, too. Hoping I was correct, I drove to the mall and grabbed another phone - a cheap, crappy one like I'd seen Edward use. I set up a new number and texted him right away.

_hey. it's me. let's meet at 4 instead. hotel ruby, spokane. _

_B?_

_yeah. had to get another phone, just in case._

The phone rang. I ducked out of the store to answer. "Hello?"

"Just making sure."

"Yeah. It's me."

"Okay. I'll...see you then."

Putting both phones in my purse, I headed out, stopping only to get myself a dress I'd seen on my way in. It was springtime, and this was sweet, and I thought maybe Edward would like it.

* * *

"It's got a full tank," Alice said, handing me the keys to her Audi.

"Thanks, Al." I kissed her cheek. "I know this is crazy."

"Hey." She held her hands up. "I get it. I mean, you know. If I was in this situation I'd totally do the same thing."

I snorted, thinking about Jasper and how normal their relationship was. "Thanks for the support."

"Anytime." She handed me a bag of Doritos. "For the trip."

Grinning, I shoved it into my overnight bag. "Thanks."

Jasper waved from the living room, where he was watching the game. He thought my car was screwed up, and that Alice was letting me use hers to run errands and visit with friends. I doubted he cared, really. I was his wife's best friend - we'd been through thick and thin for years together. For all he knew, this was just another shenanigan.

Minutes later I pulled out of their garage and headed out of town, eventually merging on to I-90. A little over four hours after that, I entered the Spokane area. Edward and I had touched bases a couple of times using my new phone, but now I called him.

"Hey."

"Hey. You close?"

My heart leapt at the sound of his voice. "Yes. Probably another fifteen, twenty minutes? I think. Are you there?"

"Naw. Almost. Got James with me."

"Oh," I said, disappointed.

"He's just dropping me off," he added, and I could almost hear his smile.

Despite our less than ideal circumstances, I felt a shiver of excitement. We finally had another moment together, and I wanted to enjoy it. We'd been communicating by text and the occasional phone call for so long, and I missed him more than I'd ever thought I would. The benefit, I supposed, was that we'd grown closer without the distraction of physical contact.

But I'd had enough of that.

Edward texted me as I pulled into the parking lot, letting me know what room he was in. I looked around as I got out, making sure I hadn't been followed...and then laughed at myself. For one thing, this wasn't an episode of Homeland. And for another, honestly, I wasn't sure I'd even know if I _was_ being followed.

Slipping inside the hotel, I took the elevator to the second floor. I was about to knock on the door to Edward's room when it opened and a tall, rangy blond stepped out, smirking.

"Well. If it isn't my brother's illustrious savior," he drawled.

"Yeah, hi."

He was cute, but nowhere near as handsome as Edward, who came up from behind and pushed him into the hall. "James, Bella. Bella, James. Now go on."

He'd barely taken off before Edward pulled me inside the room and locked the door behind us.

"I missed you, girl," he said, kissing me.

"I missed you," I murmured against his mouth, holding his face in my hands. "So much."

I felt it now, really felt it. Felt the loss when he wasn't with me and the nearly crushing relief now that he was. God, when had it gotten this heavy?

I tried to pull back, so I could look at him, but he moved to my neck.

"Don't leave marks," I warned, but I was so breathless it sounded more like I was begging him to. "It's too warm out to wear scarves."

"Yeah, I love this," he said, finally taking a step back. His eye traveled the length of me, taking in the dress I'd worn.

"Thanks." I smiled, grabbing his hand.

He pulled me to the bed and we sat down. "Thanks for the other night, Bella. You really did me a solid, warning me like that."

I nodded, gazing at our clasped hands. If there had been any point, during this whole time, where I'd definitely crossed a line - it would've been that. Texting Edward had compromised an official operation, and yet I'd do it again and again if that's what it took to keep him free.

"Hey." He tipped my chin up. "I mean it."

"I know." I nodded, shrugging. "I just hope...I don't know. I don't know what I hope. I can't see an end, here."

"There's always a way out. Always."

"You said you had a plan?"

"Yeah, I do."

"Does that include you getting out of the life?"

"I said I would, Bella."

"Okay." I squeezed his hands and let go. "Because there's more. The whole...Jacob thing."

Edward's face darkened.

"He, um...it's like he knows something was going on at the cabin. He suspects. And he seems to think I can lead him to you. Worse, he thinks there's a possibility I tipped you off the other night."

"How could he possibly know that? He fuck with your phone?"

"No, I don't think so - but that's why I got the new one. Just in case. I just don't know with him anymore. He's...acting strange. Unhinged, almost."

"You need to stay away from him."

"I know. I told him that today, when he came by and unloaded all of this on me."

"I'll kill him. If he touches you, I'll kill him."

"I hope that's not part of your plan," I teased, trying to lighten the moment.

Edward eased back on to the pillows, pulling me on to his lap. "It's not, but I'll do what it takes."

He was hard beneath me. I adjusted, pulling my dress down a bit, but he smoothed his hands up my thighs and under my dress. I curved over him, kissing him, and he responded, running his tongue through my mouth and his hands over my ass.

Suddenly he flipped me on to my back, fitting himself between my thighs. Rubbing against me, his kisses grew aggressive until finally he reached down and pulled my panties off.

"My shoes," I breathed, reaching for the strappy heels I had on.

"Leave them on." I felt his mouth on me then, hot and wet and urging.

Unlike our first time together, I came rather quickly. He wiped his mouth on my inner thigh, sat up, and pulled his t-shirt off. "Love how you taste, girl."

"Let me see how you taste," I said, overtaken by an almost primitive urge to own him the way he'd just owned me. He tugged on my dress, so I pulled it off, followed by my shoes. They were sexy, yeah, but a little ridiculous in bed.

I pushed Edward so he was lying flat, and got his sneakers, jeans and boxers off. Smiling, he put his hands behind his head and watched me work.

I wrapped my lips around him and began to suck, gratified when the cocky smirk on his face disappeared, replaced by vulnerability and pleasure. I worked him over for a long time, stopping to use my hands when my jaw cramped up. Breathing shallowly, he alternated between clenching his eyes shut and staring at me: my mouth, my hands, my breasts. I'd just licked my way up his shaft and had resumed sucking when he froze, digging his hands into my hair.

"Don't stop," he groaned. "Bel-Bella!"

I brought him through it, swallowing quickly before popping off. There was a Coke on the bedside table, and I reached for it, taking a long drink.

"Shit, girl, I'm definitely keeping you now."

"You should."

"I will."

* * *

_**More tomorrow - on a roll, here! Thank you SO MUCH for taking this nutty (no pun intended) ride with me! love you guys, love love hearing from you.**_

_**oh, and **_

_**For stories of mine that do NOT have any drug use, read:**_

_**Volition, With or Without You, The Bitter/the Sweet, Own, the Maybe Valentine, Watch Me, and several other witfits I'm forgetting.**_

_**xoxo**_


	19. wreckage

**Word Prompt: Wreckage**

**A single word meant to inspire immediate thought. Write what your imagination dictates.**

**not beta'd, rated M, Twilight/recognizable characters belong to SM.**

* * *

Edward smoothed his hand over my belly, rubbing his thumb over the tattoo. His eyes met mine. My heart squeezed, tightly. The tattoo had been spontaneous, something I never used to be. The thought behind it, though...there was nothing about that I regretted.

I ran my fingers through his hair, remembering the first time I saw him. His hair had been shorter then, a little darker. It had been hard to see his beauty then, when all I'd been able to think about was saving his life.

"When you were little, what did you want to be?" I asked.

"Like my dad. I wanted to _be_ my dad." He sighed, resting his head on my stomach. "And then I became him, and now...I want to be something else."

We were silent. His hair tickled me. "What did you want to be?" he asked.

"Everything. It changed all the time. A firefighter. A lifeguard. At one point I wanted an ice cream truck." Edward chuffed, kissing my stomach. "A teacher. That one stuck with me, obviously."

"You'd be a good teacher."

"I might not get to be one if I disappear with you."

"You could...homeschool. Our kids."

Scoffing, I pushed his face until he was looking at me.

He grinned, then straight out laughed until I flicked his ear.

"Ow," he said, still chuckling.

"You're messing with me."

"Maybe, maybe not."

"Yeah. Well. I don't think so."

"What, homeschooling or kids?" He smirked.

"Either. Both."

"Hm." He settled back down, laying his cheek on my belly.

That was a little too much for me to think about, so I sank my fingers back into his hair. "Favorite movie?"

"Lord of the Flies."

I lifted my head from the pillow. "Really?"

"Mhm."

"That was a good movie. I haven't seen it in years. You know, the book was incredible, too. It -"

"I've read the book."

This surprised me. I didn't know why. Lord of the Flies was common fare for elementary curricula; at least it had been when I was young. Perhaps there were certain stereotypes I was still projecting on to Edward, even subtly. That made me feel crappy.

"What about it appeals to you so much?"

"Civilization versus savagery. Do I follow the rules or do I make them up as I go? What's natural? Beneficial, better?" He shrugged.

I chewed on that for a moment, considering how this related to the guy I'd fallen in love with. How it related to me.

He squeezed my hip.

"If you could go anywhere, anywhere at all, where would you go?" I asked.

"I really don't know," he said. "Where would you go?"

"Italy."

He glanced up. "Where in Italy?"

"Cinque Terre. It's by the sea and so pretty. A friend of mine went in college. She sent me a postcard; I still have it up, on my fridge. I'd go there."

"I'll have to look it up."

"We'll go there one day."

"We will." He smiled, lifting off of me.

"What's your plan, Edward?" I whispered.

He kissed my tattoo, tracing his tongue along the lines and angles of the letter.

"Hey," I laughed, tickled. "Come on."

He crawled up, hovering over me. "You won't like it."

My smile faded. "Why? What is it?"

"We might have to be apart for awhile."

"Another year?" I asked, throat closing at the thought of it.

"No. Hell no." He closed his eyes, shaking his head. "No. But a little while. This...thing with Jake Black - it worries me, Bella. I know his type. He's like a dog with a bone, and he's not letting go. I can't let you get caught up in this."

"I'm already caught."

"I know." He gazed down at me, his worry apparent. "And I have a bad feeling...and I think I need to just...get him away from you and the only way I can do that is by getting away from you for awhile."

"You're leaving," I said, feeling something close up inside of me.

"For a little while," he repeated.

Part of me knew he was right. He had to create distance between us, make Jake think he'd been wrong, or that Edward had changed his mind. But another part of me, the selfish, irrational, in-love part rejected this. It was a part of me I'd never met before, probably because I'd never felt quite like this before. I'd loved, but this? Had me caught between its teeth.

Maybe some distance was good. Maybe I'd gain a little perspective.

"Bella." He eased down on to me, resting lightly. "Talk to me."

"What do you want me to say?" I touched his cheek. "You're right. It's...better if you go."

"For awhile."

"You keep saying that," I whispered.

"Because it's true. I _will _come back for you, but we need to let the dust settle. He almost caught me, Bella. And now he's on to you. It's dangerous here and if we keep up with this, things are going to escalate. I can't do that. I can't let you do it."

And he was totally right. I knew he was. If we continued on this route we'd crash, and then what would we have? Nothing. I could imagine myself sorting through the wreckage of my ruined life, trying in vain to pick up the pieces from a jail cell - Edward's and maybe even mine. If we even survived.

"Look at me, girl."

I did.

"I will find you."

I felt myself crumple. I tried to push him away, but he wouldn't budge. "I mean it. I told you before and I did it, didn't I? I found you."

"Yeah." I nodded, wiping my face.

"You're it for me."

Maybe I was, but... "You should go, then."

"Not like this," he said. "Not with you looking at me like that."

I stared at him. "Like what?"

"Like this is it." His eyes bore into mine, not letting me go. "It's not."

Edward had once promised me he'd find me, and he'd kept his word. Now he was asking me to do it again. The only difference was before I'd had nothing to lose. Sure, I'd had feelings - but I'd known in my very marrow that I'd never see him again.

I'd been wrong, though. And it had led to this, and now...now I did have something to lose. This time around, the thought of never seeing him again was nearly paralyzing.

"You trust me?"

I nodded.

"Yeah? Because you feel like you're about to run away."

Realizing how rigid I'd become, I relaxed, wrapping my arms and legs around him, pulling him down. He kissed my ear, my neck.

"I do trust you."

"You want me to get out of the game, and I will. This is the last job. I promise."

His words tugged at my heart. "Don't promise; just do what you have to do. Do what's right."

"I'm trying," he said, reaching down between us. He touched me where I was still wet from before. I opened up, letting him, pushing my hips up to meet his. "This is what I think about," he said, lining himself up. "When I'm gone. I think about you, and how you feel...inside..." He pushed into me, kissing me, silencing his words, my sounds.

* * *

"We can't stay long," I said, eyes shut, on the verge of sleep.

"I know." Edward kissed my forehead. "I set my alarm for five."

"Okay."

We drifted, lulled by the soft faraway of downtown Spokane. _This is our life_, I thought. _Motels, hotels, little rooms and messy beds..._

_I hope it won't always be._

* * *

**_thanks for reading, loves! might take tomorrow off, as there will be no prompt anyway. thanks, as always, for sharing your thoughts..._**

**_xoxoxo_**

**_p.s. that was for you, Alicia and Melanie. You know what._**


	20. gimmick

**Word Prompt: Gimmick**

**Dialogue Flex: "Have you ever had one of those days?"**

**not beta'd, rated M, Twilight and all recognizable characters belong to SM.**

* * *

When I awoke, Edward was sitting at the foot of the bed, speaking quietly on the phone. I could tell by the way he hunched over, how he kept running his hand through his hair, that he was tired. Yawning, I squinted at the little digital clock beside the bed.

4:30. A good a time as any to get up.

Untangling myself from the sheets, I slipped out of bed and made my way to the bathroom. My eyes met Edward's as I closed the door. He half-smiled, rolling his eyes at whomever was on the phone. I blew him a kiss and got into the shower, hoping it would wake me up enough for the drive home.

I'd hoped Edward would join me in the shower, but when I got out, he was still on the phone, speaking a normal volume now. Drying off, I wrapped my towel around my hair and stepped back into the room, shivering in the a/c.

"I'm going, J. Call when you're outside," Edward said, disconnecting. Resting his elbows on his knees, he watched me cross the room naked before clearing his throat.

"You teasing me?"

"Never." I tossed a look over my shoulder, not surprised when he tackled me on to the bed. I wrapped my legs around him - the grey sweatpants were back - and he gave me a long, lazy kiss.

"We got time for a quickie?" he asked, early morning husky.

"Depends on how quick," I said, already melting back into the sheets.

Twenty minutes and another shower later, we got dressed for real.

"No more dresses?" he teased, watching me throw on jeans and a tank top.

"I only brought the one," I said, throwing my towel at him. "Why, you got a thing for dresses?"

"Got a thing for you," he said, tossing my towel aside. "Dresses just make it easier."

I shook my head, laughing. "Romantic."

"Don't give me that, girl. You like it just as much as I do."

Blushing, I zipped my bag and sat on the bed. "Never said I didn't."

"When we get out of here you can wear dresses all the time."

"Unless it's winter."

"Unless." He smirked, standing.

"So who was on the phone earlier? James?"

"Yeah."

"Everything okay?"

"Just ironing out the details. He doesn't always think things through, always wants to rush things. Gonna get him in trouble one day."

"You saying you're the more practical of the two?"

"Something like that."

I grinned. "That's funny."

"You're funny," he shot back, pulling me up so he could wrap me in his arms. "Hey. Promise me you'll be careful."

Closing my eyes, I slipped my arms around his middle and held on just as tightly. "Shouldn't I be telling you that?"

"Promise me."

"I promise."

"Leave that pig alone."

_Easy_, I thought. "I will."

"And just...wait on me. After this, we'll have what we need and we can be together."

"Sounds like a dream," I sighed, tiptoeing so I could kiss his scruffy chin. "You promise me you'll be careful too."

"I'll do my best."

"Sure you can give me any details? Even something small?"

"Nope." Leaning back, he gazed down at me. "You know I can't. You can't know anything. It's better that way."

Nodding, I rested my head on his chest.

"I know that sounds shady, but-"

"I know, I know. You don't want me to implicate myself."

"Yeah. Stay innocent, Bella. Please."

"Little late for that..."

"Bullshit." He stepped back, holding me at arm's length. "You haven't done anything wrong but love me."

"There's nothing wrong about that," I laughed, twisting out of his grip just so I could shove him. I didn't know where the playfulness was coming from; I guess Edward brought it out of me.

But he just grinned like the rascal he was. "Exactly."

* * *

Saying goodbye this time had been even harder.

I hadn't been able to keep the tears at bay, though I'd tried, and even James looked like he felt sorry for me. For us.

Edward remained stoic, leaning into the car window right before I left. "Only thing that could keep me away is death, you know that right?"

"Don't _even_ say that," I said, anguished at the thought. "Don't even put it out there, Edward."

"Hey." He grasped my chin, pulling me so I'd look at him. "All of this? It's nothing in the grand scheme of things. There's no way our meeting like that was a fluke. This is real. It's ours."

His conviction was powerful. I found myself absorbing his strength, sorry I'd allowed him to carry the weight of it all himself. He'd always been positive, confident about us, and all I'd done was live in fear. I said I had faith - it was time to start acting like it.

"I believe you," I said.

"Don't forget."

I fiddled with my phone, barely able to see the navigation app through my tears. "I won't."

"I'll come, I'll find you."

"All right."

"I mean it. Even when the situation says otherwise, even if..." He shook his head. "Even when it gets hard. Don't let go of this."

I nodded.

"I trust you." I said, nodding. "I love you, okay? Be careful, and...I'll see you soon."

"Yeah. You will." He leaned in, kissing me soundly. "Love you."

Driving away physically hurt. I watched him briefly in the rearview, getting into another car with James. And then he was gone, and I was gone, putting miles between us.

At first I was scared, stomach in knots, imagining Jacob everywhere I looked. The further I got from Spokane, though, the more I relaxed. My trip was blessedly uneventful and, thanks to springtime in Washington, undeniably beautiful. The sun rose with a blush, brightening the sky, and I was grateful to witness it. I hoped Edward was looking at it, too. He was rough around the edges, but he was a romantic. He noticed the little things, the pretty things.

It was just past noon when I got back to Alice's. Using the remote, I pulled into the garage and parked, glad I'd accomplished what I'd set out to do. I could only hope there wouldn't be any complications from here on out.

"The star crossed lover," she cooed when I walked through the door. "Want some hot chocolate? I could add it to your coffee?"

"That would be great, actually."

She nodded, bustling around the kitchen. "How'd it go?"

"Good." I leaned against the counter beside her. "He's gonna disappear awhile. Let the dust settle."

Alice blew out a breath. "That's rough...but it's good. You need some down time from this insanity."

"I know." I rubbed my face. "It _is_ crazy. I never thought I'd be in this situation..." I made a face at the ridiculousness of what I'd just said, laughing. "You know what I mean."

"I do, actually." She stirred a long spoon into an oversized coffee cup. "Marshmallows?"

"No thanks." I wrapped my hands around the mug. "This is good."

"So, um. Don't be mad."

"Oh jeez, Al, what?" I set the cup down again, bracing myself. Images of an emotional Alice with pregnancy brain, spilling the beans to someone, flickered through my mind.

"No, no - nothing bad. Just...Jasper wanted to help out so he start messing with your car -"

"What?!"

"I didn't know he was gonna! I took a nap and when I got up he was all Tim the Tool Man Taylor out there - you know how he gets, all uber-helpful and it's even worse now that I'm pregnant, well, that's usually not a bad thing-"

"Alice."

"Yeah, so anyway, he said nothing was wrong with your car, which, obviously, is true, and you know he has a sixth sense for these things -"

"Kind of like you."

"Exactly!" She seemed relieved. "Exactly like me, so I kind of had to tell him a little piece of the truth."

"What did you tell him?" I asked, trying to stay calm. In reality, I knew I could trust Jasper no matter what - that was the good thing. The bad was that the more people knew the secret, the less it was a secret.

"I just told him you had some stuff to do and Jacob was getting on your nerves so you switched cars out."

"Oh, like that's so normal!" I giggled, slightly hysterically. "What did he say?"

She arched an eyebrow. "You know he thinks Jake's the world's biggest douchebag." This was true. They'd never really gotten along, especially when I'd dated Jacob. "He got really protective, actually, wanted to know if you were in trouble. I told him you were totally fine, and that this was more of a personal thing." She smiled. "He knows there's more to it but he left it alone."

I gave her a dubious stare, fiddling with the handle of my mug.

"He trusts me, Bella. He was actually kind of hurt we didn't just tell him to begin with."

"I know, and I'm sorry," I said, feeling like a selfish jerk. "I didn't mean to make things difficult with Jasper."

"It's okay. This isn't exactly a typical situation. Let's just..." She shook her head. "Get through it. Just know if you need any help at all Jasper is down. Okay?"

I doubted Jasper would be "down" if he knew what that entailed, but I appreciated the sentiment. "Hopefully it'll never come to that."

"No kidding." She shuffled out of the kitchen. "Come on. We put the crib together last night and I want you to see!"

I followed her, feeling lighter than I had in a while. My life was crazy, my ex was crazier and my current was MIA, but I still had Alice.

And Jasper, apparently.

* * *

Maybe it was the calm before the storm. I wasn't sure, but my life had become completely non-eventful. Days turned into weeks, and then, months. I took my classes, went to work. Alice, Emmett and I threw a successful surprise party for Rose. I had Margarita Mondays with Rose when I wasn't working and sometimes, if I was feeling naughty, even when I was. We all helped decorate Baby Whitlock's nursery, humoring Alice's fantastical whims. Next on the agenda was Alice's baby shower.

School. The bar. Social engagements. It was the way my life had been before Edward had reinserted himself back into it.

That peacefulness had once been welcome, but now it put a knot in my stomach because I had no idea where he was or what he was doing, if he'd completed his "one last job" or if he'd been caught trying. I hadn't heard from him at all, hadn't heard anything on the news or online, and while I'd expected this silence, it hurt a little more each day.

I hadn't heard from or seen Jacob, though, either. Sometimes I felt the loss of the friendship we'd once had, but mostly I was relieved he was leaving me alone. He'd gotten overwhelming in the end, and I couldn't even look at him without feeling like I was being dishonest. I'd never been that kind of person, and it weighed on me now.

On the morning of Alice's baby shower, I was multitasking: frosting cupcakes while trying to make her ginormous gift bag look presentable. Wondering if colored tissue paper was really necessary or just a gimmick to make shitty gift wrappers like me feel better, I was a second away from stuffing it the whole damn package when my doorbell rang.

I hated when people dropped in without calling, and there were really only a couple of people who made a practice of it. So I wasn't surprised when I peered through my front window and saw Jacob standing on the other side.

Sighing, I opened the door.

"Hi, Jake."

"Bella." He nodded politely, hands behind his back. "I didn't mean to intrude, but you changed your phone number and I wasn't sure how to reach you."

That was true. I'd gotten a new line in an effort to distance myself and Edward was the only one with the number to my burner phone. Call me paranoid, but it had felt like a good idea at the time. "Yeah, I did. What's up?"

He smiled. "Have you ever had one of those days where everything just comes together? When it's like the points of light all connect and the thing you've been waiting for...happens?"

None of this was making me feel too confident. I shrugged, then nodded. "I mean, yeah. That's always...good."

"Good's an understatement." He took a deep breath, still smiling. "But listen, first I wanted to apologize for my behavior before. I know now it was uncalled for."

"Okay." I nodded again, but I was studying him, too. I didn't trust him. I couldn't - especially knowing he didn't trust me, either. There was always an angle with Jake. "Is that why you're here?"

"Wow. Can't I stop by and say hi to an old friend?" he asked, finally dropping the mask. Ah, there it was: irritation.

I shifted uncomfortably. "How's Leah?"

He straightened. "We're not seeing each other anymore. It's been a busy time for me, and it wasn't working out. Which actually brings me to why I'm here. I've recently received news of Edward Masen."

My heart plummeted, but as always, I remained impassive. "Oh? Big break in the case?"

"You could say that." Any hint of a smile disappeared, and he stepped a bit closer, hands in his pockets. "There was a deal down in Mexico, near the border. Deal gone wrong."

Words I'd hoped never to hear.

Still, though. _Mexico?_

My feet were glued to the ground but inside it was as if I'd been thrown underwater, tossed upside down by the most violent of waves.

"I'm flying out tonight to verify, but..." He sighed. "Bells, it looks like he's dead."

* * *

_**still with me?**_

_**update tomorrow; promise. thank you for reading! love you guys.**_

_**xoxoxoxoxo**_


	21. candlestick

**Word Prompt: Candlestick**

**Plot Generator—Idea Completion: A fork in the road.**

**An idea or concept is presented. Follow where it leads you.**

**not beta'd, rated M, Twilight &amp; all recognizable characters belong to SM.**

* * *

"That's...unfortunate for him, I guess." My stomach roiled, and I swallowed compulsively, worried I might puke all over his leather shoes. "But that's the kind of thing he did, right? So..."

Jacob nodded, his steady gaze reminding me of a snake's.

I shook my head. "Why are you telling me this, Jacob?"

"Thought you'd appreciate the closure," he said, frowning.

"Closure for you, you mean," I said, cursing the tremor in my voice. It was taking every ounce of discipline I had not to implode...or explode. "I asked you to stop coming around."

His eyes softened. "I know you did. And...I would have. But this is a big deal, and I thought you deserved to know."

"Okay. Well, I have to go - Alice is expecting me." He nodded rather hesitantly and I shut the door in his face, breathing deeply and steadily until the nausea passed. After a moment I heard his footsteps leaving, followed by the roar of his Mustang.

Despair clawed at me, and turned, sinking to the floor. This couldn't be true. Jacob wouldn't mess with me like that, would he? He wouldn't lie - not that brazenly. And not about something that serious. But I didn't know.

I didn't know anything anymore.

The fact was, I hadn't heard from Edward in nine weeks. _Nine. _He could be anywhere right now. He could be in Canada, somewhere in the states, or... Mexico indeed. He could be dead. Squeezing my eyes shut, I drew my knees up and rested my forehead on them. How the hell was I going to make it through Alice's baby shower today? My heart was pounding so hard, my stomach hurt. The anxiety was...epic.

He'd said have faith. Have faith.

I had faith in him, but if this was part of his plan it was a mighty ambitious stunt to pull. Anger flared through me - at Edward for leaving me so in the dark, despite his wanting to protect me. Did he not know this was killing me? The not knowing was bad enough - but hearing that he was _dead? _

But I was pissed at Jake, too, for his callousness in telling me. Even if things weren't the way they were, he'd had no business sharing that information with me. Especially after I'd asked him to stop contacting me. Shaking, I stood and grabbed my phone from the coffee table on my way to the kitchen.

Opening my laptop, I quickly googled the Seattle PD's Narcotics Pro-Active Squad, the investigative team Jacob worked for. I remembered, a couple of years prior, when he'd been promoted, how proud and excited he'd been. He'd gone from street patrol to this special task force team, specializing in the unit's Clan-Lab Team. This was the team that, along with the FBI, had launched the sting operation resulting in the takedown of several major meth labs in Washington State. Edward Masen's arrest was one of many, and the main reason Jake had clearance to help search for him once he'd escaped.

I'd had enough of Jake's crap, though. He'd always been patronizing and heavy handed, but he'd crossed the line. Instead of being a friend, he'd used his status as an officer to interrogate and harass me. And as an officer, he'd used his status as an old friend to gain access to me, to attempt to guilt me into saying things he had no proof of me knowing.

I found the number I was looking for, and then...I took a chance.

"Hello, Quil Ateara," a gravelly voice answered.

"Hi, Officer Ateara. My name is Bella Swan. One of your officers has been harassing me, and I'd like to make a report."

* * *

Thanks to Xanax I had leftover from my last plane trip, I'd mellowed out by the time I got to Alice's shower. I did my best to maintain, not wanting to seem loopy or slow, but it didn't matter in the end. Rose and Alice were both in high gear, rushing about like they were on speed.

The very thought made me snort inwardly. And then it made me want to cry, at which point I excused myself to the bathroom until the urge passed.

I splashed cold water on my face and stepped out in to the hallway.

"Just tie it around the candlestick...the other one...Emmett!" Rose was saying, balancing the tray of cupcakes I'd brought in one hand as she gestured with the other.

"Go do it yourself," I said, grabbing the cupcakes and giving her a bump with my hip. "He has no idea what you're talking about."

"Obviously," she snipped, rushing over to where her husband was attempting to secure a vibrant bunch of balloons. "I don't want it too symmetrical, Em...it looks better when..."

Her voice faded as I dropped the cupcakes off and wandered into the living room, where Alice was sitting with her grandmother and several old ladies, regaling them with quirky tales of her pregnancy.

"You okay, Bell?" Alice's mother asked, not missing a beat as I sat beside her. I'd grown up with Tia Brandon; she probably knew me better than my own mother.

"A little under the weather. I'm fine." I forced a smile, accepting a mimosa from Jasper as he passed by. Hopefully it wouldn't knock me on my ass once it mixed with the Xanax.

"You seem sad." She lowered her voice, speaking out of the corner of her mouth.

"Not sad." I rested my head on her shoulder. "Just tired."

Between the news of Edward's death...or whatever...and then reporting Jacob, sad was just one of the many negative emotions assaulting me.

Officer Ateara had been polite on the phone earlier, but he'd informed me that police misconduct was not to be taken lightly and that if I wanted to file a formal complaint, then there was specific protocol. He did, however, remember me from the cabin. And he knew Jacob personally...so he promised he'd have a word with him. I couldn't tell if he was placating me or if he took me seriously, but it didn't matter. The point was calling out Jake.

Because if he ever set foot on my property again, or tried to intimidate or bother me, I'd definitely make an official complaint.

* * *

Curled up on bed that night, I let myself cry.

The Xanax had long worn off, and I was just tired now. Tired from the baby shower - which had been hellish in light of Jacob's news - and exhausted as a result of the stress itself.

I prayed Edward would contact me soon, something - anything. I had to know if he was okay, because this was not a direction I'd seen things taking and it was throwing me for the worst loop of my life.

Unable to sleep, I dragged my laptop on to the bed and googled Edward. His FBI poster still looked the same, with no mention of death or capture.

I'd never felt so lonely. There was no one I could talk to about this.

Hadn't I known, getting into it with Edward? Hadn't I known it wouldn't be easy, that there would be trials and complications unlike any other? What had I been thinking?

I guess I hadn't been thinking, or I'd been thinking with my heart. Because no one treated me the way Edward did, looked at me the way he did, loved me like he did. The bond we'd formed at the cabin had taken on a life of its own and there was no turning back.

I had to see this through now, had to see if Edward was as invincible as he'd made himself out to be. Either way, my life had come to a fork in the road and things would never be the same. I had serious decisions to make.

Regardless of how things turned out, one thing was making itself clear to me: I'd be leaving Seattle - for good, this time.

If Edward was alive, we'd make our life elsewhere.

And if he was dead, I couldn't bear to stay.

* * *

In the morning, before getting out of bed, I checked my computer.

The FBI poster had been updated.

_DECEASED._

My heart jolted. I stared at it, eyes running over the bright red words over and over, unable to accept it. Jacob had gotten his verification, I supposed.

I put my laptop away and got back under the covers. There would no class today.

No work.

No nothing.

A day passed.

Another.

I dragged myself out of bed to eat and use the bathroom. To shower and open the windows. To field phone calls from the girls, assuring them I was fine besides a touch of the flu.

My mother called. I let it go to voicemail.

Jake must have made it back to Seattle, but he'd finally gotten the hint and was making himself scarce. Either that, or Officer Ateara had made good on his word and had spoken to him.

I stared at my phone, making sure it was charged, willing it to ring, beep, anything. But it didn't.

On the fourth day I got dressed and went to my favorite farmer's market to pick up a bottle of wine, french bread and fixings for a salad. Being outdoors felt good, the breeze cleansing. I browsed every aisle, looking at everything. I realized it was better than being home, waiting in a self made prison.

I reached for a sprig of basil right as someone else did. "Oh, sorry," I said, glancing up. Leah, the beautiful girl Jake had briefly dated, stared back at me, looking as uncomfortable as I felt. "I mean. Hi. Leah."

"Hi, Bella." She took a step back. "How've you been?"

"Been better," I said, grabbing some basil and motioning for her to do the same.

"Yeah?" She cocked her head, a concerned look on her face. "Everything all right?"

Surprised, I nodded. She'd seemed so cold the other times we'd met. "Yeah. I'm getting over something. A cold...thing. Flu."

She didn't look too convinced, but she nodded.

"How about you?" I asked, moving aside for someone passing by. "It's been a long time."

"Yes, it has. Well, I'm sure you know I broke things off with Jake a while back, so..."

She'd dumped him? That was news. "He mentioned that things hadn't worked out."

"Did he?" A bitter smile sliced across her face, and she scoffed. "Interesting."

I grimaced, not wanting info on their lover's spat, but she grabbed my elbow and pulled me into a quieter spot before continuing. "Jacob's under review right now for a couple of discrepancies concerning his methods."

Slightly shocked she was telling me this, I leaned in. "What do you mean?"

"I can't go into details about the other stuff...but..." Leaning down, she rested her basket on the floor. "I'll tell you this: when we were together he'd disappear at night lot. Even the nights he had off," she said, making air quotes with her fingers. "I started to wonder if he was cheating on me. I've been in that situation before, and the signs were the same. So I followed him one night."

I gaped at her. Leah worked in law enforcement as well, so this wasn't too hard to imagine, but it was still pretty crazy.

"And guess where he went?"

My stomach knotted up, because I had a feeling I knew what she was going to say. "Where?"

"Your house. He was surveilling from across the street."

"Are you sure it was my place?" I gasped.

She nodded. "I remembered from another time when he'd dropped something off to you."

I exhaled, setting my basket down besides hers. It was one thing to have bad vibes about someone, quite another to have those suspicions confirmed. "I don't believe this."

"I went back to his place, packed my shit, and called him. Told him I knew what he was up to and if he didn't go legit I'd leave him _and_ report him." She scowled. "He came home and told me all about the this case he was working on...as if I hadn't seen the pictures in his office. He wouldn't say what it had to do with you, only that he worried this guy might mess with you. Or something. I don't know."

"And that was it?" I asked.

"Pretty much. He was weirding me out so I ended up leaving him anyway, even though he stopped doing what he'd been doing."

"How do you know he stopped?"

"Because not long after that someone else filed a complaint against him and one of his guys - totally unrelated - so there was all kinds of scrutiny. He couldn't afford to be shady."

I hoped she was right, but maybe it didn't matter anymore. Still, calling Ateara might have been a better move than I'd even realized.

"Okay. Listen. He came to my house the other day to tell me about that case -"

"The Edward Masen case?"

"Yeah."

"Huh. I didn't think he was assigned to it anymore."

"But...he told me he was going to Mexico to verify Masen's death," I blurted, not even caring anymore. "How could he have that kind of...I don't know - clearance?"

Leah looked puzzled. "I don't know. Maybe...he's been cleared of the other stuff? We haven't talked in a while but he's a pretty convincing guy; he might have made a case for himself to participate since he was one of the arresting officers way back in the beginning. I can look into it if you want."

"No, not yet. I'll...let you know."

"Okay." Leah nodded, checking her phone. "Anyway, I have to go. Dinner. New boyfriend, thank God."

"Oh." I touched her arm. "Thanks, Leah. For telling me."

She smiled ruefully and grabbed her basket, walking away.

Slightly stunned, I paid for my things and went home.

* * *

I felt like a ghost.

I wandered around the house, putting the television on for company as I made dinner.

Halfway through my bottle of wine, my phone beeped. My stomach flipped, even through the haze of alcohol I had going. I reached for it, flipping it open...

I didn't recognize the number. But I understood the message all the same.

_firewood._

* * *

**_thanks for reading! i have LOVED reading the responses and theories regarding last night's chapter. the vast majority of you kept the faith. ;)_**

**_and yeah, jake is gross. having a badge doesn't make you a "good guy". at all. a __slap jake movement has been started- feel free to join. _**

**_xoxoxo_**

**_ro_**


	22. devote

**Word Prompts: Deflate, delight, devote**

**Choose one word and write what your imagination dictates. For an added challenge, include all three words in your entry.**

* * *

I stared at those words until the phone went dark.

Edward. He was alive. This was the one thing between us no one else knew about, and he knew I'd understand. Relief flooded through me. I typed back _got it_ \- wanting him to know.

I could do this. I'd _done_ it. Now, more waiting - but waiting I could handle.

Hadn't I already?

There were so many questions I craved answers to: where had he been all this time? Where was he now? Why did Jake think he was dead? Had that _all_ been part of the plan? I scoffed at myself - of course it was. So how'd he fake his death? Jake was thorough, and for the FBI to actually update their site like that meant they felt confident in their verification and assessment of the situation.

So, how?

I hoped Edward would say more, but I understood when he chose not to. We still weren't completely in the clear with Jacob living close by, and we had to proceed now with caution. The thought of staying in Seattle until summer was not a welcome one, and I wished now especially I could leave sooner, but I had to do it.

Classes ended in about a month. I'd put my two week notice in at work, complete this year's course load at school, and devote the remainder of my time to my friends.

And then I'd continue on - to Italy.

* * *

Alice wasn't devastated when I told her about moving, but she was pretty disappointed. "Again? But we just got you back."

"I know, but I've wanted to go forever and there are some great summer programs in Rome."

"What about the baby?"

"I'll come back to meet him," I promised, squeezing her hand. "It's just...this is the right thing to do, I think. I need time away and this seems like a good way to start over."

"Halfway across the world, though?" She pouted. "Oh, Bella."

"Hey. You have Jasper and this little guy on the way," I reminded her gently. "It's time for me to find my bliss, too."

She nodded, seeming to deflate a little. "You're totally right. It is time."

I'd filled her in on what Jacob had told me the day of the baby shower. Her initial reaction was shock that I'd kept so mellow all day, followed by outrage at Jake and sadness for me. I chose not to reveal Edward's recent text and the knowledge that he was actually alive, not needing any complications. If Edward was dead - officially and on the record - I didn't want to jeopardize that.

Maybe one day I'd tell her. But not now. She had enough on her plate.

I took Rose and Emmett out to dinner to tell them. They were supportive, especially Rose - who was all about new experiences and bettering oneself. "Life's short, Bella. Might as well live it up. Maybe we can come visit for our first anniversary."

We toasted, and then she smiled, taking my hand. "I'll miss you like crazy, though. Send lots and lots of postcards."

"I'm not going yet," I laughed.

"I know! But just...keep it in mind. Let us live vicariously through you."

Funny how that worked, I thought. I was fulfilling one dream by finally traveling to the place I'd wanted to see for years, and I was excited about that. But another part of me longed for what she and Em had, what Alice and Jasper had. I didn't need fairytale perfection and the epic happily ever after - I just wanted to love and be loved. To find my other half. I wanted...well... a partner in crime.

No pun intended.

* * *

A week later, while I was on my way to work, I got a phone call from Leah. She apologized for calling me - I didn't ask how she'd gotten my number - and mentioned that Jake had been put on administrative leave. She'd heard through the grapevine at work that he'd been under investigation for quite some time, and that he'd be on leave for at least three weeks.

He was also, apparently, out of town, visiting family on the coast.

I thanked Leah for calling, grateful I seemed to have an ally in her. As always lately, I found it sad that Jake had compromised both his job and reputation by letting his mammoth ego and obsessive tendencies get in the way. He was so good at what he did, but maybe he was too good. Maybe he thought he was above the law, and there was only so long he could go down that road before it came back to bite him in the butt.

At any rate, I was glad he was gone. Hearing he'd left Seattle granted me no small modicum of relief, further crystallizing that my decision to leave in a few week's time was a good one.

Maggie greeted me when I arrived, gesturing toward the office. "Package came for ya, hon."

"A package?" I walked cautiously to the cramped office in the back, wondering why something had been sent to me here. A frisson of fear shivered its way though my body, and for a second, I worried that Jacob was continuing his creepiness from afar.

But upon opening it, I realized that it was the complete opposite.

Inside was a key and a brochure to a cabin rental in the San Juan Islands - Lopez Island, specifically. I glanced over my shoulder to ensure Maggie wasn't hovering, then opened the brochure. There was a yellow sticky note inside saying, simply, _meet me when you can_.

Filled with butterflies, I stuffed everything back into the envelope and put it in my purse. I had only a few days left of class and work; I hadn't planned to leave so abruptly.

But maybe I could get away for a day or two - the way I'd always done to see Edward. I rooted around my bag for my backup and phone and sent him a response.

_tmrw._

* * *

Feeling like a jerk for leaving Maggie short at the bar - I'd, at least, called in - and opting to skip class - again - I left for Lopez Island early in the morning. I couldn't help but check my rearview compulsively. I was a nervous wreck, almost wishing I had more Xanax.

But the further I got from Seattle, the more my anxiety morphed into anticipation. Maybe I could breathe a little more easily now - I had to keep in mind that though caution was still necessary, our circumstances had changed. Edward was no longer wanted because the authorities had written him off and moved on. Jake had been cut down a peg and wasn't even around at the moment. This was the _perfect_ time to rendezvous with Edward; I just had to trust and accept that good things were coming our way regardless of how impossible our situation had always been.

Despite that it was nowhere near as isolated as our cabin in the woods, the rental Edward had given me directions to was still quite private. It was the only house around, sitting right on the water with an attached dock. I suspected the sunsets here were breathtaking, and looked forward to watching tonight's with him.

The door swung open as I pulled up - and there Edward stood, in a blue flannel shirt and dark jeans, hair cut shorter than I'd ever seen it. There was a big bandage on one of his hands, but an even bigger smile on that gorgeous face. Consumed with joy and a heady sense of relief, I threw the car in park and rushed out, not bothering to close the door for the time being. He met me on the stairs, grinning as I threw myself into his arms.

"You scared the shit out of me," I cried, holding him.

He rubbed my back. "I know. And I'm sorry."

I looked up, tiptoeing so I could kiss him. There had been dark moments when I wasn't sure I'd ever get to do this again, and I needed to savor the simple delight of it now.

James emerged from the back, smiling genuinely for once. "All right, all right. I'm heading out. Bella." He nodded at me, tipping an imaginary hat. "Bro."

"Yeah. Stay close."

"I will."

"Bye," I said, not sorry to see him go. He was fine, but all I wanted to do was be with Edward - look at him and listen to his story and revel in the fact that he was alive and here with me. I felt like he had nine lives, and so did our relationship.

"C'mon, let's get your stuff," Edward prompted, pushing me back out the door.

I frowned at his hand. "What happened here?"

His smile faded, and his shook his head slightly. "I'll get into it later. Let's just...enjoy this."

Nodding, I jogged back down the stairs toward the car. Edward followed close behind, grabbing my overnight bag from the backseat. Besides my purse, it was the only thing I'd brought, and after seeing how he favored his injured hand I'd have been glad to get it myself, but he insisted.

"You found a good spot," I said, breathing in the fresh, briny air. Tall trees surrounded the property, and out front, the water shone as reflections of the clouds glided over it. "Weather's perfect, too. Not cold, for once."

"Perfect for dresses." He hooked his arm around my waist and led me back inside. "You have no idea how good it is to see you, girl. It's been a long couple of months."

"No kidding." It was sobering to think about.

He dropped my bag on the couch and continued on to the kitchen. "Hungry? James and I made enchiladas."

"You're kidding me."

"Nope." Smirking, he pointed to a casserole dish on the stove.

"I haven't eaten all day." Biting my lip, I hoisted myself up on to the counter and watched him move around the kitchen like he'd been there forever. "How long've you guys been here?"

"Week or so."

"And you're only now contacting me?" I asked, making a face.

"Had to make sure we were in the clear, Bella. That pig's not the only one who knows how to watch."

I shivered. "Yeah, he's gone for awhile. With family."

"And you're here. With me." He held up a bottle of beer, questioning.

"Please." I nodded, reaching for it. "I have a feeling I'm going to need it with whatever you're going to tell me."

* * *

"Jake said a drug deal went wrong in Mexico..." I shook my head, rubbing a hand over my face. "It was awful. I didn't know what to think. Because I mean, you'd never even go to Mexico, right?"

"No, I was there. My dad and James, too." Edward wiped a napkin over his mouth. "We have… connections down there."

"Of course you do," I deadpanned.

"Some of them owed my father, big time. Some of them..." He paused for effect, cocking his head. "Are just like your friend Jake - crooked fucking cops."

"Crooked and crazy," I said, averting my eyes.

"Anyway," Edward said. "There was a price on my head, you know that. Running away to Mexico isn't the most original thing someone like me can do, so the Federales are used to dealing with our government to hand fugitives over. Make a long story short, one of my dad's Mexican...associates...owns guys in the system. If he needs drugs planted, he makes a call. If he needs to fake a death...he makes a call." He started unwrapping the bandage on his hand. "It wasn't cheap...or easy...but we got it done."

I gasped, covering my mouth, when I saw his hand. The pinkie finger on his left hand was gone. "What did they do to you?" I whispered, horrified. I reached slowly for his hand and he let me take it, though I was careful not to touch.

"Nothing I didn't want them to. My 'body' was burned beyond recognition. The dealers cut my finger off and sent it to the feds, demanding head hunt money, and when they didn't get it fast enough, they killed me along with several other assholes from the US." He rested his head on the back of the couch. "That was the story, anyway. When the US Feds came to verify my death, that's all they had - but it's all they needed. Fingerprints, DNA. Official report - which was, of course, fabricated - but along with the 'evidence', more than enough to close my case. My dad went back to the states soon after, but me and James laid low in Mexico awhile."

I stared, shocked. Maybe I shouldn't have been. He'd obviously lived a _very _different lifestyle to the one I was used to, where things got real, real quick. I could't imagine maiming myself to escape capture, but then again - I'd never really done anything illegal. Not like Edward had. Our worlds were polar opposites. They'd merged that day in the cabin, a year and a half before. We'd changed one another, and would continue to change until what we were together bore little resemblance to what we'd once been as individuals.

"Bella."

I glanced up at him, careful not to touch his wound. The lengths he'd gone through not just to get out of the game, but to be with me, astounded me.

"You okay?" he chuckled.

I ducked my head, smiling. "Yeah. This is just a lot to take in. I can't wait to have a normal life with you, Edward. Waking up and going to sleep…not having to rush or leave each other…not having to think about anything."

"So let's do it."

"There's something I want to show you," I said, reaching for my bag. "Something we talked about…shoot…" Not finding what I needed, I hauled my purse onto my lap and started searching in earnest.

"What do you need?"

"My laptop…it's probably in the trunk."

"Give me the keys; I'll get it."

"No, stay. I got it."

"Bella - "

Snatching my keys off the table, I jumped up. "Sit tight."

We'd been chatting awhile, and the sun, which had been high in the sky at my arrival, had begun to sink. And just as I'd known, the colors it cast across the sky and water blazed vividly and beautiful.

Snapping out of my reverie, I popped the trunk of the car. Sure enough, my laptop was there, where I'd placed it minutes before leaving this morning. There were things I wanted to show Edward, faraway places I wanted him to consider with me.

A heavy snap, like a branch being trodden upon, stole my attention, and I paused, looking back toward the trees.

Everything slowed then.

Jacob stood just in front of a nearby copse of trees, watching me. "Can't say I didn't know it in my gut but holy shit, Bells. Seeing this in the flesh…this is one sickening sight. You're _actually_ here with that motherfucker. You really are." He laughed incredulously, shaking his head.

"What are you doing?" I cried. My heart was pounding heavily, viciously, making my hands tremble and my voice weak.

"You fucked him, Bells? You let him touch you?" he asked, suddenly serious. Actually, he looked like he might cry. "You have no idea what you've done, do you? I don't even know who you are anymore!"

"I could say the same for you," I said, truly terrified now. Jake looked, and sounded, like he'd finally lost his mind. What was he doing here? How had he found us? The realization that he'd never actually stopped watching me, that he'd followed me today, hit with sickening clarity.

"He's done. He's done, and you're done. You're coming home, one way or another," he growled, coming toward me. There was a gun in his hand.

I stumbled away, dropping my laptop, and he grabbed me by my hair, yanking me to a stop. I screamed, punching him in the nuts with everything I had. He howled in pain, swinging at me but also loosening his grip just enough that I could escape. I sprinted toward the cabin seconds before a shot rang out, and then another.

Dropping to my knees, I looked up. Edward stood in the doorway, with what looked like a shotgun. I got up and ran to him, not looking behind until I was in his arms.

"Baby," he whispered. "I have to call James. Go inside. Go."

* * *

_**thanks for riding it out with me, guys. i love you and read/appreciate every. single. review. seriously. you have no idea how happy i am you like this craziness.**_

_**xoxoxo**_

_**PS: stories of mine where Jake is awesome/neutral: Starry Eyed Inside, Appease, Brighter, With or Without You, Rise, Oceanic, Air, Own, the Fall, Curtains, and other witfits i'm probably forgetting.**_


	23. trellis

**Word Prompt: **Trellis

not beta'd, rated M, Twilight &amp; all recognizable characters belong to SM.

* * *

Panicking, I let Edward turn me around and push me gently - but firmly - into the cabin. He shut the door, and I heard him on the phone, speaking harshly to who I could only assume was James.

Twice, now. Twice he'd saved my life.

Leaning against the door, I took deep breaths, trying to calm down but it was nearly impossible. I couldn't stop shaking, couldn't stop seeing what I'd just seen. My mind spun. Too many thoughts, too many questions. I couldn't…couldn't…

A sob broke free. I saw Jacob in my mind's eye, the way he had once regarded me versus the way he'd looked at me today. Was he right? Had I changed so irrevocably that I'd lost all sense of right and wrong?

But then I felt the sting of my scalp, from where he'd pulled my hair, saw the beginnings of bruises dappling my arms - he'd grabbed me? I guess he had - remembered how I'd felt when Leah verified that Jake had, in fact, been watching me. Stalking me. Had he meant to shoot me today? Or just Edward? What was his story?

And was Jacob really on leave? Was Leah in on this, had she lured me here? The thought was agonizing. Or maybe Jake had played her, feeding her info…or maybe it was all coincidental. It wasn't like he was clairvoyant, or omniscient, but he _had_ known I'd be here today, didn't he? He knew things about me he shouldn't, and I had to believe that was because his invasion of my privacy had crossed the line from professional to personal.

I peered out the window, seeing Edward in the driveway. He was beside Jacob's body know, pacing, still on the phone.

Had anybody heard the gunshots? They'd sounded like canons to me; birds had exploded from the trees in panic.

James arrived. I watched him glance back toward the house, at me, before kneeling. He rifled through Jake's pockets before throwing a sheet or towel or something over the body.

I couldn't watch anymore. Jake had been a lot of things, but had he deserved to die? He'd just been doing his job, right?

But then Edward looked at the window, and our eyes met, and I realized: I was in this now. I'd always been in it. From the second I realized what he was at the cabin and chose not to call the cops, I was in. There was no excusing my behavior, my choices. It was time to own this, because I _knew_. I knew and I'd tried to keep Jacob away but he'd refused. We had both blurred lines until neither of us was right. Lines had been drawn.

And I knew which side I was on.

* * *

Edward and James came inside about forty minutes later. I sat up from my spot on the couch, covered in a blanket.

James set my laptop on the coffee table. "Scratched up, but it still works."

"Thanks," I whispered, looking up at him.

He exhaled roughly, looking at Edward. "We don't have much time, so, do what you gotta."

Edward nodded, running his hand over his newly shorn hair. He followed James to the door, locking it once we were alone. I sat up as he approached and sat across from me.

"Where's Jake?"

"Bottom of the sea by now."

I shuddered, obviously ambivalent about this. Old habits died hard, and part of me mourned the friend I'd once had, the guy Jacob used to be.

Or maybe he's always been sick, and had done a good job at hiding it over the years. I didn't know, and now I never would.

"How?"

"James took the boat out. It, uh, came with the cabin. Case people want to go fishing."

"I feel sick."

"You should. This is sick shit."

"How…where did James go?"

"Meeting up with a friend who specializes in clean up. He has to dispose of the phone…Jake's car. Create a story."

"Have you done this before?"

He side eyed me. "No. Which is why we need help."

"But you knew this might happen?"

Squeezing my knee, he nodded. "Eventually."

Wiping the tears from my face, I crumpled over, hiding my face in my hands. "I'm rotten, Edward. I - I don't even know what I'm doing but I choose you. I didn't want him to die, but I choose you."

"We're all a little rotten. Me, you, him. My brother. Everyone. People act like they got it figured out, like they've got hearts of gold, but it's bullshit. What do you think would've happened if I hadn't shot him, Bella?"

"I don't know."

"He wasn't here to make arrests, trust that."

"Did you know?" I asked, swallowing as I looked up. "That he would come?"

"I suspected."

"James." I nodded, closing my eyes for a second. "You told him to stay close. And you were armed."

"I'm always armed," he said quietly.

"Did you use me?" I asked. "As bait?"

"Naw." He shook his head. "I didn't. I wanted to be wrong. I wanted to think that this," he held up his four fingered hand, "wasn't for nothing. But I know that type, Bella. They're dogged, determined. This wouldn't have ended until one of us was dead - "

"But you were…_are_ dead."

"Yeah, but he's…" Edward sighed, scrubbing his face with his hand. "Smart. Intuitive. And safe to say, obsessed with you. He was in the habit of watching you, girl. Everything you did. Everyone you spent time with. He knew. He was good at his job because he was constantly straddling the line. He had no problem with getting his hands dirty for the greater good." He smiled without humor. "I know all about that."

"How? How do you know?"

"Because I do. He's a stereotype, Bella. A cliche. Guys like that move things around, break rules, plant shit to get their case."

"Did he do that to you?"

"No, I was guilty enough. But there were other fools…" He shook his head. "You realize I've known this guy for awhile, right? He was one of the guys who came busting down my door."

I nodded.

"James found a tracking device on your car, you know."

My heart sank. I felt like an idiot. "That's how he found me, isn't? Found us."

"He might have found us anyway. That fucker had two agendas: me, and you. He probably had a breakdown when he realized we were together."

We were silent a while. I looked at Edward's hand. "So what now?"

He stood, crossing to sit beside me. "What did you want to show me earlier?"

My excitement from earlier had dissipated now, the moment sullied. But he needed to know my plan. I opened the computer and got online, navigating to the site I'd wanted to show him. Vineyards covered by wooden trellises, colorful little cottages curving around coastlines and dotting the countryside - it was an idyllic dream, and one I couldn't wait to be living in. There was only one thing that would make it better, one thing to make it complete.

"I'm finally going." I glanced at Edward, studying his face as he looked at the pictures. "Actually, I'm moving in a couple of weeks. There."

"Rio-mag-giore," he pronounced slowly, nodding at the photos of Cinque Terre. "I can see you here, in that little dress."

I rolled my eyes, but he got a smile out of me.

"I mean it. This is where you should be."

"What about you?"

Growing serious again, he allowed me to take his hand. "What about me?"

"What will you do?"

"I'll disappear for real this time." He gentled his hand along my face, pulling me in for a kiss. "It's the only way."

* * *

_**Leah actually did not plot with Jake. She simply reported back to Bella what she'd heard at work...**_

_**last chapter tomorrow. if i do an epilogue - which i might - it won't be till December, when I've completed NaNoWriMo.**_

_**thanks so much for reading. you guys make this that much better! **_

_**xoxoxoxoxo**_


	24. jack-o-lanterns

**Word Prompt: Jack-o'-lantern**

**not beta'd, rated M, Twilight and all characters belong to SM.**

* * *

The weather had cooled a bit, but it was as sunny as ever. I paused on the cliffs, overlooking the gem-like blue sea, unable to keep from snapping another photo. I couldn't help myself; every day here was so dreamy.

The first two months had been gratifying but difficult. Once I'd gotten used to being on my own again, though, it became easy to submit to the everyday beauty I found myself surrounded by. It was hard to be consistently sad when there were laughing children, fresh chocolate croissants and wine…and new adventures to be had - every single day. I thrived as a tourist, but when that wore off, and the locals knew me as American Girl, and then as Bella - they loved my Italian name - I thrived like I belonged in Riomaggiore. Because I did belong.

Thanks to my friendship with Demetri, the owner of a local bar I loved frequenting for its grappa, I was quickly introduced to the world of wine - not serving it, but making it. I'd begun my education with the Cooperative Agricoltura di Cinque Terre, as an apprentice of sorts learning how to make local wines. It was pretty awesome, and while I'd once feared that the smallness of Riomaggiore as well as the isolation of the Cinque Terre region in general would have made me feel claustrophobic, I didn't. I just felt very, very safe. And inspired.

I kept in contact with Alice and Rose, mainly through email and FaceTime, choosing to eschew social media for a time. I wasn't in hiding by any means, but I didn't really want the world knowing my business, either. Back in Seattle, there had been a search going for Jacob Black, who had disappeared sometime during the first week of June. His car had been found in a parking lot near Tacoma, no initial signs of foul play. I'd stopped following the case after that, allowing myself to disconnect.

I needed to, to heal. To move on.

And anyway, I way preferred focusing on the happier aspects of life, like Baby Whitlock's first Halloween - _I spray painted the jack-o-lanterns in gold and silver tones, Bella. Way classier, right?! __\- _and Rose's fantastically lush backyard, which, even in autumn, was like the Botanical Gardens. She and Em had gotten a dog - _God, Bella, Alice's offspring is enough baby time for me. Seriously - _ and were renovating their back deck. Life moved on, waiting for no one.

"Mi scusi per favore," stammered a female, American voice behind me.

I turned expectantly, smiling. "I speak English."

"Oh! Oh, thank God," she said, thrusting a camera at me. "Would you please take a picture of us?"

"Sure." I nodded, accepting the camera an taking several photos of the blonde and her husband - they kept talking about their honeymoon - as they laughed and posed.

"Thank you so much," she cooed after a while, eyeing the digital images. "Are you on vacation, too?"

"No, I live here," I said. My stomach flipped, the way it did when I acknowledged this simple fact.

Her eyes bugged. "Wow. You are _so lucky_. I'd kill to live here."

Her husband smiled indulgently, grabbing her hand. "We'd better go…we have those dinner reservations…"

"Oh, yeah." She glanced back at me, smiling shyly. "Thanks again."

"No problem."

Her husband thanked me, and then they were on their way back down the stony footpath. I lingered a few moments longer, watching the sun ripen and fill the sky with color. It reminded me of other sunsets, other times. Times both good and bad.

Most of all, I was grateful.

* * *

Nonna Renata, my elderly landlady and self appointed keeper of my contentment, flagged me down as I crossed into our courtyard. Weighed down with fresh bread and the two bottles of wine I'd just acquired, I was about to ask if I could put my stuff down and come right back when she called out, "Signora Cullen, ah, I think your husband has arrived. I offer him to eat, but he said he rather wait inside."

My heart leapt. Could it be? Finally? I'd envisioned this moment in so many ways over the past few months. "Grazie, Nonna," I exclaimed, quickening my steps. I jogged up the windy, crumbly little steps to my flat and threw the door open.

"Tony?" Feeling silly, I set the bread and wine on the little table just inside the door.

Edward emerged from the bathroom in boxers, like he'd been living here as long as I had, steam billowing around him as he towel dried his hair. The past few months had been good to him, and while I looked forward to hearing how he'd gotten just _that_ tan, and what shenanigans had finally brought him to me, all I wanted now was to touch him, kiss him, and love him.

"That's me, girl." He grinned, meeting me in the middle, squeezing me so tightly he lifted me off the ground.

Wrapping my legs around him, I clasped his cheeks between my hands and kissed him good, putting every bit of longing and love into it. His towel fell, and he backed on to the little wicker couch in my living area, sitting. "You took too long," I whispered, kissing him over and over. He could barely keep up, but he managed, shifting his hands to my butt and beneath.

"I knew I'd find you in a dress," he said, smiling into our kiss.

"It's a skirt," I whispered. "And top."

"Same thing." He adjusted me, slipping his hands underneath the material so he could grab my ass. "What you got on under here, girl?"

I kissed him instead of answering, figuring he could damn well feel what was under there. And I just...couldn't believe he was here with me. Again. This had been our last separation, hopefully. I could;t bear it anymore.

It was a new era.

Nudging me so that I sat back a bit, he urged my arms up and peeled my camisole off. He kissed the swell of my breasts, pushing the cups down so they popped out. "Missed you."

"Me too…" I laughed a little when he put his mouth on my nipples, giving them little kisses.

"Doubt that. You're living in a fairytale down here."

"Fairytale without a prince," I said, letting the last of my sadness, my wistful missing him, well up and float away. "I think this must be the honeymoon capital of the universe. Everyone's in love here."

His eyes softened, and he thumbed my lips. "Yeah?"

"Yeah."

"Well, I'm here now…Mrs. Cullen." He smirked, teasing.

"I had to tell her something," I said, blushing. Everyone around here knew me as Bella Cullen, even though legally my name hadn't changed. It was silly, but it made me feel connected to Edward while we were apart. Cullen was his mother's maiden name, and he'd told me, before we separated back on Lopez Island, that he intended to use it as his new name. I'd told him I might use it too. Besides a pair of texts we'd shared right after my arrival in Italy, it was the last time we spoke. "She kept trying to match me up with the handsome fellows around town…"

"Of course she does." He got serious then, touching my face, running his hands over my hair. "You're beautiful."

I ducked my head, smiling, but he ducked too, kissing me. "Your hair's long…I like it this way."

My bangs had grown out, as well. A different look for me.

"You look a little different, too. Darker." I pressed my thumb to the golden brown of his arm. "Handsome."

We stared at each other. For the first time in our entire relationship, I felt total peace. There was nowhere either of us was supposed to be. No one was looking for us.

"You gonna be Mrs. Cullen for real?" he asked, voice low.

"You want me to be?" I reached around, unclasping my bra and letting it fall.

"I do." He smiled, rubbing his thumbs over my nipples.

"I do," I echoed, meaning everything.

* * *

We watched the sun set from my flat, wrapped in my sheets, worn from good love and a year's worth of a journey. Edward couldn't get enough of the bread, or the wine, and we polished it off as night came on and tiny lights twinkled throughout the town like stars.

It felt like we were at the edge of the earth here, hidden but also set free.

"I'm so tired," Edward murmured, closing his eyes and lying back. My heart ached for him; he'd been running for so long.

"Sleep," I whispered, kissing his cheeks and then his eyelids. "I'll be right here."

And I was. When he woke up and wanted me, making love to me with a sky so close out the window and so brilliant if felt like we could touch it…when we ventured out the next day to get provisions…when days became weeks became months and everybody knew Bella's Tony…when we chose rings from a local jeweler and got married in a little church in the country despite the fact neither of us was Catholic…when he began working alongside me at the vineyard, finding it funny that he was once again manufacturing something that made people feel good…when we upgraded to a villa he could afford because of the money he'd stashed over the years…always. I was there.

I watched him change in front of my eyes, the best bits burning brighter while the rougher edges smoothed out. I changed too, thriving in the love we shared and the peace of our new life. We might not have had the most model beginning, but I couldn't wish for anything different because we might not have ended up here. It would be a crazy story to try telling any future children, but I supposed we'd cross that bridge when we got to it.

We stood on a cliff, looking at the sea, feeling how the air turned crisp, signaling the onset of autumn. I'd been in Cinque Terre a year.

"Cold?" Edward asked, feeling me shiver.

"A bit. I'll be okay."

He wrapped his arms around me, resting his chin n my shoulder. "Let me keep you warm."

* * *

_**and that's it. thank you so very, very much for giving this crazy story a chance, for loving on it, tweeting about it, reviewing, face booking, etc. you have no idea how grateful i am.**_

_**so, an epi - maybe - Dec 1. we'll see.**_

_**xoxoxxoxoxoxxoxo**_

_**ro**_


	25. ladder

**Word Prompt: Ladder**

**Dialogue Flex: "I'm too tired to think straight."**

**Using the provided snippet of dialogue, explore what comes to mind, be it a scene, a thought, or something else.**

**not beta'd, rated M, Twilight and all characters belong to SM.**

* * *

He touches his beard from the other end of the tub, the way he does when he's lost in thought. His eyes haven't left me, at least the general vicinity of my face, in five…ten…minutes, but he's far away. I can tell. But then he _does_ focus, his eyes on mine, and even after all this time, those eyes have a way of unraveling me deep inside. I'm the first to break the gaze, turning my attention to the slowly cooling bath water.

Slowly straightening my leg, I brush my foot against his thigh. He blinks, his hand coming down on my foot. I can see as what he's thinking coalesces gradually with what he's looking at, how the smallest smile accompanies his gaze as it travels down my breasts to where they are half hidden underwater. Most of the suds have dissipated, leaving the water lukewarm and mostly clear.

"Five years is long enough," he says, hand tightening on my foot. He pulls, sliding me across the smooth porcelain of the tub, and I flounder, grabbing the sides so I don't capsize.

"I think so," I murmur, laughing. "Also, it's cold in here. Let's get out."

He doesn't argue, but instead watches me get up and then out, shivering my way into one of the old blue towels hanging beside the bathtub. I grab one for him, as well, extending it until he sighs and stands up, his body slick and wet. Well, that sight never gets old. He knows I love it, too, smirking as he accepts the towel but does little to cover himself.

Rolling my eyes, I turn before he can see me smile back. It's not like we didn't just spend nearly forty minutes soaking in a tub, and who knows how long before that getting dirty enough to need one.

In the bedroom, I slide into a loose maxi dress and flop onto the bed. My laptop sits where it did before Edward accosted me earlier, tipped over from our excitement, the cursor still blinking as it waits for me to complete my sentence. I'd been emailing Alice, responding to her pleas to come home for Christmas.

_Please, Bella. Please. We miss you. And you should be home. Now of all times, you should be home. _

She's right; we should be home. To me, though, home just means going back to the United States. If I'm being honest, I no longer see Seattle as my home. Not anymore. Good things happened there, but a lot of difficult things did as well, and I'm not the same person I was when i left.

I chuckle inwardly, a bit self deprecating, at the path of my thoughts. Is anyone the same person they were five years ago? Ten? Everyone changes. There's nothing unique about that. It's like saying "I have eclectic taste in music." Everyone thinks they have eclectic taste. So maybe no one does.

"What're you smiling about?" Edward asks, laughter warming his own voice as he settles down next to me. He eases the screen back, peering at my email.

"Nothing…just, I don't know. Dumb thoughts."

"None of your thoughts is dumb." He says it with a wink, but I suspect he really means it, something that's proved when he adds, "smartest girl i know."

"I try," I whisper. "You make me pretty dumb with this thing, though." I reach into his jeans, which he still hasn't buckled or buttoned.

Biting his lip, he grabs my hand and removes it. "Give me a minute, girl. An hour at least."

"I'll behave," I assure him, leaning in to kiss his chin before turning my attention back to Alice's email. "Anyway, I'm just going to tell her we're coming back."

"No surprises?"

"No." I shake my head. "She's getting a little anxious. It's been…two years? Since I went back."

"Least you've been back," he says softly, rolling on to his back.

And I have been - several times since we moved. At first it was every year, but that slowed down as Edward and I settled into Italian life - our work, our home…and yes, traveling, but to European countries so easy to access that not visiting them would have been a sin and a waste. We'd ridden trains up and down the coasts and through mountain ranges, hitched rides and rented cars and geeked out on tour buses, filling our phones and online photo albums with memories. Through it all I'd never lost touch with Alice and Rose, though, making sure to send letters and postcards, emails and trinkets. We called and Face-timed weekly at the very least, and so I felt close to them and they to me.

But Alice was right; it was time for Edward and I to come home. We had been abroad for half of a decade, and not only had we (and everyone else) changed, but the landscape of our old environment had too. Edward's case was literally history now. He was officially dead, despite being alive, and Jake was officially missing, despite being dead - and it had been this way forever.

Edward kept contact with his father and James, but it was infrequent and rather convoluted. They'd calmed down with their own life of crime, finally leaving behind meth for growing pot in Colorado, but it was better for everyone if they stayed unconnected. I knew Edward missed his family, but he seemed pretty zen about it.

"You're my family," he'd said more than once, usually when I started feeling guilty that he had no one else.

And so now there's really nothing to keep us from going back to the States. On paper we have new identities - Isabella and Tony Cullen - even though we're still Bella and Edward to each other - so travel should be okay…although the thought of it _does_ gives me the worst anxiety ever. I can't help it. Living in Cinque Terre is like living in a bubble, a fairy tale, and now we're going back to the real world.

"Yeah. I miss it, I guess." I glance over at him.

"I do too. Certain things…" He deflates, flattening his palms on the bedspread. "I'll miss this place, though. It's been…" He smirks, looking at me, and I just know he's thinking naughty thoughts. "Very educational."

"Yeah," I say stupidly, now thinking those same thoughts, because it has. It really has. A five year honeymoon is what it's been.

"Never thought I'd end up in a place like this, stomping grapes and making wine like some fucker in those foreign movies you love…"

"Not really _foreign_ when we're _living _where some of them take place." I pull his ear, knowing he loves to rile me up by pretending to be gruffer and less cultured than he really is. Edward might be a badass ex-con, but he's also one of the most intelligent and well-read individuals I've ever met. He simply chooses not to flaunt his intellect.

"We're ex-pats, no matter how you look at it, _la mia bella_." He grins, pleased with both his questionable Italian and his wit, and rolls on to his side. Reaching for me, he hikes the material of my dress all the way up so his fingertips graze my tummy. "But I'm glad. Best wine I've ever had."

"Best bread, too." I hum, thinking about grabbing some for dinner.

"Best cheese."

"Best coffee."

"Best chocolate," he says reverently.

"That… might have been Amsterdam, actually."

"Naw, Amsterdam had the best w-"

"Shh." I press my hand over his mouth and close my eyes, laughing silently. "What happens there stays there."

He licks my hand, so I smear it on his chest - Edward's allergic to shirts - and he gentles me on to my back, scooting down so he can kiss my stomach. "You know what Italy makes best though?"

My stomach flutters…for a number of reasons. "What?"

"Babies."

* * *

The day we leave Italy, flying out of Rome after one last long weekend gorging ourselves on _foreign bests_, the sky is a heavy, gloomy grey, the air so un-seasonally humid that actual rain would be redundant.

"You sure that's our flight?" I yawn, overcome with sleepiness. I've managed so far to escape nausea this trimester, but perpetual exhaustion is another story. It's gotten worse the farther along I've come, and I find myself yearning for naps more and more.

"Yeah, come on," chuckles Edward, nudging me away from the nearest chocolate display in the airport. "They've announced it twice. In English and Italian."

"I'm too tired to think straight," I say, yawning yet again. I reach for one of our bags, but he moves it deftly away, giving me the side eye.

"You just said you were tired."

"Edward, please let me carry something."

"You're carrying some_one_; that's enough."

I make a face at his chivalry, equal parts frustrated and enchanted by it. "One bag."

"You have one bag," he says, jerking his chin at my purse.

"I'm not an invalid," I whisper, tiptoeing to kiss his stubble.

"You proved that this morning, girl." His eyes narrow just enough to be suggestive, gaze dropping to my mouth just in case I wasn't sure.

Sex, sex, sex. These days my life is long paragraphs of naps punctuated by frequent exclamation points of sex.

And snacks. I look longingly back at the chocolate display, sad that besides Nutella (and not even Italian Nutella), I'll no longer have access to such deliciousness.

We queue up with the rest of the passengers boarding our flight, falling quiet, lost in thought. This is a big deal, going home. Most of things we've amassed while overseas - and there wasn't much of it, surprisingly - has already arrived at Alice and Jasper's. The plan is to spend a couple of weeks revisiting old friends and haunts before heading to Northern California, where we've chosen to live. It's enough like the Seattle area to feel familiar, but different enough, and far away enough, to be able to breathe.

The lines moves briskly, until it's our turn. Edward goes first, still rocking that swagger I love - some things don't change - turning and waiting for me as soon as he's through the gate.

"Good morning, Mrs. Cullen," says the (predictably) gorgeous flight attendant with the (predictably) husky, heavily accented voice as he takes my ticket. Man, I'm going to miss Italy. "Thank you, and welcome aboard!"

* * *

I doze most of the way to London, where we trade British Airways for American Airlines and head for Seattle. Edward and I spend most of that flight sharing snacks and whispering over our phones, looking at photos of the past couple of years.

"Those waffles," Edward practically moans, pointing to shot of us breakfasting in Bruges. I smile, remembering. My hair had been super short then, a sexy chin length bob I'd gotten on a whim. Interestingly, Edward wasn't too fond of that haircut, same way I'd resented the gnarly beard he'd rocked during our longest argument about a year later. I love facial hair, but he'd looked like a dirty lumberjack, and not in the sexy, hipster way. Nowadays he has a face full of gold-red scruff, and my hair falls half way down my back, glossy and dark thanks to the overload of estrogen surging through my body.

"I want waffles now," I say, looking longingly out the window.

"We'll get some," he says absently, scrolling through years' worth of memories. "Remember that guy? At the festival?"

"Who wanted to photograph me as I 'stomped his grapes'?" I ask, wrinkling my nose. "He was gross."

"He was hilarious…"

"You almost killed him."

"Because he broke the golden rule," he drawls, lazing back in his seat.

"Do unto others…?"

"That you look with your eyes, not your hands."

"He was a filthy old man." I snort, laughing a little, and lace my fingers through Edward's.

"Yeah, and you already have one of those." He lets his eyes wander suggestively, and also pointlessly, seeing as I'm wearing long sleeves and a scarf.

"You can't possibly be in the mood."

"I'm always in the mood, girl." He touches my stomach. "This…puts me in the mood."

I'm not showing yet, but I know what he means. The knowledge that I'm carrying his baby seems to get him going. I suspect it's some kind of biological, cave man thing. He's spread his seed. He owns this. Etc.

"I'm glad. Because pretty soon I'm going to look and feel gross and I'll probably get really needy and you'll have to tell me ten times a day how hot I am."

"I will." We kiss. "And I'll mean it."

* * *

I see the balloons before I see Alice. There are so many of them I'm surprised she hasn't been carried away - or that airport security hasn't found a reason to confiscate them.

"Hi!" she cries, taking off at a run. Jasper just barely manages to secure the balloons in one hand while grasping little Thomas, whose blond hair is even lighter than his father's, in the other. He's the cutest kid in the universe - so far - and I'm actually surprised they haven't procreated about four more.

"Bella!" she gasps, face flushed with joy as she wraps her arms around me. I hug her back, feeling tears flood my cheeks. Damn. I've missed her, I'm tired, and I swear pregnancy gives the world a gauzy, melodramatic glow.

"Hi Edward," she enunciates in a whisper, giving him a hesitant hug.

He smiles, patting her back. "Hello, Ms. Alice. Finally we meet."

She backs up, full on grinning now, giving him the once over. "Mhm. Well. Edward, my husband Jasper," she says, bringing her boys into the fold.

I bend down, taking in the little boy I've seen grow up through pictures and snatches of video. Alice was right; _this_ is right: it was time to come home.

My mother arrives from Florida a day later, overjoyed that I've come to my senses and returned. For someone so bent on my doing the whole "backpacking across Europe" cliche as a teenager, she's remarkably intent that I don't do it anymore as an adult. She's also really excited we're expecting. I might not be all that close to Renee, but I'd never want to keep her from seeing her grandchild.

She's completely dazzled by Edward, though…and I mean embarrassingly so. I guess he reminds her of someone from way back when, and it doesn't help that he senses it and plays it up, charming and chatting her up.

"My God, Bella," she says, watching him saunter off, a bottle of beer dangling from his fingertips. "I see why you're pregnant. I'm surprised it took this long."

"Birth control, Mom," I say dryly. There's nothing new about her frank lack of a filter.

She winks, patting my knee. "Good for you."

I start to roll my eyes, but she pauses, leaning in. "I mean it. I'm so glad, honey. You were lost there for awhile."

She's right. I was lost at one point, for quite some time, until Edward showed up. I wish I could tell her everything; she's crazy and loving enough not to judge, but I can't and I won't. It's enough that she gets to know him, and that we've managed to come home.

* * *

We spend the holidays with the Whitlock family and my mother, frequented by Rose and Emmett. It's good to be home, among the sights and smells and sounds Seattle has to offer, and while Edward chooses to relax at home, the girls and I make the most of my visit.

Two days before New Year's, Edward catches me in the hallway and pulls me into the guest room we've been living in. "Hey."

"Hey." I stare up at him, trying to read his face. He's seems happy most of the time, considering that these are really _my _friends, but sometimes I wonder if he's sad for his own family. His friends. "You okay?"

"Yeah. But…" He lets go of me and sits down on the bed, roughing his hands through his hair. "I think it's time, Bella. To go."

"Did something happen?"

"No." He smiles a little, shaking his head, and I see all I need to know in those eyes. He's a private person, and he misses having space. I can't say I blame him; for years it's been just us two.

Nodding, I rest my hand on his thigh. "We can spend New Year's Eve in our new place."

The next day, we pack our somewhat modest assortment of stuff and leave, promising we'll see everyone soon. My mother left a couple of days ago, so it's just Alice, Jasper and Thomas.

"I can help decorate the baby's room," Alice offers, eyes sparkling. I think she's the only human I know whose eyes actually, literally, legit sparkle. "If you want."

As if I'd crush her dreams and say no. "I do want. Start brainstorming."

"Oh, I already have a Pinterest board started."

"Of course you do," I laugh. "All right. Love you! We gotta go."

U-Haul trucks are neither sexy nor speedy, but there's something exhilarating about hitting the open road and heading toward new adventures in new places. Seems to be what Edward and I do best.

We discuss practical things as we rumble down the road: Edward behaving himself, me teaching eventually. Kindergarten, I've decided. Thomas was so precious. This after Baby Cullen is born, of course. Way after. I want to spend time at home for awhile.

"Or just stay home for good," suggests Edward.

"What? No. You just want me barefoot and pregnant the kitchen."

"Yeah, sounds good." He nods, squeezing my thigh as I give him a vicious pinch. "I meant homeschool."

"I don't know if I'm cut out for homeschooling."

"I could help."

"With what, chemistry?"

"Ha. Ha." He's grinning though, thoroughly amused.

"So when do we find out?" Edward asks somewhere around Redding, California.

"I kind of wanted to keep it a surprise."

"Fine for you. I'll let them tell me."

"No," I huff. "It's not fair if you know but I don't."

"What's so bad about knowing? How's Alice going to do all that decorating crap she loves so much if she doesn't even know if it's a boy or a girl?"

"Oh, trust me. She wouldn't be so gauche as to decorate in a predictable way anyway."

Edward rolls his eyes. "I'll let them tell me. You can just cover your eyes."

* * *

The neighborhood's old school and sweet, the house worn but adorable. Edward eyes it like a starving man with a steak, already plotting what things he's going to fix and paint and re-do. We got it cheap - a friend of a friend of a friend; I don't really want to know - so though we're technically renting, we're free to do as we please.

Santa Rosa is the perfect place to start over. It's on the water, with a dramatic, jagged coastline and nearby forests full of redwoods. It's also one of the many spots in California known for wine, which was kind a coincidence but so appropriate for us that maybe it's just fate.

"There's a ladder and drill set back there," Edward says, emerging from the shed in the corner of the back yard. "Looks like someone's workshop."

"Nice. You won't have to buy any tools."

"Nope." He kisses the top of my head as he passes on his way to the fridge. "You feeling okay?"

"Sleepy."

"You should take a nap. I'm heading out in a second."

"But I wanted to go with you," I say, looking longingly at the new pick up truck on the curb. "To get food for dinner."

"Maybe I'll cook."

I eye him dubiously. "What, enchiladas?"

"What's wrong with that?" He settles for a toothpick, popping it into his mouth.

"Nothing." Yawning, I pick my phone up and head toward our messy bedroom. "I think I'll nap."

"Like I said." He follows me in, kissing my neck. "I'll be right back."

"Mkay."

"Hey."

I peer at him from the blankets I've burrowed under.

"Love you."

"Love you," I echo, smiling.

When I wake up, it's fallen dark. A cold breeze seeps in through the barely-open windows, ruffling my hair. It's chilly, but it feels good, and I stay in bed for a minute, enjoying our new space. Soon the savory smells of Mexican food start tickling my nose, making my stomach growl. Guess Edward stayed true to his word. Overwhelmed by a surge of sappy love, I ease into the living room.

And stop short.

There, in the living room, crackles a bright and lively fire.

"Wow," I murmur, joining my very satisfied looking husband on the couch.

"Yeah, girl. Didn't see the fireplace when we came in, huh."

"Actually I meant our clothes." Semi-matching in old oversized flannels and slouchy socks, we look like we're sliding back into the lumberjack vibe. If I'm not careful Edward might let that beard go rogue again.

"Smart ass." He reaches up, cupping said ass cheek in his hand.

I move his hand and sit beside him, curling up.

"That shed was full of it."

"Let me guess." I rest my head on his shoulder. "Firewood."

* * *

_**a rather frothy future take, but i have Christmas on my mind... ;) i figured these two had dealt with enough drama during the story. and besides, we all know parenting is for the brave, so they're in for it anyway. muhahaha! love you! merry christmas and happy holidays and happy new year!**_

_**xoxo**_

_**ro**_


End file.
